Life of a stranger

Is Milliband a man or a mouse?

2012-01-17T15:39:00.001Z

Labour is hacking people off and I'm one of them. They annoyed me when they abused my personal details to send me text messages for the leadership election and, when I called to have my mobile phone data removed, I was told that copies of the membership database had been given to each of the leadership runner's offices; a clear data protection breach; so that meant they could take my mobile number off the central records, but not the copies.

Milliband is going around saying, "We can't go around making promises that we can't afford to keep." But that is a clear cop out. The party has a manifesto, an account of what direction that the party is going in. Its failure to put out messages that give its intent of where it WANTS to go, basically, leaves people with no way of evaluating the party.

Result = Disconnect.

Way to go, Milliband. I was listening him giving this line on one of the politics shows on Sunday, and I thought that it made him look like a spineless waste of space when what he needed to be doing, is giving a clear impression of where he wanted to go.

So; years of below inflation pay rises, followed by what will then be four years of no pay rise; or was it three years? I only know that we had a year with no pay rise the year prior to whatever the government announced; so whatever the government have imposed, then add a year to it. And now incoming years with even less money, more money being taken from me under the guise of pension changes which won't actually go in to the pension pot but straight in to government coffers, and I'll be (at the current point) paying more, working longer and getting less all in one whammy.

I'd damn well like to know what the hell Milliband thinks of this, because the private sector is getting paid a good deal more for the same kind of work. I want to know at least what he'd LIKE to do; give me a measure of the man, or is he turning out to be a blue-coat in red clothing?

You know; it's a sign of just how pathetic the current labour party has turned out to be, because I can't actually remember which of the two Milliband brothers I voted for. I think it was the one who sent the fewest annoying messages to my moblie phone; I'm not sure.

If it wasn't for the Internet...

2012-01-10T08:35:00.001Z

...I'd never have heard this stunning piece of music.

Are we REALLY smarter than chimps?

2012-01-07T13:37:00.004Z

First off, the fun bit...

Remember that first video. You won't think it is so funny by the the you get to the end of the last one.

But there was a serious side to this as well...

And then, the very, very concerning bit...

...finally, the killer argumentative blow ... for which you'll need a strong stomach.

UK Police? Routine firearms? Not yet.

2011-12-28T20:20:00.002Z

The UK Police have one hell of a problem on their hands. Public image is probably at rock bottom.

If the Police had a better image, then I'd be more open to them having firearms but, under todays circumstances, I reckon it should never happen.

Now, we'll firstly take a look at the case why they shouldn't have firearms. This starts with two videos and some other assorted accounts.

One of the main problems here is a shoot to kill policy by trained officers. Even people brandishing swords are not incapacitated, but lethally shot. Some people have been shot while unarmed and even naked. I still don't know if Mark Duggan was actually in posession of a firearm; one was later found at the scene but Duggan's fingerprints weren't on it and it wasn't seen before he was fatally shot. (as far as I can ascertain)

The leaked accounts of the DeMenezes incident does show that the police weren't as sure as they damn well should have been, before murdering DeMenezes.

Away from the emotive stuff, if you look at the figures from Inquest then you'll conclude that the police aren't having to shoot people all that often.

In a heated discussion recently on Inspector Gadget's blog, lirish commented, "Don I am a current nationally acredited police firearms instructor and I agree with what MIchelle says, there would be a failure rate far in excess of what was sustainable and what then would we do with those officers? Office jobs? What about the officers who joined an unarmed service and didn’t want to carry? More office jobs?" So if we did decided to arm every officer, the failure rate would see our force decimated by perfectly compitent officers, who can carry out their duties without the need for firearms, forced out of a job.

The vocal response from some people was that because I hadn't worked as a serving officer, my opinion didn't count. The view was also expressed that anyone who couldn't handle a firearm shouldn't be a police officer. Personally, I interpret this as testosterone talking, and while we're at it, talking a load of rubbish which only serves to prove the point; the people behind those words clearly think that they are better than me and that I should just shut up and do what they say. Well, when faced with that kind of elitist nonsense, I have to ponder as to what the hell such people are doing entrusted with warrant cards, let alone firearms.

People wielding a firearm don't engender respect, they engender fear and that is not a state of affairs that I wish to be policed under in a state where respect for some officers is at a considerable low.

Let's look at the last but one comment on Inspector Gadget's blog before comments were closed. debscupboard wrote "It’s not about fitness to carry… It’s about admitting to the world that we are WRONG… “our bobbies carry guns like Johnny Foreigner? Never!” As I say on my blog… “WE WILL NEVER CARRY FIREARMS. WE ARE JUST NOT SEEN AS WORTH IT”"

There WAS a time when the police were seen as worth it and Wikipedia sums up the situation in the 1980's as "As a result, around 17% of officers in London became authorised to carry firearms. After the deaths of a number of members of the public in the 1980s fired upon by police, control was considerably tightened, many officers had their firearm authorisation revoked, and training for the remainder was greatly improved. As of 2005, around seven per cent of officers in London are trained in the use of firearms. Firearms are also only issued to an officer under strict guidelines."

One of these was the shooting of a five year old boy, John Shorthouse.

So. Are the British Police, "worth it?" Let's take a look at some behaviour reported when firearms aren't involved.

Carmen Valino was reported by the NUJ as being an identified press photographer operating outside a cordon when she was threatened with arrest and her photos were deleted.

A photographer and videographer were awarded compensation after being illegally prevented from doing their jobs.

Heck, just follow this search link to find out how police think so little of the law that they think they're above it. It's not only photographers, just use this search for police abuse of power and have a good read.

And you're going to love this report from The Register which details "The agency says that officers' misdeeds included boasting of having roughed up members of the public during recent protests/riots, attempts to befriend victims of crime, inappropriate comment on "others' wives", and harassment of former partners and colleagues. That perennial Facebook favourite, inappropriate pictures, also led to many bobbies' downfall.

One Hampshire plod was reportedly sacked without notice for posting a racist comment on Facebook and another was booted off his force for abusing a fellow officer and harassing a female colleague. Seven other cops resigned following complaints regarding their online behaviour." ... the only upside from this mayhem is that the police officers involved were sanctioned to various degrees.

For consideration is that armed police are already deployed in areas where they feel it is needed...

It is reported by this BBC article that police in Notingham (as at 2001) were in fact routinely armed in areas where the reputation of the areas justified it.

Statistics in that report, listed the results of a Police Federation survey at the time...
A survey (1995) of police attitudes to armed patrols found:
*) 79% of police officers said they were not in favour of being routinely armed
*) But 40% said more officers should be trained to use firearms
*) 42% felt their life had been in serious danger as a result of personal threat in the previous two years
*) 39% had been threatened with firearm, knife or other weapon in the previous two years
*) In the event of a decision to arm all officers 43% said they would be prepared to carry firearms on duty or all of the time
*) 6% said they would resign from the police service if they were ordered to wear a firearm

So, statistically, 19% of officers thought more officers should be trained for firearms; just that it shouldn't be them.

-----

Now the other side.

The police do a tough job. They feel under fire on the streets. Cuts aren't helping either.

A major point in the story was the Massacre of Braybrook Street where three police officers were killed. The people they stopped had guns; the police didn't. The officers didn't stand a chance.

I think it would be right to state that any police officer who goes on to the street, shouldn't have to accept the risk of being shot as being a hazard of the job.

You've got to face that it's going to happen. Fire personnel go in to risky situations where a building could collapse or gas canisters blow. Door staff have to be on the look out for the occasional disgruntelled punter carrying a weapon. A nurse could wreck their back lifting a patient. I could end up getting electrocuted as part of my job.

In other words, there is always a risk factor in everything we do. It is unreasonable to say something along the lines that even one death is unacceptable, because it is going to happen.

The police are facing a tough time out there. I mean, what kind of thing are the police facing when they have to tazer a 15 year old boy while executing a search, where they happen to later find a firearm.

Let's go back to some of the statistics in that 2001 survey...
*) 42% felt their life had been in serious danger as a result of personal threat in the previous two years
*) 39% had been threatened with firearm, knife or other weapon in the previous two years

The lone officer felt, even as far back as 2006, that if they needed armed backup, that it wouldn't get to them in time. That's from this 2006 Police Federation survey which details...

Officers at greater risk
*) Almost half of the 47,328 police officers polled have felt that their lives were placed in serious jeopardy on at least one occasion since the last survey was released.
*) This equates to approximately 23,000 officers across England and Wales facing extreme levels of violence from members of the public at some point over a two year period.
*) Over 40% have been assaulted whilst arresting suspects by as much as eleven times in some cases in the same period. However, the figures the Home Office use to gauge the dangers officers face are currently unavailable following errors made in the HM Inspectorate of Constabulary’s annual report.
Arming the Police
*) Despite the threat of terrorism and increase in gun and knife crime 43% of officers are not confident that armed support would be available should they need it.
*) Since the 2003 survey was conducted there has been an increase in the numbers of authorised firearms officers from 5,763 in 2002/03 to 6096 in 2003/04. However, ACPOs recommended figure of 5-8% of AFO officers nationwide has failed to be met by more than two thirds of forces in England and Wales.
*) The Police Federation want to see a 5% rise in the total number of officers in England and Wales trained in the AFO role and this appears to represent the views of our members with 43% of officers supporting moves to increase the numbers of officers trained to use firearms.
*) When asked if a decision was made to train and arm all police officers whilst on duty, 70% of officers would be prepared to do so. However, out of the 6,516 (13.8%) respondents who stated that they would never carry a firearm on duty, a staggering 56% claimed they would resign from the force rather than accept an order to carry a firearm.
*) Taser gained support from 44% who felt that that appropriate training should be made available to enable all front-line officers.

56% of 13.8%, is 7% of officers saying they would resign if forced to carry a firearm, a slight rise from the 2001 survery if we assume (and assumptions are always dangerous things) that the same number of officers were surveyed each time.

It also means that, statistically of course, there must be a 2009 survey somewhere and a 2012 survey will be just around the corner. However I can't find the results on the Polfed site.

Police are facing dangerous situations where, despite their body armour and equipment of 2006, 32 officers every day across England and Wales face extreme violence from mops. Also, 22 officers feel that their lives are in jeopardy every day (Almost half of the 47,328 police officers polled have felt that their lives were placed in serious jeopardy on at least one occasion since the last survey was released.), which is half the respondents (23664) since the survey three years previously (7888) then per day that's 22.157...something that feel that their lives are in jeopardy.

That's a minimum because the same officer could have felt that on more than one day during that three year period.

For officers to feel this way is unacceptable.

Stated in the, Home Office Statistical Bulletin (PDF of Homicides, Firearm Offences and Intimate Violence 2008/9) "Handguns were used in 4,275 offences during 2008/09, a rise of two per cent on 2007/08. There was a large fall in the use of imitation weapons, which fell by 41 per cent to 1,511" so the statistics bear out that there are serious numbers of firearms offences going on. (12 every day; if two officers attended one of these incidents, then that justifies the officer serious jeopardy statistic)

There is serious stuff going down out there.

-----

Conclusion

Like it or not, the police currently have a public image which shows them as having contempt for the law that they are sworn and paid to uphold. The public image seems to be that when a police officer does obviously and willfully break the law, they are not seen to be properly held to account and punished for their actions.

There will always be the incident of Ian Tomlinson; the image living long in the public mind of Tomlinson, walking away from the officers with his hands in his pockets, being pushed to the ground by PC Simon Harwood.

The image of incidents to the present day is of the police shooting to kill instead of incapacitate. The image of currently trained firearms officers is not good.

The police have got to rectify this image before the public can ever trust in an increase in firearm officer numbers even to 1980's standards, let alone to have every single officer armed.

To take another few paragraphs from that 2001 BBC report...

“A significant majority did not want to be permanently armed,” says Federation chairman Fred Broughton.

“But they did want proper risk assessments. They specifically wanted back up, and they wanted mobile armed-response vehicles. They also wanted better training and they wanted better management of armed situations.

“Many of us want to see the unarmed service and the traditions of British policing maintained. But for how long we can maintain them is the question.”

There is an uneasy feeling by those with long experience in the law enforcement business that Britain may be moving gradually towards an armed police service.

From the 2006 statistics, 70% of officers would be prepared to be armed. As stated by lirish (if he is as he stated, a current nationally acredited police firearms instructor) it wouldn't be practical; too many would fail the current standards. (It matched with the account I read in a police officer magazine a few years ago, so I've got faith in what Lirish is saying) Also, officers in present service who are trained to the current standards are shooting to kill in incidents where perpetrators are carrying knives; even despite the 41% fall in imitation weapons in 2008, there is a 1 in 5 chance that the weapon that a firearms officer is facing, is fake but they still shoot to kill, not incapacitate.

It isn't going to work.

According to the statistics from the Police Roll Of Honour Trust the actual number of police deaths is quite low as a result of criminal acts; a little more than 1 officer every year. Even those low numbers are improving more recently.

I won't stoop as low as to compare services against each other. Statistics are hard and it is an especially difficult subject when we're talking about the lives and deaths of people who are in the service of this country.

I wouldn't like to have to inform any of these officers families that they have lost their loved one; yet that is a duty that many of our officers have to carry out on a frequent basis; delivering such devastating news to families throughout our country.

The statistics do say, however, that despite facing odds which leave our officers feeling like their lives really are in danger, they still manage to come out on top of the situation. They nevertheless feel like they are not valued and that if they call for backup, it wouldn't come; and that is a situation that has to be fixed.

Fun shots from 2011-ish

2011-12-24T08:25:00.000Z

I hope you laugh as hard as I did when I saw these!

In response to forum

2011-12-15T06:54:00.002Z

Unfortunately, Inspector Gadget's forum is being a pain in the arse to post to. It's actually ignoring posts that I want to make, so I'm having to make it here and hopefully the blog will take a URL to this post.

The whole argument, if you want to put up with a load of posturing and testosterone, is here.

Also, my thoughts on why I originally wanted to join the police, are here.

---

Way to pick and choose.

Ireland proves that you can't solve deep rooted problems by guns.

Surgeons. I CAN tell them how to operate; they are paid for either by the public purse or privately. As the person on the receiving end of the services I have a choice and I'll damn well exercise it if I want. It just so happens I've been on the receiving end of malpractice and am having to go to another surgeon despite an apology and promise to put it right from the first. He's already exercised his personal choice while I was asleep and it was a disaster, so no, your analogy doesn't work. It only proves my point that I SHOULD damn well have a say in telling him how to operate.

And as a member of the public, no one has really put forward any compelling reason FOR routine firearms as far as I'm concerned. The hot head language and emotive posturing going on here READS to me as if this forum is full of boys that want power toys.

Give me statistics. Give me facts. The language going on in here only proves that I wouldn't trust some people in here with a firearm even IF my life depended on it.

The number of road deaths in the UK are high. You want to prevent deaths, then get out there and stop the dumb asses who tail gate, who swap lanes instantly without indicating and side swipe you. The foreign truckers whose trucks shouldn't be on the road. The nut cases who drive with hand held phones, shave, put on lipstick, you-name-it-they're-doing-it while driving; rather than the people who take a sip of water out of a bottle, while stationary in a traffic jam on a hot day.

Get some respect in the force so that you can put more scroats away without having to provide fingerprint evidence that they were at the scene.

And yes, I wanted to be in your number. I was prepared to step up and serve on the rank and file, despite warnings from friends who had served their years, some of them in the Met, that the forces wouldn't want me. They were correct. My face doesn't fit. I'll try and hunt down the joke of a letter I had from the Chief Inspector of Sussex Police, the reasons why I was turned down and why he wouldn't investigate further. I could have pushed it and really embarrassed Sussex force but that would be pointless; I wanted to join them, not crush them; but my respect for them went downhill from there.

There is still a lot of internal crap that the police have to sort out, including corruption and elitist attitudes in some officers that have wrecked public opinion. The Commons Library Standard Note on Public Opinion Of The Police in 2010 proves that there is a lot of work to do with public image of the police before ALL officers are trusted with side arms.

What seven bullets in the head tells me is that what lirish said was right. The adrenaline and emotion is not going to suit a lot of officers and the balance of specialist teams we have is doing the job and keeping deaths low.

If there were people that wanted to come on the range with the wrong attitude, it was our job to stop them and either sort out their attitude problem, or stop them from getting on the range. To any officer that wants a firearm for the sake of it, then they should join the relevant area and, if they don't pass testing, then there's probably a reason for it; that under the current rules they're not fit to be on the streets with a firearm.

What are the number of occasions when an officer not on firearms duty, would have to pull their gun? As for the officers that you say should be kicked out of the force for not carrying, then who is going to do the massive amount of educational and social work that it will take to turn our society around? You'd be decimating the force and seriously hamstringing the duties carried out; for what?

You can't easily open fire anyway. When a load of muslim extremists charged a police line in London, you'd still have had to run away; strategically retreat; whatever you want to call it. You couldn't have opened fire on a mob like that. And they know it. You can't even slap an unruly teenager around the ear any more; and they know it.

From the statistics I'm reading, arming every officer is going to result in more heartache than lives saved; and going for the emotive hope that me and mine don't need an officer with a side arm, isn't going to persuade me to shift from that position.

Every time I get behind the wheel, there are statistical odds that I have to live with. Every time I get out of bed there are odds. From the figures I read, the odds of being shot in this country, are minuscule in comparison. I'm always living in hope.

As for the officers who break the law in their dealing with photographers, that's the whole point. These officers are willing to break the law, willingly, and are facing little in the way of consequence. The only question is, how far will they go?

Electronics in the Yuletide spirit

2011-12-13T06:45:00.000Z

You know that it comes to something, when a bunch of electronics are more in the spirit of the season than I am. Heck I couldn't get a chocolate yule log this year, like the last three or four years previous, and Imbolc isn't for another fortnight, so I guess the only seasonal spirit I'm going to get is the alcoholic type. Well ... I guess I'm a heathen, and proud of it, so go bang your drum... and play your scanner too...

Jabra Cruiser 2

2011-12-08T11:51:00.001Z

The Cruiser 2 was purchased as a replacement for my older handsfree kit, which wouldn't talk with the more modern phone on the bluetooth "media" channel, thus it was limited for playing music from the phone and also some systems such as Skype, wouldn't work through the standard voice channel. The Cruiser 2 was bought to solve these issues.

The unit attaches to the sun visor, which is a problem when you need to put the visor down. The previous system had a double sided metal clip so it was possible to remove the unit with a quick pull, detatching the magnetic grip, then flip the visor down and re-attach the hands free kit to the other side of the magnetic bracket. Not so the Jabra. You're stuffed because it is too much hassle to do while you're driving.

Voice quality is much improved as, due to the position on the visor, it is almost directly over my head. I'll have to try with other positions. The previous unit made me sound like I was in a goldfish bowl, but the Jabra is a solid improvement, even in my noisy car.

The unit also has an FM transmitter which allows it to be tuned in through an analogue FM car radio. It speaks its actions and the frequency; which you can change relatively easily. My own choice is the top setting as Radio 2 is on the lower end, 88-91 FM.

In an ideal world, car stereos should have a USB or SD port as standard, because playing music from the mobile phone, through the Jabra and then to the car stereo is, although good quality, quite wasteful of power and controlling the music through the standard mobile phone interface is messy; not the fault of the Jabra, but manufacturers really need to think about the environment and work together, IMHO. If the Jabra had a next/prev track, it would be a worthwhile addition, but that would probably mean more cost.

It also suffers an occasional drop out (on a 15 minute journey in to work, the music "drops out" for a fraction of a second, on five or six different occasions. I can't tell whether it is the phone or the Cruiser 2.) which means that music delivery through the Jabra wasn't an ideal long-journey solution.

Having shop bought CDs in a car is a waste because temperature eventually gets to them; and temperature cracks the home burn CDs even faster. Having a solid state solution is superb and less wasteful of CDs, but although the sound quality through the Jabra is great, it isn't an ideal solution.

It did, however, prove that having a conversation with someone, over the car speakers, through the radio, worked beautifully (though I think that while the music came over in stereo, I believe that the voice call came over in mono, on the left, leaving a hiss on the right - I have to do more testing on this)

Conclusion - good unit for the money, well built, good voice quality and the ability to put the caller on FM radio is a nice bonus even though it does seem that the caller might end up being mono. The unit speaks what it is doing clearly and gives vocal instructions for first pairing. Using it as a media player from the phone is possible and good quality, but a waste of power; car stereos should have USB or SD card input as standard. Also, if you need to flip your car visor, you could have problems as the Cruiser 2 ends up against the window.

Accidental Internet Hillarity and Language Learning For Free

2011-12-08T07:56:00.000Z

Trying to describe this video is difficult. From the serious nature of this project has come some seriously funny side effects - and it goes on to a free way to learning another language.

Hillarious Improv

2011-12-08T07:07:00.001Z

The comedy is improvised and the guy behind her is someone from the audience.

Not all they claim?

2011-12-05T11:14:00.001Z

A "Sharpie" that isn't very sharp.

A Canadian pine that is from the other side of the planet!

We made The Middy

2011-11-30T14:56:00.001Z

i'm cut out on one side of the picture, but they captured the mood a treat ... http://www.midsussextimes.co.uk/news/day_of_protest_by_public_sector_unions_1_3293959

One of the funiest things I've seen lately...

2011-11-27T21:20:00.000Z

You've got to love ideas

2011-11-20T14:46:00.006Z

Sticking it to the big man is what happens when open source goes beyond software systems and transfers in to the real world.

This video says it better than I can, so pull up a chair and give this video five minutes of your time...

Global Village Construction Set - TED Talk from Open Source Ecology on Vimeo.

Zzzzz.....

2011-11-18T11:05:00.001Z

I've been given sleeping tablets. To be honest, it could have been worse.

This is now day seven smoke-free.

I'm getting a copy of one of Sarah Brown's late 1980's books on vegetarian cooking in a bid to reduce some of the meat I'm eating.

Health is worth having as it is the key to so many things; however in troubled times it is usually the first thing to be neglected.

Last night I had a whole bottle of fairly strong wine to myself. This morning I talked with the GP and it was worth taking the time to go through my troubles.

So. Here's to a good nights sleep tonight.

Electrically funny

2011-11-18T07:15:00.002Z

Every morning I try and find a laugh to put me in a good mood. This one is for those that like circuit diagrams. Particularly love the flux capacitor just above I-95.

It's been a while

2011-11-16T08:12:00.000Z

Yes, I know, it's been a while.

What can I say, really? YouTube has taken over as I've been switching modes of communication.

I, of all people, should know the different methods of expression available to me, but I've been neglecting the blog. Perhaps it is because I'm getting more "feedback" on youtube, I don't know. Either way, Twitter is has lost its bark, Google Plus is running in circles and generally my perspective on personal blogging/communication is re-forming.

You know ... that sounds like a good subject - I should do a video on... urk. You see the problem, I presume!

If you've got something to say on this subject ... hit me in the comments (ouch! That hurt!) and I'll see you on the next post.

A minor FineBaps rant.

2011-10-11T12:40:00.003+01:00

Now .... let's get something straight from the word go.

This is going to be a pedantic post, something of a moan and groan, but it is this which is going to cause me to go right off a sandwich shop in Haywards Heath which, otherwise, offers great value for money. None other than Fine Baps.

What is driving me nuts is a lack of consistency. I'll admit that I can be a bit of an awkward cow because I have a large BLT without the T, because the acid in the tomato doesn't help the osteoperosis. It wouldn't be a problem now and then, but when Mum leaves for a fortnight I take the opportunity to flip my diet; and daily shots of tomato doesn't help my increasingly old bones.

The diet flip is a good breakfast, followed by a solid lunch and very little in the evening. Using this technique I feel full, have enough energy to get through the day and naturally fall asleep in the evening. I also lose a bit of weight this way.

I started to ask for a BLT, without the T but with extra bacon (for the protein part of the diet)

I'm not sure how this comes together, but the rate that I pay, and how many extra slices I get for giving up the T, seems to depend radically on who is doing it. So far, I've put up with the inconsistency because it still sort-of seems reasoanble value for money.

Add to this, the loyalty card. Now, that's a very nice bit of gimmick. On every tenth order you get a free sandwich and along the way you get a free can of something or a free bag of crisps. At the end of it (50 purchases) you get a free meal. (Well, actually only 45 purchases because you actually get a free sandwich after every nine bought sandwiches.)

It is possible to enter the argument of rather than a loyalty card, bring the prices down instead; an argument that the supermarkets are starting to listen to. Whether that really applies to a sandwich shop, recesion or not, you have to admit that it becomes a bit sad when you're talking about knocking ten pence of a bacon sarnie. But ... back to the scheduled rant...

For the preceeding two free sandwiches, I've got my regular order against the free sandwich. Well, it isn't as if I haven't been paying for some of the extra bacon ... or maybe ... because to be honest, I haven't been able to keep track.

This time, however, the rules changed and I was charged for the extra bacon in the free sandwich.

Now, if I didn't order extra bacon on a regular basis, they'd have a good point. Then there is the issue of giving up the tomato and how much this contributes (if at all) to a portion of extra bacon.

I just can't keep track of what the hell I'm going to be charged, or how much I'm going to get for my money. That's the crux of the whole deal here.

I think I'll start going to Greggs. At least I know where I stand and I can calculate whether they really are value for money. Plus, they do some mean hot pasties. (plus, I have to walk a lot further so the extra exercise will do me good.)

Am I being too pedantic here, or am I being realistic? Hit me in the comments with your thoughts.

Bored

2011-09-18T12:16:00.001+01:00

I've been making videos and posting on You Tube more than I've been posting here, but I thought I'd share this...

Two Petitions

2011-08-26T07:25:00.009+01:00

I've got two petitions up. I thought I'd write a blog post explaining them so that I wasn't just asking you to sign them blind.

The first is to get the extreme pornography law off the books ... http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/5817

The second is to seriously review the Obscene Publications Act ... http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/5807

To take the oldest first, the Obscene Publications Act.

The law was brought in by politicians who wanted to protect societies morals. The problem was that they didn't have a solid enough definition of what they wanted to achieve. They simply brought in the act with odd wording and left the Crown Prosecution Service to clean up the mess.

The CPS are responsible for the various points and while about half of them are still relevant today (protection of children, beastiality illegal, etc.) a good chunk of them are not. You can read them for yourself here.

This is the main breakdown list...

sexual act with an animal
realistic portrayals of rape
sadomasochistic material which goes beyond trifling and transient infliction of injury
torture with instruments
bondage (especially where gags are used with no apparent means of withdrawing consent)
dismemberment or graphic mutilation
activities involving perversion or degradation (such as drinking urine, urination or vomiting on to the body, or excretion or use of excreta)
fisting

Actually, there have been changes. The list in 2008 was as follows...

sexual acts with children
sexual assaults upon children
portrayal of incest
buggery with an animal
rape
drug taking
flagellation
torture with instruments
bondage (especially where gags are used)
dismemberment or graphic mutilation
cannibalism
activities involving perversion or degradation (such as drinking urine or smearing excreta on a person's body)

So the children sections have been removed, (children are well covered by other laws) incest has been removed, drug taking has been removed and canibalism has been removed. This shows the exact nature of those who are now guiding this law. They don't care about protecting the morals of society as a whole. This is now just an instrument of sexual repression.

We can actually trash a good chunk of this new guidance in one swoop...

realistic portrayals of rape
sadomasochistic material which goes beyond trifling and transient infliction of injury
torture with instruments
bondage (especially where gags are used with no apparent means of withdrawing consent)
dismemberment or graphic mutilation

Take any graphic horror movie and they'll have these. The bondage, especially with gags are used, should have also caught films like, "Pulp Fuction," but, oh dear, that seems to have slipped the net. As for the rest of it, well, that should have taken out a good number of our serious horror and mutilation films like, "Saw," and many, many others that achieve classification regularly in our system. I mean, bondage is used in children's entertainment material where the villains tie up the goodies and sling a gag in their mouths. How many kids played cowboys and indians?

What's left?

sexual act with an animal
activities involving perversion or degradation (such as drinking urine, urination or vomiting on to the body, or excretion or use of excreta)
fisting

Well I don't agree with beastiality, but "scat," (otherwise known as Coprophilia) and fisting are common sexual acts in the UK; admittedly scat is on the specialist side.

So the majority of even the current advice on the OPA is just so far out of step with the reality of sexual life in the UK that it is ridiculous. WHY THE HELL they took out cannibalism, I haven't got a fucking clue. Well, it makes sense only if you conclude that the law was created by a bunch of sexual prudes that can't handle reality.

The bottom line is that they just didn't have a clue about what they wanted to achieve when they made this law. It also applies to the written word as well as pictures; this is why the advice on drug abuse was taken off as even the governments own anti-drug campaigns should have been prosecuted under this law.

It is a law of dreamers, how they would like society to be, rather than for them to grow up and acknowledge how society currently IS.

Second law, the, "Extreme Pornography" law which is actually a section of the Criminal Justice and Immigration act.

There are so many things wrong with this law that it is unbelievable.

For a start, the REA report (which you can read here in PDF form) complained about the time scale... "Within the timescales and resources available, a full systematic review was not possible. Instead, the design drew on aspects of systematic review methodology. The inclusion and exclusion criteria (in Annex A) were established with the Home Office."

The impact on the arts has not been addressed. The Ministry of Justice was asked about an exhibition at The Barbican that ran from the 12th October 2007 to the 27th of January 2008 in an exhibition entitled "Seduced: Art & Sex from Antiquity to Now." The MoJ have not answered this question. The validity of publicly displayed works from the likes of Maplethorpe, are now in question but more importantly and far, far more telling about just how little proper thought and research was put in to this law, is that it is a question which the government refuses to answer; because they don't have an answer; or at least most likely, not one that the public would accept as being realistic.

The Ministry of Justice was asked, five times to date, to name one case, past, present or future where this act has or would have saved even one life. They have not answered this question. The only conclusion is that this law was not brought in to tackle crime, but to criminalise portions of society in an attempt to align societies morals towards someone else's thinking.

Research like Kutchinsky B's 1991 report from the Institute of Criminal Science, University of Copenhagen, Denmark entitled, "Pornography and rape: theory and practice? Evidence from crime data in four countries where pornography is easily available.", need to be brought up to date. It was clearly stated ... "The development of rape and attempted rape during the period 1964-1984 was studied in four countries: the U.S.A., Denmark, Sweden and West Germany. In all four countries there is clear and undisputed evidence that during this period the availability of various forms of pictorial pornography including violent/dominant varieties (in the form of picture magazines, and films/videos used at home or shown in arcades or cinemas) has developed from extreme scarcity to relative abundance. If (violent) pornography causes rape, this exceptional development in the availability of (violent) pornography should definitely somehow influence the rape statistics. Since, however, the rape figures could not simply be expected to remain steady during the period in question (when it is well known that most other crimes increased considerably), the development of rape rates was compared with that of non-sexual violent offences and nonviolent sexual offences (in so far as available statistics permitted). The results showed that in none of the countries did rape increase more than nonsexual violent crimes. This finding in itself would seem sufficient to discard the hypothesis that pornography causes rape."

The counter argument presented is that it is viewing such material that makes people want to commit these acts. The MoJ acknowledge that this is a very contentious area, but has chosen to legislate in this environment and likely increase the number of violent sexually motivated attacks in to our society instead of holding the status quo while much needed in depth research was carried out.

The REA also fell down in that it relied on material presented to students in a controlled environment, removing their ability to exercise their own judgement and walk away from what offended them on an individual level; effectively creating conditions where a particular result would be almost assured to be observed. The Society for Social Work and Research in their January 2007 report Bridging Disciplinary Boundaries commented on such; "However, much of the work in this area has been conducted with college students and in psychology lab situations. Therefore, the research results may not pertain to sexual abusers, adolescents, or real life experiences."

The law is heavily subjective. History shows that applications of the OPA have been successful in more conservative parts of the UK while more liberal judges in other parts have dismissed similar cases. It is bad enough that we suffer post code lottery health care. Postcode lottery justice is just too much to stomach.

Voices against the law (on the subjectivity angle) even came from people who were outside the sexual arena. Here is a quote from an article on The Register - "Ironically, some support for these calls comes from John Beyer, Director of Mediawatch UK, and supporter of even stricter measures on pornography. "It is important for there to be clear divide between what is legal and what is not. People need to know.""

The actual use of the law to date, has been pathetic. A secondary charge only as an add-on to pornography being peddled on street corners. Hardly a good use for a law that came in to being with such high ideals.

It was a waste of government time and resource (and public money) and should be struck from our books.

The sad thing is, that I could present yet more argument against this law and also the police. It is THAT BAD.

If the government want to come up with a law that really protects people, then they had better get a firm grip on what it is that they are trying to achieve ... FIRST.

Animal Slaughter

2011-08-20T01:50:00.000+01:00

Here is an e-mail I've just sent to my MP. After reading it, you may wish to send a similar e-mail to your own and maybe sign this petition. I don't expect a response, I never do get one whenever religious rights and exemptions to our laws are involved.

Dear Mr Soames,

Here is proof that animals have souls, are intelligent, feeling and are even capable of passing the "altruism" test.

These links prove that even donkeys come to the aid of another animal when under attack; cross species altruism. Washoe demonstrated a deep understanding and empathy when one of the keepers said that her baby had misscaried.
http://www.petproductmarketing.co.uk/content.php?sid=428
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Washoe_%28chimpanzee%29

Animals are deserving of a humane death.

Secondly, no religion has given any good reason why they should be given exemptions to the law of the land.

Thirdly, there are a number of pre-stunning methods. One delivers a shock that kills the animal. The second only scrambles the brain and if left alone, an animal will make a full recovery, mere seconds after such a stun; which is why an animal so stunned is acceptable to halal buchery, but still awakens to witness its own murder.

At the very least, Mr Soames, meat should be labelled as to whether it was concious when it died; simply stating whether it was halal slaughtered should be enough to denote which of the various stunning methods was used. An indicator of a single letter on a coloured square should be able to be large enough to be seen, no matter what the label.

At the best, any meat that is halal acceptable, should be banned from import without a special licence, or else restricted to being carried out by licenced abattoirs only for the specialist communities.

I find the practice that allows kosher slaughter for the community that requires it, to be acceptable. To find halal meat in our generic food chain as if it was the norm, is unacceptable and must be stopped. You may wish to examine the FAWC advice given to government in 2004 and mentioned in this BBC article.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/2977086.stm

Yours sincerely,

Miss Michelle Knight.

150 years ago...

2011-07-30T07:04:00.001+01:00

I've got my hands on the life expectancy statistics from the Office For National Statistics going back to 1841.

Back in those far off days, 1.51% of the population (1 in 66-ish) could expect to live beyond 100 and the majority of them were expected to last to 104.

In 2002, 2% (1 in 50) will made the century with a gradual drop off to a break through 109.

That is a slow progress over 150 years. So where does the panic come from? Well there were two dips. One in the late1800's and another in the mid 1900's. If you actually take the last fifty years as your basis for a graph, then the differences are actually fairly dramatic. Although still nearly one in 50 of us could expect to reach 100 in both 1960-62 and 1970-72, there isn't anyone recorded as reaching 101.

If anyone is being cheated here, it looks like the British population were actually cheated out of our expected life spans. This is the picture for 90+ going back to the 1840s. The government are definitely cooking the books here.

A public sector workers analisys.

2011-06-22T08:47:00.002+01:00

So. The household of UK Ltd. is in a bit of trouble with the bank manager. The government are the ones holding the purse strings and have to get all us kiddywinkles to swalow the medicine they've got lined up for us. But should be be swallowing like nice little girls and boys or should we be throwing a tantrum? Well, let's have a look at this.

Any household in trouble knows there are two possible actions. The first is to cut spending. The second is to earn more.

Labours position was to support the latter. The conservatives are going hell bent for leather on the former. Both have their good and bad points. Let's start, however, with the pensions side of things.

If you look at life expectancy, then we've added a good five years to our lives in the last thirty years. That's from government statistics. (Edit-only relative to 1980) There is an argument that pensions do need to be changed and given these figures, working longer is a valid argument, but the ultimate question is, by how much?

This fact alone, however, does show how the issue can't be tackled on a broad stroke basis. Office workers could put in more extra years than someone doing a physical job like a fireman, nurse, ambulance worker, police officer, things like that. This is one key argument against the current proposals. We are now at such an age difference that one size will not fit all.

But what of the other two mechanisms, paying more in and getting less out. Well, that's more difficult.

The deficit in the public pensions wasn't helped by the fact that public bodies were allowed to borrow from the pension funds. This practice was severely restricted in 2009, but many local government still owe money to the pension schemes of their staff. Some councils wrote large cheques to clear their defecits, but others are drip feeding back at the slowest rate they can manage.

A pension fund relies on its asssets to build. If it doesn't have the assets then it can't generate the returns. The actual amounts vary accross the board and is attributable to the management of that council rather than its political aliegance, but the government has to face up to the fact that it has a significant part to play in the fact that some pension funds are not fit for purpose. It is now asking staff to put their hands in their pockets to cover government borrowing from their own pension pot.

It is no wonder that some of these pension changes are going down like a ton of bricks.

Pensions are, like anything else, an investment. After the investment matures (at the time of drawing) an anuity is bought. The figures are given at the end of every financial year in the terms of a pension statement. Assuming that I worked until my late sixties and that, given the likelyhood that I will live in to my late eighties, based on the governments own statistics, then my current return on my pension would be akin to putting my money in to a bank account that earns a little shy of six percent. That's not bad. Not great, but not dire. After the changes, however, the forecast drops to under four percent. Even in our stricken times, I can do better than that in a building society.

Those maths themselves prove that our pensions aren't gold plated. The irony is also that the people from the various financial services who are supporting the governments change of pensions from final salary to career average, are themselves on final salary schemes. One admitted such on the sofa of BBC Breakfast the other morning.

The other thing missing from pensions is the rate at which they keep pace with inflation. An annuity that doesn't keep proper pace with inflation will see the monthly pension payments earn less as the years go on. But is this fair?

The annuity will be free to earn money at the rate of inflation; follow the markets and enjoy the full up and down. In effect, a pension that pays out worse returns over the years, is actually building up funds for the pension pot, to the detriment of the individual who put their money in it. This is an issue which has undermined many private pensions.

If the government actually want people to put money in to their own pensions, then this kind of behaviour needs to be stopped. They need to be bringing private pensions up to the standard of public pensions rather than the other way around as this is effectively daylight robbery; peoples hard earned cash going in to the hands of private companies running annuities.

This is the sort of behaviour that prevents people from actually saving for pensions in the first place and placing even more burden on the state.

Personally, I'm starting to put odd bits and pieces in other investments. It leaves less money in the household for the here and now, but in my opinion the future pension is not going to give me a livable fund. To do this, however, you have to keep on top of investments. You can't just put your money one side and forget about it. Independent financial advice has been invaluable, as has been keeping on top of things.

There is a problem with this, however. With the government forcing people to put more of their money in to a worsening pension, then that leaves the household with less money. That means less money to live with and therefore less free cash with which to invest. This means that there is a growing strength to the argument that some people would be better off getting out of the public sector pension and making other investments. Obviously, independent advice will be needed before making such a bold move, but that is the reality of the devalation of the public pension being undertaken.

The conclusion on the pensions side...

1) The government aren't quick to tell people that one of the reasons that the funds aren't up to scratch is that they let councils borrow from them and that blunted the pots ability to grow.

2) Some changes are necessary as statistics do show we are living longer, but the figures are cutting the value of pensions to a level which is out of porportion with the extra life expectancy.

3) The protections of our annuities under the changes will be out of step with inflation and won't represent good value for money. The cautious will need to save more in avenues outside the pension scheme (while having less available money to do this) while others will have more reason to throw caution to the wind and live a good life now, intending to sit back and live an armchair retirement off the back of the state.

So, are we being lied to? Well, "poli," being Latin for "many," and "ticks" being, "blood sucking creatures," when you're dealing with politics, you can be sure as eggs are eggs that you're being lied to.

I went on a Union treasurers course during which we were given the following sheet. It consists of figures that, as a nation, local government are predicting will happen to their reserve (forecasting that councils would eat in to their reserves by hundreds of millions of pounds) against what actually happened. (their reserves grew by hundreds of millions of pounds and sometimes growing reserves nationally by a billion pounds.) Even in the worse of the financial of years the pesimism ran over the billion pound mark, but local governments still managed to put £249 million in the bank, on top of what was already there. At the same time, they were bleating poverty.

As a nation, we're not as broke as you think, even at local government level. However, individual councils will have their own small story concerning this and if you want to know what is happening, then your own councils financial statement has to be publically available. Most have it on their web site.

If you really want to understand what you're local council is doing then it is worth learning enough to read these reports and ascertain what they're doing. Frequently, many plans will be contained in the financial reports because the funding needed to carry them out, has to be within those pages anyway.

The annual financial report is perhaps the single most important local council document to read.

Now we move on to the job cuts and the outsourcing to the private sector.

Many local authorities have a history of services being bounced out to private companies and then back in again. There is also a history of permanent staff being sacked, replaced by a force of contractors and then the contractors made permanent. These cycles continue.

A private company can not deliver a service of good standard at the same time as making money for its shareholders, on the kind of money that local government already pays for its in house service. If a council out sources its services then this is valid reason for looking at the quality of the management. After all, if the private sector can do it, then the public sector can as well; and without the need to make a profit, this translates to a saving for the public purse.

The driving factor behind all this is politics. Whether you want a large public service working for the people, or a large private sector making money for shareholders. Classic conservative and labour positions.

Also remember that Chief Executive in the Nottingham-ish area who put forward the financial case for out sourcing services and a few years later, created another report making the case that they would save money by bringing the same services in house again.

Let's have a look at the deficit. The actual amount we owe in terms of financial number, is very high. The key, however, is how our outgoings relate to our incommmings.

Translated, as long as our country is bringing in more money than we spend out, then we're sorting the deficit out.

It is things like this which make decisions like Birmingham councils choice of sacking local workers to outsource to India, very politically damaging. It upsets this balance as rather than money rolling around our countries economy, it is leaking outside the country and affecting this balance.

It is also why the privatisation is hurting us becuase many companies are themselves funded by overseas banks (because our own are restricting lending) and the local firms that support local people are going to the wall while the multinationals are gaining contracts which are taking our money abroad, yet again.

We are undermining our local busineses, our money is going abroad and we're losing money purely because the companies being brought in to run our public services or from whom we purchase products and services are, in themselves, containing foreign elements.

Shifting from public to private won't help our GDP and won't help balance the countries books unless all the purchases are kept locally.

The only thing helping this are the private industries which are exporting and feeding money in to the system via taxes.

This is all well and good, but this is an uphill struggle if the workforce or companies that supply the services that keep our country running, or else supply the funding and therefore earn the interest from such investments, are foreign.

At the very least, the companies, workforce and financial investment, needs to be British. However, with all the European competition rules, we do have our hands tied a little there.

Another section of figures from the meeting. It shows that as a country, we have income and expenditure. Cutting expenditure by cutting jobs ends up increasing the outgoings on social spending regarding housing and benefits. It just moves from one side of the equation to the other. The real things which are going to sort out the countries financial state are corporation taxes while supporting our local economies and businesses to make us less reliant on imported services and providing British investmant funding to help stop the leakage of finance abroad.

You can probably now see why, to me, it doesn't make financial sense to move the public sector in to the private sphere. Not unless those companies are British and funded by UK investment.

My view on the news - The Lords

2011-05-18T22:22:00.001+01:00

The Lords

There is talk about getting rid of the Lords. Seems like a daft idea to me, undertaken by the House Of Commons in order that they can get their bills passed without any opposition.

I see it like this. The Lords can speak the truth and demand answers to very awkward questions without having to worry about upsetting the populace. In my book, if it wasn't for the Lords then we would have considerably more stupid, ludicrous and manic laws on our books than we do at present.

There is what is right, and what the public perceives as being right. We all know what can happen when a vocal minority decide to spook their representatives. It is just as well that the Lords aren't voted in. They are our one and only remaining barrier to save us from ourselves.

My view on the news - Police and Prime Ministers Questions

2011-05-18T12:47:00.001+01:00

Police

Personally, I welcome the fact that the police are facing cuts. Perhaps this will leave them will less time to hassle photographers, stop them from harassing portions of the community within the BDSM scene and stop the abuses that the police undertake in the very name of the warrant that is granted them by the public, to protect the public.

From my own experience of the police, when facing physical attacks on my home I fought hard to get a night vision camera and recorder fitted, only to have the attacks mysteriously stop when the camera was installed and start again on the very night that it was removed. All throughout this, the officer installing the camera pointed it at the door, rather than out at the street to actually capture a picture of the offenders. My opinion is that the police have gone from having a few rotten apples at the bottom of the barrel, to it being a case of working hard to find the few good apples at the top.

Prime Ministers Question Time

It is called this, because the Prime Minister never actually gives any real, important answers.

My view on the news - NHS reform and Pakistan

2011-05-18T10:03:00.000+01:00

Health Sector

This is going to destroy the NHS. If the private sector are allowed to compete on the good bits on services, that will leave the NHS having to fund the non-profitable services and then it will run out of money and fail. End game is the collapse of the NHS. Where Royal Mail is going, the NHS will follow. Destruction of the public services, one by one. Once the conservatives have done as much damage as they can in their years of power, then the next government will have a much harder job to pick up the pieces.

This is the same for all the public services. The private sector costs more and delivers less. The only realistic answer to obtaining value for money is to improve the performance of the public sector and that can only be done by making management more accountable for the services they are delivering. The private sector is only an answer to putting public money in to private pockets.

Pakistan

They are already walking a tightrope between internal religious practices and the international stage. So far all calls for the death penalty under charges of blasphemy have been overturned; such is the fear of Pakistan of the rage of the International community. There really is no way out for Pakistan other than to come down hard on terrorist sections, otherwise it could end up being the bolt hole for such a majority of religious terrorists, that would become isolated on the International stage and that would then attract sanctions against it. It doesn't really have a choice unless it wants to cut itself off from the International community.

My view on Osama Bin Laden's death

2011-05-02T07:57:00.003+01:00

The war will not be over until all those who believe that it is right to murder people for what they believe, (blasphemy) or what they are (homophobia, etc.) or that one sex is naturally given to rule over the other, (sexual oppression) are forever ousted from the human mind set.

Burning Issue 6 - protecting children from sex offences

2011-04-25T12:32:00.000+01:00

Before you start reading this article, let me get one thing straight. As far as I am concerned, bastards who sexually wreck children's lives should be locked up and the key thrown away. Have no doubt about that.

As a society, however, we have a problem.

Take the typical scenario below. The time when an offender is caught is AFTER they have committed the offence and by that time, the young child themselves are traumatised and are carrying this problem with them for the rest of their lives. Yes, the offender gets locked up for a long time when they are caught, but this is the wrong way of going about it ... too late.

This is what I'm aiming for. Stop the perpetrator before they commit the crime and wreck someone's life. But how do we do it? Well, this won't work for al paedophiles but there is a particular class of abuser who it will help, and if it has the potential to save one child, it it worth considering.

Before I start detailing things, I have to convince you that it is in your best interest to shelve your emotions. Knee jerk politics has been responsible for a whole raft of stupid laws lately. Rather than being thought out and relying on evidence, research and proof, some twit has whipped up the population in to a barking mad, foaming at the mouth, pitchfork waving, banging on the gates frenzy.

If you're going to understand any of this, then you have to park your emotional reflex on the shelf right now.

Penn and Teller, in their US series, "Bullshit," proved just how bad we really are when we let our emotions and minimal information reflexes go in to overdrive. Getting a researcher to tell nothing other than the truth, they got a large number of people to sign a petition to ban, "Di Hydrogen monoxide." Yep, they managed to get people to actually sign a petition calling for WATER to be banned.

That is why you need to park your emotional response.

I'm going to ask you a question. You don't have to answer me, as it is not me you have to convince; or not convince ... um ... you know what I'm talking about.

Think about what turns you on. Think about what starts your pulse racing. Muscle bound builders? Long, lanky legs? Those come-to-bed eyes? Good. Now hold that thought.

WHY do you have that response? What put that trigger in you? Did you consciously decide that you would drop your jaw on these stimuli? I doubt that very many people will answer yes to that question.

That is an involuntary, positive reaction. Otherwise known as fetishes, some common inanimate trigger objects are fur, leather, rubber, etc. and the fetishists will usually admit that don't know why they have these triggers, or have any control over them. Involuntary negative reactions are phobias.

We all like to think that Mother Nature is a benevolent person that wouldn't harm a fly. Well, there are times when she is an evil old crone. Children born with all sorts of conditions; hole in the heart, etc. you name it ... the list is very large.

So, we come to the logical conclusion that some people are being born or somehow programmed with an attraction to young children. We already know that children who have been abused are also likely to carry on that trait themselves, so I'm not painting pre-programming as a cause of all paedophiles; only a section. How large a section, we don't know.

They know who they are ... but we don't ... until it is too late.

What evidence exists to support this?

One main piece of evidence is in the writings of long serving Paramedic Brian Kellet, writing under the name of Tom Reynolds in his book, "Blood, Sweat and Tea."

"Imagine, if you will, getting sent to a job where a 15-year old boy is threatening suicide. You turn up at the address and discover that it is a care home. Meeting with one of his carers she hands you a list of the boy's medications and it reads like a, 'Who's Who' of psychiatric drugs. You talk to the boy and he seems calm, collected and very polite. He explains that he wants to jump out of a window and kill himself, and agrees that he would like to go to hospital. You take him in to the paediatric department of a local hospital. As this does not feel like the normal, “Teenager wants to kill themselves” you have a chat wit the children's nurse and you ask them to let you know what happens to the patient. You leave and continue with your shift. The next day you ask the children's nurse about the patient and she tells you, “The boy wanted to die because he wants to have sex with, and kill small children – and that he knows that it is wrong.

I hate paedophiles as much as any other member of society, but in front of me that day, I saw a victim."

So here we have it. A human being who openly admits to this desire within him, has no ability to control it and wants to kill himself rather than give in to it and wreck another child's life.

It is at this point that the emotionally driven retards will say, "Lock him up and throw away the key!" Those are the kind of people that would happily hand the poor kid a gun and a bullet.

There is also an aspect of how our society is very badly handling the situation at present. "Diary of an On-Call Girl" purports to be the writings of a serving policewoman. Started anonymously, like Brian Kellet did, this book is a collection of her blogging posts. In its darker moments, however, there are pieces that strike a serious chord on this subject, like this one on pages 180 and 181...

Colin is 13 and I have located him three times already this year. On each occasion I found him in the same place, back at the Foundation sitting in front of the television.
This time, we are shown in by Carlita, one of the live-in carers. She makes me a cup of tea and apologises for having to call us out.
"So," I say, "Why did he go this time?"
"He went for some fags. We usually let him have one after doing his homework, but he wanted one now. So he just left."
I look at the front door, a sturdy-looking PVC thing with two bolts. "How did he get out?"
"He opened the door."
"Did anyone try to stop him?"
"We aren't allowed to do that!" She looks horrified at the suggestion. "If they become violent, we retreat."
"But couldn't you just lock the door?"
"We don't lock them in," she says, "That might make them violent."
Perhaps I have misunderstood the nature of the Foundation. I ask for a recap. "Why are the kids here again?"
"High risk offenders. Most of them have committed rapes or sexual assault on younger kids. Colin raped a younger boy last year."
"And they aren't in prison because...?"
"Well, most of them were also abused as kids," Carlita explains. "They're not even sixteen, so it wouldn't be fair to just chuck them in jail and throw away the key. They're mixed up kids."
"So let me get this straight: you have a house full of boys who have been victims of sexual assault, living in a house with boys who have committed sexual assaults?"
"Well, they aren't allowed in each others' rooms."
Colin is under a Supervision Order from the court and Carlita shows me the order. It lays down in no uncertain terms that COlin is to stay indoors at the Benicci Foundation all day, except when escorted to school and back by staff or taken on outings authorised by staff. He is to abide by the rules of the house and is not allowed to be rude or threatening or to assault anyone.
"So he breaks this Order every time he goes storming out?" I ask.
She nods. "If he does it again he'll be put in a high security home."
Will takes out the paperwork. "He's done it ... let's see ... 30 times in the last three months."
Sadly, this is no exaggeration. Colin and others like him really exist, as to their records of going "missing."
She shrugs. "Well, like I say. One of these days he'll be put in high security."
I shake my head, and go to look for the little ragamiffin. First stop, the park. As we drive into the park our car is surrounded by a gaggle of ten year old boys in school uniform and we chat to them for five minutes. On leaving, I look in my mirror and see some parents pull up to collect the kids. I wonder what those parents would say if they knew that a thirteen year old child rapist wanders through that park two or three times a week, untroubled by the court order designed to protect their children from him."

So here we are ... the question is ... what do we do?

There are three options...

1) Lock the poor sod up.
2) Do nothing but wait until the poor sod is driven insane, commits an offence, wrecks someone else's life and THEN lock the poor sod up.
3) Do something to help and prevent the poor sod from ruining another child's life.

To be honest, at this point I am no expert in the condition, but what I have been reading, and the little correspondence I have had with people in this field, makes me believe we are really poorly equipped to help someone in this position.

*) Funding for this area; non-existent from what I've been told. (by a charity responsible for rehabilitating abused children)
*) How to help these people and stop them from offending; that needs research ... for which ...there happens to be no funding available, thanks to our over-emotional brethren whipping up such a fucking opinion storm that no one stands a chance of having reasonable debate in this field.

The only thing I can put forward here is the following.

1) Any person presenting for help has their DNA taken and stored forever more; that will help foster in their own minds that if they DO do something, that they're going to get caught. I'm not sure how human rights legislation will come in to play on that.

2) That they receive regular monitoring/counselling by either the medical or psychiatric profession (not the Police) - hopefully a positive presence in their lives on this issue will help keep them positive and on the right track.

3) That some form of help is provided to help handle the feelings and stop them from actually doing any harm to anyone.

...and no, I don't take it as acceptable that we lock them up and throw away the key unless they've done something. After all, every now and then some people give me the urge to throttle them, but that doesn't make me eligible for being locked up for murder ... does it?

Sony Boycot

2011-04-13T12:27:00.000+01:00

If you've been abhored, as I have, by the actions of Sony then you might want to consider never owning another Sony product again, and signing the petition.

This is actually the latest in a long line of Sony faux pas which include the time they removed the code from their laptop Bios which prevented XP compatability mode in Windows 7, from working; despite the processor being capable.

The time when Sony sold audio CD's which had a protection mechanism that installed itself secretly on customers machines with the aim of preventing them from copying the CD; something that I don't think they were ever properly prosecuted for under various state laws concerning hacking.

What a way to treat your customers.

BBC Model B

2011-04-08T22:44:00.000+01:00

This is the BBC Micro, model B. It will be 30 years old next year. And I just bought one.
Am I nuts? Well? Am I?

Well, to start with despite its age it is a good machine. I can't fault it. The games are some of the oldest around. From e-bay, it cost £50 and I spent another £25 on a SD card reader system for it. Dead simple if you know how to fit it; and the only serious problem I've had with it is that two of the keys weren't working.

The BBC Micro keys were designed to take a beating. They normally fail through lack of use. One was brought back to life after taking a hammering but the other has, despite managing to re-make the connection, lost its spring which hasn't returned despite a bath in electronic cleaning solvent. I have a feeling a bath in something else might sort it.

So, one soldering iron later, the faulty C key was swapped with the little used F9 key and I'm back in business.

On the way is a card which will allow me to take the BBC's RGB output and display it on a standard LCD monitor via the analogue connection.

The SD system can hold the equivalent of 511 floppy disk drive images on a 128meg SD card. In fact, the only problem I'm likely to have in the future is the inability to get hold of SD cards, so I'm going to get a few more next month.

The RGB to VGA system is going to be a little more complicated. Fortunately, Kat Maul thinks it will not be a serious issue. I'll document all this in video in the future. The converter unit cost £30 and there will be a few pennies in some small components to drop some voltages somewhere.

So why?

Well, the BBC B was the first machine I really used as a child. I had it for a good few years and it is what made the magic possible. Befuddled by constantly losing while playing games, I did a James T Kirk, Kobayashi Maru on them. I'd break in to the code in order to stop the game detecting a collision. That way, I'd never die.

This is what led to my programming lust and that translated in to a real passion for IT.

Today's consoles don't offer that possibility. They are there to play the game only and it is so difficult to dick around with them that the process of learning by hacking doesn't happen like it used to. Sony offered an Other OS on the Playstation 3, but then unilaterally took it away. Bloody corporations should be shot.

All those peeks and pokes that children used to do, typing in games from magazine pages, anyone with the time to learn could work out how to change the numbers to their advantage. Normally it involved looking for the number 3 and increasing it to 255 to see if you got extra lives when you played the game!

How I learned was by messing around. The systems weren't that complicated back then, so it was possible to learn the system quite quickly. Modern systems are just to complicated to do that unless you've got serious amounts of time on your hands. Also, there is so much technology around that teachers can't keep abreast. One teacher thought Linux was a virus. Another saw a child passing around Linux CD's in the play ground and confiscated them believing that no software can be free. Ha! Did they have to eat their words!

There is a soft spot in my heart for this particularly old pile of chips. Not only that, it is built like a tank. Thirty years old and still running sweet. Not only that, the capability to read SD cards and transfer data to other computers is something that just shows how many people still invent for and support this platform.

It is a gorgeous piece of kit and I'm happy that I own one again, even if it will get a hammering when I play, "Track and Field." Oh happy days!

My Best Cellar

2011-04-01T14:33:00.000+01:00

I've been spending my bed ridden, "deep heat" tortured incarceration finishing off, "My Best Cellar" by Wilf Lunn, the somewhat inventive inventor (at least, more intellectually inventive than practically inventive, in my humble opinion) from the Huddersfield area.

If you want this book you can get it from Amazon where you might want to consider a second hand copy for the lower price, or else if you're like me and happen to be a nostalgic twit who remembers, "Vision On," as a child, would like to see some cash go to Wilf's pocket, and have more money than sense, you can get a signed copy from Wilf's Web Site. As the signed copy only costs £9.99 that probably adequately describes how much sense I haven't got. But I digress. On with the review.

Much of this book is set in Wilf's young life and as his parents were both deaf and lived, "Up Nawf," you can be sure that there is no shortage of experience and tale to tell. A good chunk of the hilarity centres around the tricks that a young, over active mind can play on the various situations and instruction that come from experienced adults; people who have perhaps forgotten the kinds of interpretations that growing minds can place on a situation.

Among the many gems of experience is this one, "Apart from saying 'Pardon?' instead of 'Y'What?' or 'Eh?' the only other advice he ever gave me was that the best bit of a beast to eat was the part that did all the work, so don't bother with chicken's brains, go for the legs. Fortunately we never had buck rabbit, I didn't fancy bunny willies."

The book also contains dire warnings such as, when you're delivering a bear its evenings fish and chips, don't forget to knock on the door of its cage before entering; otherwise it might bite you and you'll have a hell of a job explaining to the ambulance service that you're not a crank caller.

"She said it was a 'Meat Safe'. Food was valuable and scarce but to actually have more meat than for just one meal was inconceivable to me. I could understand that if it got about that Auntie had extra meat in the house she could have beef burglars breaking in and so a safe would be necessary. But it didn't look all that safe to me; it didn't even have a lock on the door."

One other piece to whet your appetite, "The wireless was a beautiful veneer floor-standing model. Years later she gave it to us Mam hated it because she couldn't lip-read it so she was completely left out and, for some reason I never fathomed, she called it 'Tincan'. We, of course, didn't have a wireless at home, which put me at somewhat of a disadvantage when my school chums talked about what they'd been listening to. I'd never heard Dick Barton Special Agent. Mick Walsh told me a kid who lived near the actor who played Dick Barton chucked a stone through his window with a paper message wrapped round it. The message was 'SOLVE THIS'."

It goes on from there to describe Wilf's attempts with cat whisker radios and the resultant meeting with one of his girlfriends where he tried to get Radio Luxembourg on her breasts. Well, all that tuning effort should have paid off somehow; shouldn't it?

Wilf's book is slow to get started. For me, it picked up at around page 40, but as it runs for more than 200 pages, there is plenty of material here to get the chuckle muscles working.

The kind of below house room that Wilf lived in will go for £90,000 today in the up and coming areas, or else for that price in a less desirable area you can get the whole house. This kind of realisation can catch you upside the head when it comes home that Wilf is still with us and the houses are still very much a part of our landscape; yet the world he documents in his book seems to be of a time very much distant.

Ow.

2011-04-01T09:52:00.000+01:00

I haven't posted here for a while now. Fate has conspired against me. However, fate has also lain me up in bed so, with netbook on lap, I can at least get a post off.

What am I doing lain up? Well, it all started with last weekend. Under stress, I returned to smoking and went from darn near nothing, to downing a packet of twenty in two days. That didn't do me any good.

Wednesday morning then saw me crouching under peoples desks. In IT, desk exploration is part of the job and you never quite know what you're going to find. Lost coin of the realm, paper clips, drawing pins (which you can only hope to find by sight before physical contact) and very, very rarely the scurge of any office building, the eight leggedy, of which I'm absolutely terrified.

Desk exploration comes with its usual hazards, namely head and back bumping; the former happens more often, but because of my unusually dense skull and the lack of anything therein that is fragile, I usually get off scott free. However, you know those odd occasions where you can put your back out by merely picking up a pen? Well, that happened to me. My back suffered pain for most of Wednesday and breathing wasn't the easiest, but I struggled through.

Thursday was much easier, but that only proved to be the calm before the storm. I had also permanently borrowed a few more cigarettes that evening; which probably proved to be the straw that broke the camels back. Or in my case, the smoke that reacted in the lungs.

My back muscles screamed with pain. Having used up all the deep heat on a previous walking trip, there was only relief in Mum's cream for her joints.

If there is one thing worse than having a back pain which knifes your nervous system every time you move, it is having lungs that are insistent that a violent cough is needed to expel the poison. Needless to say, it was 4am before I got off to sleep and I woke again a couple of hours later.

So, Mum has gone to the pharmacist and I'm stuck here in bed, trying like hell not to cough. Well, at least it has given me chance to write, but due to the odd position I'm currently in, it has taken so much time to pen this sorry tale that I almost want to hand back my certificate for touch typing in shame.

More updates as and when they don't happen. Ouch.

4 hours, some weeks on

2011-02-28T06:42:00.014Z

So how have I been doing? Well, the data speaks for itself. My weight is going down slowly and I don't feel like I'm on a diet. In fact, I've been eating crisps and Coke occasionally, as I'll explain.

As well as the dietary changes, I also started taking infrequent garlic capsules; they help keep the blood flowing. I found the tablets easier to handle than the capsules.

This is the theory of metabolism. As you go on a diet and crash your calorie intake, your metabolism eventually slows to adjust to your food intake. The hashed area is where the metabolism is using more energy than you're eating and thus using fat; as you can see, eventually it joins the calorie intake and you're no longer losing weight.. This is why diets fail after a short while; the body adapts to your food intake and you no longer lose any weight.

The trick is to spike your metabolism every seven days to push it back up there. You don't need to pig out, but a good calorie intake will force the spike up and then you can return to the slow-carb diet and continue.

The final piece of the jig saw is exercise.

Exercise doesn't need expensive equipment and if you're carrying a lot of weight you don't have to get over active to start exercising. The arms are a great place to start and while I've got two 5kg dumb bells, all you really need are drinks bottles of whatever size, filled with water or sand. Arm exercises, to exhaustion every two or three days, is a good start at turning some fat in to muscle tissue. As you get better, increase the size of the bottles. Be careful that if you're in an area where you can't afford a spill, put them in plastic bags as extra safety. Just take your time and do the exercises right.

Long ago, I was taught that you do the exercises slowly for strength and quickly for bulk, so I do things slowly. Curls, using the elbows to bring the weights up to the shoulder, and stretches, taking the weights out to the side, or over the head. Ideally, the weight should be enough to make you feel like you're doing work, but not enough to stop you from doing between ten and fifteen reps.

You don't even have to get up from the sofa for these kind of exercises.

If you're like me, you've got memories of being in the gym, looking at the readout of the treadmill, reading the meter that tells you how many calories you've burned and have worked it out to be a minuscule part of a mars bar. (Ferris echoed exactly my thoughts in his book) You also have very little space at home and even less enthusiasm for hard work. Ferris says that if you do one exercise, make it the kettle bell swing.

What you're not told, however, is that exercise pays more dividends over time. As the BBC TV show demonstrated, the exercise doesn't just stop when you stop doing it, the effect on your metabolism continues over time, even while you're sleeping. The important thing is to keep at it and give yourself proper rest breaks between exercise sessions.

I've asked my friends in the leisure business and they agree that it is a good exercise. It has to be done right, the muscles have to be clenched and you shouldn't drop the weight too far to the floor. If you have problems watching the embedded video, here is the direct link.

The key thing is to raise the heart level for twenty minutes, twice a week. That is the minimum exercise needed to kick the muscles in to action converting the fat to tissue. As you've seen in the video, the kettle bell swing uses the arms, the back, the stomach, the backside, the legs, everything is getting a good work out for minimal effort. But if you decide to buy a kettle bell, be warned off the ones which are wider than the handle; remember that the bell will need to go between you're legs; and you don't want a bell that will take out your thighs on the downward stroke. I think my starting bell weight will be n the low 20 killo range.

I also do a few extra things, like if I'm climbing stairs, I'll put a bit of body energy in to it and I'll take the stairs instead of the lift where I can if it is only a few flights.

So the keys here are to use the diet to eat foods which help stave off hunger (protein breakfast) and keep your metabolism high (first hour breakfast) using these things to cut down the amount of food your eating (avoid domino foods, watch the fruits high in natural sugar, smaller dinner plates, fresh lemon juice after the meal to turn fast carbs to slow carbs, etc.) and cut down on the bread. Top this off with a bit of exercise and you should be on your way.

Also, don't cosset yourself. Your body will use calories to generate energy to keep yourself warm. You don't have to be uncomfortable or drive yourself towards hypothermia, but just lose the extra blankets on the bed so you use a bit of energy overnight in generating thermal energy.

There is a lot more in Ferris' book. It is worth the read.

Coffee in Sainsburys - never again

2011-02-20T07:08:00.001Z

The new Sainsbury's in Colchester isn't exactly the best place to stop for a pizza. I'd paid extra for mushroom topping on this and I couldn't believe how stingy they were. Ridiculous. They might as well not have bothered. The pepperoni had about as much bite as a sloppy kiss and that must have been the most expensive mushroom I've ever bought.

This is the state of the coffee. I can't remember whether it was a branded coffee station or not, but I'm damn sure that a late isn't supposed to have sludge like this at the bottom. When I took a look at this and thought that I just drank whatever crap was in this cup ... I wasn't a happy bunny.

The long story short is that this is where mass stores like this are taking us. Passion for the product goes out the window in favour of pile it high and sell it cheap. Or in the case of this place, not so cheap. Pathetic. I really regret watching, "Idiocracy," because it really does seem like that's where we're heading.

It's possible with people

2011-02-18T16:58:00.002Z

You know, when I take peoples computers apart, I never really give two thoughts about it. When I saw Emiah (my Escort) up on the ramps without her engine, though, it gave me a shock.

On the floor, the new, second hand, engine to go inside her.

Those are the feet of Ash, the bloke in Colchester who, along with a few other people, changed the engine out.

Somehow, when you see parts of your car resting against walls and sitting outside on the floor, your heart sort of ... sinks, because you KNOW that somehow, once all this is bolted back together ... there are going to be screws left over.

It then came the turn of Kat Maul and THE Loopy Lemur to take Emiah to the Blue Lemur works and do both her outer sills, (repairing the inner sills as missing bits of metal were found to be ... um ... missing) the cat, one of the hub carriers, the body work and, um, all sorts of other stuff. I lost track and all I could do was make the tea.

This is Kat Maul doing what she loves best ... hitting things with hammers. In this case, a piece of metal to connect the right hand wing with somewhere on the main body.

As Escorts are famous rust buckets, some of the metal work had to be taken back to ... um .. air ... and then filled. Trust me, after it was sanded down and spray painted, it looks cool! Well, cool enough to get us through an MOT and a lot cooler than the jaggedy rust colour that it was before.

Plus the big gap on the right had to be filled after some stupid bint in a Binny (BMW mini, not an Austin mini) pulled off being parked on double yellow lines and decided to take a good chunk of the rust away.

So, all in all, a massive amount of work has been done on the Escort, in cold, winter conditions, to get her through the MOT and hopefully more reliable. There is yet more work scheduled to be done in the summer, like replacing the wheel arches with new panels and re-doing some of the paint work and stuff.

With luck, Emiah will be kept out of the great scrap heap in the sky, for some years to come. It's a shame that my defibrillator won't work on her. Ah well.

It is at times like this that friends really are worth their weight in gold. There was no way I could afford to get myself in debt for another car. The house has just leached everything from me since we moved in. When people thank me for nipping round and sorting their computers out, it is one thing. When people get mucky, messy and work bloody hard in the wind, rain and all the rest of it ... the words, "thank you," just don't seem enough; but they're all I've got. So ... Kat, Lemur ... Thank You.

Party at Kat's place ... when the credit card trips over :-)

And if we needed an extra hoof, we asked the neighbouring Lamas. I ain't kidding; these guys know how to weld.

4 hours in a day

2011-02-05T07:41:00.012Z

I've been reading "The 4 Hour Body" by Tim Ferris. To be honest, this book is aimed at the people who want to make a big difference; and fast. To someone like me, it doesn't offer very much that is new. What it does offer, however, is something which has been missing from the informational market place for some time; proof and validation of techniques. That is important.

You see, I've been eating healthily for a while, but my weight hasn't shifted. Fish once a week, a good range of veg, quality meat, that sort of thing. I was certain that there had to be a way of losing that weight without spending a fortune I no longer had (thanks a lot, ConDems) on gym sessions and still enjoying the odd treat. (some on my colleagues in work make gorgeous cakes; you'd have to be a well trained monk to resist them.) This book appears to be the missing link. The proof of the pudding will be ... ahem ... in the eating.

Having only been doing this adjusted, "diet," for a few days now, I've decided to document one day. In fact, the only thing which is concerning me is that the immediate reaction of my body is a touch of insomnia. This morning, I got up at 6am! I had been awake-ish since 4am; almost unheard of for me as I'm normally a solid sleeper.

When storms hit Calella in Spain in the 80's, picking up cars and choking the area with silt from the mountains, yours truly slept right through it. (now, I'm in bed at about midnight and up at 6am; things have settled to that pattern, which means extra time awake to do things. It took a while, though.)

The first golden rule which Tim has proven, if by no other means than his account of his father, is that breakfast should be eaten within an hour of getting up. For the slow-carb diet this also means getting off the cereals and toast; they'll do more harm than good. This morning I was standing at the hob by 6:15 and I'd had a cooked breakfast by 6:30am. Ouch.

WARNING - if you're going to act on any of my experiences, then consult your GP first; my experiences are personal to me and my body. Yours may be different, or things like allergies or other medical conditions could affect you differently.

Breakfast consisted of about a table spoon of oil in a frying pan. Two rashers of good bacon, de-rinded, cut with a scissors. The small pieces of bacon cooked quickly. Then I added the eggs; two eggs beaten with a splash of milk and a touch of cinnamon. (Tim's book has more details on the cinnamon types) I didn't need to add salt or butter because I already had an oil/fat mix and some salt in the pan as a result of the bacon. Cooked in five minutes and dishes in the sink in ten. If this mornings protein injection delivers the goods, then it is worth spending that little extra time to do that rather than have cereals or toast.

Good bacon - ie. some decent stuff from the butcher rather than that supermarket crap that is loaded with salt water.

The cinnamon, like fresh lemon juice, blunts the Glycemic Index of foods. Most useful when eating high GI foods like rice, white bread or potatoes.

(alternative breakfasts will be a tin of baked beans with a teaspoon of cinnamon, or the porridge mixture I eat; I won't go as far as Tim's extreme bean mixtures)

The protein thing was also reported recently by BBC's program, 10 things you need to know about losing weight. Protein is a way of damping down the chemical reaction that tells the brain that it is hungry. We'll see if I last from 6:30am to 1:30pm without feeling that I need something serious to eat.

To me, this is not new news. Working on the trucks, we'd have to be up early, typically get a good cooked breakfast inside us and be in our vehicles and out of the yard while other people were still molesting their alarm clocks. Doing the active loading and unloading, (known as, "handball") was a good bit of exercise. So long as I wasn't sitting behind the wheel on long hauls, I seemed fine. Tim's book effectively validates the morning fry up for those who are doing active jobs; (not the long haul runs where you're just sitting behind the wheel).

Nibbles have so far consisted of bananas, oranges and apples. Unfortunately, these are high in natural sugars; fructose, something to be avoided. Bananas are high in potassium and oranges are good for vitamin C, so I'm not killing these from my diet, but I'm replacing some of them with pears and seedless grapes. ('cause I hate the seeds) Today I'm going to work with an orange, some grapes and a banana.

Tim is also echoing the age old thing of taking on more water. It does have appetite suppressing benefits, but I've known people go overboard with this advice and water down their blood so much that they've ended up in hospital. However, there is a water cooler behind me so I'll take in my 1 litre water bottle and I'll make it a goal to fill and drink that in the day; but I won't chastise myself if my body didn't feel like drinking the whole lot.

I've wanted to switch from regular tea to green tea, but the Japanese tea I drink is quite expensive and Twinings confirmed to me that their green tea comes from a variety of sources, including India, so I won't be switching to their cheaper green tea any time soon.

Sandwiches are being replaced on occasion by soup, with no accompanying bread and butter. This helps cut down on the large amount of bread I was eating, but I get a good, hot meal out of it. Fortunately, there is a microwave at work, so I can do this.

The biggest change is at dinner time, quaffing the juice of a fresh lemon. The quandary is how to drink it without putting any sugar in it, because you're relying on the acid to do its stuff in your stomach. (same as the cinnamon effects for breakfast) It also presents a greater quandary for me because acid leaches calcium (the body uses calcium to neutralise the acid) and one of the things I'm suffering from is osteoporosis. However, it is reportedly great at blunting the GI of things like potatoes, rice, etc. which is one of the staples at our evening meals.

The lemon juice doesn't taste too bad if you down it in one. Sipping it is a lot worse. Drink it after the meal.

At an earlier chat with my GP, we talked about tomatoes. The lipids are great for the heart, but they are acidic and also leach calcium. You can't win, even with healthy foods. However, my run on sweet, sugary drinks has all but come to an end (but I still have coke with my Rum when friends visit, and I'm not adverse to downing a can of something if I feel I need the sugar, but these instances are becoming very rare.) so for the period that it takes to make a dent in my weight, I'm downing extra calcium supplements. Thereafter, the lemon trick will be reserved for large meals only where I'll be socially expected to heat a hearty meal.

A few other changes were made. Firstly, the 12" plates were swapped for 10"; an old but effective mental appetite trick; a way of eating less but feeling like you've eaten a full meal. Also, eating fast is apparently doing me no favours. It is hard, but I'm starting to slow down the rate at which I eat food. There is evidence to support this but I'll leave that to Tim's book.

Exercise is the final piece of the puzzle, but that will come later; I'm still working on validating what Tim has written. The results of a couple of weeks on this food style this will also come at the same time; I'm keeping my figures...

The other thing that Tim espouses is measurement; but measure the right things; because if you transfer body fat to muscle then a simple weighing scale measurement will fool you. Your diet could be working brilliantly, but because muscle is more dense than fat, you won't see the weight number go down and that can demoralise you to the degree where you give up.

Well, I'd already been on this particular jaunt so I have some basic gear. I'll be replacing the bathroom scales with an electronic version that is easier to read, but I already had a measuring tape by my side in the home office, and a small blood pressure monitor (with an arm cuff, not a wrist monitor) so I'm good to go without much cash outlay.

I had to replace the scales with a more accurate electronic version; (one decimal place; but they're a bugger to turn on!) indeed I had a shock when, early in the morning, I was weighed at 91.9 kilos. I couldn't believe it, so I got a couple of 5kg dumbbells to check it and, sure enough, it was bang on. So if you run an electronic scales, check it now and then with a heavy, known weight and if it is off, change the battery. Also, we gain and loose a few kilos every day, so always weigh at the same time.

As I'm a programmer, I created a small web based program to enter my details. Fortunately for me, I don't spend much time on the road these days and even if I was, a measuring tape doesn't take up any space in a hand bag. The blood pressure monitor won't take up much of my overnight bag, so I should be able to keep good records. A good number of people I know have weighing scales in their homes but it won't be sensible to use them; relativity is more important than accuracy to zero, so if you can't carry the same set of scales with you, don't bother, it could actually throw your data out.

The only really awkward thing is measuring yourself. I've been doing the measurements for a couple of days already, but I ditched them because of lack of practice. Now, I'm getting a bit better. Weight, upper arms, naval, hips and upper legs in the morning, along with blood pressure and heart rate at rest at both morning and evening.

Blood pressure is a means of applying pressure to your arm and listening to the blood flow. It is gauging the ability of the heart to pump sufficient blood around the body at sufficient pressure. Not enough blood to the body, or too much, and the body starts to malfunction.

For example, your brain needs a certain amount of blood so your heart has to be strong enough to get enough blood up there. However, if it is pumping too strongly, then too much blood gets pumped around, too fast. There is an ideal pumping rate and an ideal pressure flow, for the blood.

The systolic is the point at which the heart is able to overcome the restriction that the cuff puts on the arm. Too low a number the heart isn't operating efficiently. Too powerful means the heart is under stress; it is working itself silly and you need to calm it down. This is where the 120mmHg comes from as a nice, regular figure.

Diastolic is the point where the pounding of the blood pressure is too low to be heard; if the cuff pressure is still quite high when it looses the sound of the pumping, then that indicates the heart isn't putting very much pressure behind its pumping action. This is where the 80mmHg comes from. A healthy heart will be able to put a reasonable amount of pressure behind pumping the blood around.

As I stopped the gym work when I found out I had a partial prolapse, I've lost fitness and I'm up in the low hypertensive bracket again. The question is, how much exercise will it take to get me down again. Time will tell on that score, but Tim is suggesting it will take a lot less than previously thought.

Just as you can measure the strength of an arm or leg muscle in terms of weight, mass or endurance performance, blood pressure and heart rate readings are the mechanisms of measuring your heart muscle; and like all muscles, if you don't use it, you'll lose it. Exercising your heart is important.

As a little extra, Kat Maul happened to mention as to how I knew the weighing scales were accurate at the higher end of the weight spectrum. That was also tested; first by weighing myself and then re-weighing myself holding the two 5kg dumbbells. The scales accurately added 10kg on to the weight. Proof positive; I can trust the scales.

Forest Land Consultation

2011-01-30T08:51:00.000Z

No doubt you've heard by now of the plan to farm out the management of publicly owned land. The consultation is here but the on-line forms are biased to how to go about doing it, rather than addressing the question over whether it should be done in the first place.

This is what I sent in to publicconsultation@forestry.gsi.gov.uk ...

Dear Sir/Madam,

Having battled my way through the on line response form, I find that it is biased towards progressing with the idea rather than discussing the idea itself. Hence I am writing this letter.

The country is facing a number of problems. Financial and potentially one of food production.

Firstly, there is the issue of management. Any third party whether commercial or charity, will need the aim of turning a profit; otherwise their organisations would not survive. For government to turn this opportunity to other bodies while overlooking the opportunity for such profit to come in to the public purse, simply serves to highlight the inability of the government to control and manage such a resource.

Secondly, the major issue of food production. To turn category one land over to development will lock that land away from food production. With imported food prices rising, the government needs land on which we can grow food or graze animals. The inability to feed its population will inevitably lead to riots.

Pulling up trees which can be used for fuel and fertiliser and then plough the land for food production is one thing. To turn up concrete which has to be dumped somewhere and then try and plough the land, is another.

Of concern to me are the developing countries demands for more complex food sources; driving up demand and prices. The growing population of America having demand on its own food sources leaving less for them to export. The transport issue has not been solved so importing foodstufs from the US will cost more as oil prices continue to rise; the trans atlantic air ships are still not with us yet.

To turn land over for other agencies to make a profit shows an inability for government to properly manage our assets. Turning land over to development when the world food supply is in its current state is irresponsible.

Yours sincerely,

Well, Foc-accia me!

2011-01-29T17:47:00.000Z

Focaccia bread.Nothing special, but some restaurants are charging as much as £7 for some of this bread.

It is another one from Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall's book, "River Cottage Everyday."

It isn't anything serious, just some white flour, sea salt, fast action yeast and rapeseed or olive oil. To finish it, you can add more salt and some finely chopped rosemary.

It doesn't need one of those complex bread making thingies either. Just a baking tin, a bowl and some elbow grease. I'll leave it to the book to give you the precise recipe, but the smell wafted through the house as Mum pulled it out of the oven and we had some before I could even take the picture!

Gorgeous.

River Cottage Everyday

2011-01-21T20:37:00.002Z

Mum's got this Hugh Fearnley-Whitting-persons book. "River Cottage Everyday." Its got some very nice recipes in it.

Our first foray (or rather, Mum's first recipe; she did the cooking) was the honey and peanut booster bars.

The recipe had a bit of a hammering because I don't like fruit and Mum is lactose intolerant; so the fruit got replaced with more seeds and oats, and the butter had to be replaced with Mum's margarine.

The result would likely have set better with the butter, hence we got sixteen squares rather than bars, but it tastes gorgeous. There was also difficulty in weighing the honey and peanut butter; experience will translate the weights in to getting the feel with the tablespoon.

The added thing here is that the nuts give a good protein boost while the oats help fill the stomach. These are great as a snack; much better than those bars that I used to buy when I was in a hurry.

The downside to this is that because of the cost of the seeds, you need to be making many of these to get the cost back. You also need to eat plenty of them as well, or have a large family, because I can't see these lasting a week.

Mind you, with the taste of this first batch, I have to admit that these are unlikely to make it beyond a few days ... but that is another story. Great book; worth grabbing hold of.

That time of year again

2011-01-15T15:20:00.002Z

It is that time of year for me. The car insurance, contents insurance, MOT, etc. all land on the doorstep at the same time. I shopped around for my car insurance and chopped it down from £298 to £220 for the same deal. The car insurance moved from The Post Office to Yes Insurance.

My contents insurance is with Direct Line, but calling them and politely saying I wasn't happy with the renewal figure, resulted in £35 off the renewal!

When it came to insurance comparison web sites, Compare The Market was around £10 to £20 cheaper than Go Compare. Go figure!

Going with "Compare The Market" resulted in more savings than calling the companies for a direct quote. Direct Line, despite having no middlemen, just couldn't match the competition. Even with a 10% discount, (because my contents insurance is with them) their car insurance was more expensive than Marks and Spencer!!!

It was straightforward to compare meerkats to get the initial quotation and then telephone Yes to discuss the quote and iron out the specialist details, like needing to carry oxygen if I become a Community First Responder. That way, the discount applies, which wouldn't be the case if I called Yes directly for the quote.

Hi-Q for the Hi-Jump

2010-12-28T07:43:00.001Z

For some years now, I've used Hi-Q in Burgess Hill for my tires. They've usually been great, but an incident happened earlier on this month which really showed me their true colours.

This is what I sent to Hi-Q head office ... it is a bit stunted because their feedback form was a bit stingy with the character allowance, but it gets over the main point. The real telling factor was that no one from head office actually had the guts to come back to me.

In future, on the recommendation of friends who know what they're talking about (KatMaul, take a bow) my next tyres will be bought from Black Circles where you can choose your tyres and then choose your garage to fit them.

Anyway, here's what I sent Hi-Q...

I don't know what happened to Hi-Q in Burgess Hill today. For some time I've come in, not knowing a lot about tyres, asked for something middle of the range, talk brands and prices and ended up with a reasonable set of Good Year, Pirelli, etc, but this time was a disaster.

The technician read my car tyre size and then said, "Oh, we ain't got any for you." I'd booked the appointment weeks earlier, so I was more than a bit upset.

Someone said, "we've got eight. They came in without paperwork so we couldn't put them on the computer." So things settled down and the job carried on. I still hadn't had the discussion on what tyre and price. I went on trust and left them to it.

Once finished, the price was reasonable. On going out and inspecting, I found they were a type I'd never heard of before. Intensa Sava. "Oh, don't worry. They're Goodyear."

Well, I still remember the technician said that the stock in the back wasn't on the computer because they didn't come with any paperwork. That was suss from the start, so urgent research on these tyres was called for.

The company is in Slovenia and apparently has a reputation that is far from satisfactory. Many people are complaining about the poor performance in the wet. They're an economy tyre, certainly not middle of the range. The only thing they've got in common with Goodyear is that Goodyear bought the company.

I recounted this experience to a friend of mine, who said that there are companies that don't really care. They'll sell you what they've got.

Thinking back on my previous visits to Hi-Q, I thought I was placing myself in the hands of experts who knew the latest tyre technologies. With hindsight, and this experience, I think my friend was right ... the switching between brands ... I've simply been sold whatever you've had in stock and wanted to sell.

I feel badly betrayed.

This visit has cut me to the core. I'll never set foot in Hi-Q again. I am disgusted and upset with what has happened. I'll be changing them somewhere else and cursing the name of Hi-Q for years to come.

I feel like I've been ripped off ... not financially, because these tyres seem to be worth the next to nothing I paid anyway ... but morally I feel like I've been put through the wringer.

I love it when a film comes together

2010-12-18T12:19:00.001Z

Well, this film came together. I only rate it a four out of five because of the way it has been stitched together. It doesn't flow the way it feels like it should.

Fans of the A-Team will likely see this film in favour. The characterisations aren't as close to the originals as they could be, but once you settle down and watch it the characters do grow on you. Heck even Dwight Shultz (the original Howling Mad Murdock from the TV series) managed to make it in to the film as a German doctor. Dirk Benedict was also in there playing Pensacola Prisoner Milt but I didn't see Mr T in the credits. Unfortunately George Peppard passed on some fifteen years ago.

There is plenty of action and a few twists and turns. Some modern spy film manoeuvres make it in to some of the quieter scenes and it has been brought up to date. Certainly a watchable film which, by the finish, you've probably put all prejudice of the TV series behind you. It is a shame that the pacing doesn't quite do justice to the final scenes.

I won't spoil it for you other than to say that the TV series always said that they were tried for a crime that they didn't commit. This film is the detail of that crime. I'll just close it saying that it gets a four out of five.

Good show.

30 Years and Beyond

2010-12-15T20:07:00.000Z

If you ever happen to spot this on DVD somewhere please let me know. Of the very few VHS tapes that I've got that I still can't get on DVD, this is one of those hardy souls which is cocking a snook at me.

Most of the rest of the special VHS set are episodes which I've got on my Amazon wish list, for the slimline sets, so those will come ... in time.

This one, however, is elusive.

First Aid, Chopper Reid style.

2010-12-15T07:13:00.000Z

As a first aider, you're taught some key acronyms. Dr ABC. AVPU, AMPLE. You're also taught how to deal with choking people, as I detailed last time.

Well, there are some people out there with their own interpretations of first aid and one of them is Mark Chopper Reid...

St John isn't your average Christmas Saint.

2010-12-09T20:57:00.000Z

St. John's Ambulance, I'm talking about, of course. December is that time of year when I have to renew my first aid qualification. Although it isn't all that arduous, I still get nervous come the examinations, because I usually don't get to use these skills throughout the year. There isn't much call for first aid in a well run office.

In the UK, every employer above a certain size needs a certain number of first aid trained personnel for every so many employees. More info on that here.

What this means is that if you're interested in becoming qualified yourself, then your employer might consider paying for you to go on one of these courses. You'll also need to make sure you've got the right health and safety reviews at work and that there is adequate first aid equipment and reporting abilities in the work place.

There is no telling when you might need your first aid skills. It is useful knowledge to have. First aid is literally that, it is the first level of aid that a person receives until fully trained medical personnel get to see the injured party.

I was conscious that I like to go out walking and it would only take a trip or slip and I could be seeing sprains, strains or at the worst, broken bones. Even our relatively tame country side has to be treated with respect. Knowing I could cope in an emergency takes some of the worry from the mind.

There is another bonus as being a part of St. Johns. If you're carrying an in date qualification, then you're automatically insured for up to £10 million public liability, world wide.

Apparently, qualified first aiders were walking away from situations in public where someone needed help because they were scared of being sued. St. John's decided to do this in order to help give people the confidence to use their skills to help people.

Of course, this liability doesn't apply if you're doing these duties as part of an organisation, so at work I'd have to be covered by my employers public liability and if I was accompanying a school trip, for example, I'd have to be covered by the schools insurance. This is simply to cover you doing the good samaritan bit.

There is also the chance that this qualification might enable me to be a lone Community First Responder, but more on that later.

You can find out more on St John Ambulance here.

Dr Dolittle for your motor.

2010-12-08T17:06:00.001Z

This is it. Dr Doolittle for your motor car.

The device itself is a blue box with various different modules.April has a few Ford machines, so she lent this one to KatMaul so that we could diagnose my little Escort Emiah.

There is a socket in most modern cars to which one of these diagnostic devices can be plugged in to. It is a useful little thing, to put it mildly.

The long story short is that the Engine Management Unit (EMU) is responsible for various events that happen in the engine. To do this, it takes readings from various sensors in the car. If one of them is faulty, the EMU can't do its job properly and the car doesn't run right.

In this case, KatMaul sat in the passenger seat, tapping away at the buttons (because my diagnostic plug hole is in the passenger foot well) and directed me as to what to do.

It turns out that it complained about the throttle pot. Yeh, that's what I said too.

Don't laugh. April found just the thing on flea bay and before I knew it, I had a fresh throttle pot landing on the door step. Apparently, it is a resistance, "pot," which tells the EMU how hard my foot is down on the, "throttle." Hence throttle pot. All straight forward when you've got a KatMaul explaining things.

Then it was down to me to fit it. Well, sort of, as Kat took over part way through when things got a bit messy, because patten parts don't always have the same twists and turns as the genuine article. Ah well. At least I can say I got my hands dirty.

Now there's only the sills to replace, the radio has decided to die, one of the rear wheel bearings is groaning loudly...

The final word?

2010-12-06T10:41:00.015Z

I've read countless adverts asking me if I want to drop extortionate amounts of weight with just one secret... but there is a cash catch and I'm not going to fall for that. They need a bigger hook.

And along came that hook...

The process wasn't punishing. It wasn't hard. Tiny changes were all it took. Tiny changes that, while small in isolation, produced enormous changes when used in combination.

Want to extend the fat-burning half-life of caffeine? Naringenin, a useful little molecule in grapefruit juice, does just the trick.

Need to increase insulin sensitivity before bingeing once per week? Just add some cinnamon to your pastries on Saturday morning, and you can get the job done.

Want to blunt your blood glucose for 60 minutes while you eat a high-carb meal guilt-free? There are a half-dozen options.

But 2% bodyfat in two weeks? How can that be possible if many general practitioners claim that it's impossible to lose more than two pounds of fat per week? Here's the sad truth: most of the one-size-fits-all rules, this being one example, haven't been field-tested for exceptions.

You can't change your muscle fiber type? Sure you can. Genetics be damned.

Calories in and calories out? It's incomplete at best. I've lost fat while grossly overfeeding. Cheesecake be praised.

The list goes on and on.

It's obvious that the rules require some rewriting.

That's what this book is for.

OK, for seven quid, from Amazon, I'm up for this. So if you don't want to risk either your money or your health, just sit back and relax 'cause I'm totally up for this and I'll be reporting on the paperback in due course once it gets released in February.

Of course, if you know me, you'll be aware that I'm not about to load myself full of chemicals (natural or otherwise) simply so that I can put my face in a massive cream pie and go, "Yum, yum, yum..." although the image is, indeed, tempting.

I'm hoping to walk away from this book with a better understanding of what I'm shovelling in to my face and, lets face it, despite increasing my fish and fresh veg intake, dropping the meat input, being conscious of where my food comes from plus loads of walking, I still can't shake this fifteen stone carcass of mine. If I can find a tip here and there to help this stuff come off slowly and also increase my strength just a little so that I'm not having to struggle to get the top off a jar of whatever, then I'll be happy.

I'm aware that long distance runners end up shooting their knee joints by the time they reach old age and I don't want that to be me, so I won't be binging, but when a production contains things like...
"RULE #3. PLEASE BE SKEPTICAL.
Don't assume something is true because I say it is."

..it's got to be worth a punt because as it also says...

"RULE #4. DON'T USE SKEPTICISM AS AN EXCUSE FOR INACTION.
As the good Dr. Noakes also said to me about one Olympic training regimen: "This [approach] could be totally wrong, but it's a hypothesis worth disproving."

...and I'm up for that.

Wicca and the solitary practitioner

2010-12-04T09:04:00.000Z

I was actually surprised to find that this book is published in America. For those interested, it is on Amazon here.

Scott Cunningham's preface, however, spoke volumes for his honesty in his approach to, and representation of, religion. Not only Wicca but what he has written is what I believe every religion should be saying of itself. It is for that reason, the strength of his preface, that I've included the two and a bit pages here. Read this first, and then I'll explain.

This book, the result of sixteen years of practical experience and research, is a guidebook outlining basic Wiccan theory and practice. It is written with the solitary student or practitioner in mind; there are no coven rituals or magical group dynamics described herein.

The Wicca as described here is "new." It is not a revelation of ancient rituals handed down for thousands of years. This does not invalidate it, however, for it is based on time-honoured practices.

A three-thousand year old incantation to Inanna isn't necessarily more powerful or effective tan one improvised during a private rite. The person practising the ritual or spell determines its success.

If centuries-old incantations are nothing more to you than senseless gibberish, chances are the ritual won't work, any more than would a Shinto ceremony in the hands of a Methodist. To be effective, rituals myst speak to you.

Rituals are at the heart of Wicca for some, and are pleasant adjuncts to Wicca's philosophy and way of life for others. In Wicca, as with every religion, ritual is a means of contacting the Divine. Effective ritual unites the worshipper with Deity. Ineffective ritual kills spirituality.

There are rituals in this book, yes, but they're guideposts, not holy writ. I wrote them so that others, using them as general guidelines, could create their own.

Some people might say, "But that's just your stuff. We want the real Wicca! Tell us the secrets!

There is not, and can never be, one "pure" or "true" or "genuine" form of Wicca. There are no central governing agencies, no physical leaders, no universally-recognised prophets or messengers. Although specific, structured forms of Wicca certainly exist, they aren't in agreement regarding ritual, symbolism and theology. Because of this healthy individualism, no one ritual or philosophical system has emerged to consume the others.

Wicca is varied and multi-faceted. As in every religion, the Wiccan spiritual experience is one shared with Deity alone. This book is simply one way, based on my experiences and the instruction I have received, to practice Wicca.

Although I write it, it didn't hatch out of thin air. The jeweler who faces rough emeralds didn't create the gemstones; nor the potter the clay. I've tried to present a blending of the major themes and ritual structure of Wicca, not to create a new form, but to present one so that others can develop their own Wiccan practices.

When I began learning Wicca, there were few books, certainly no published Books of Shadows. Wiccan rituals and magical texts are secret within many traditions of Wicca, and it wasn't until recently that any systems have "gone public." Due to this fact, few Wiccans wrote books describing the rituals and inner teachings of Wicca. Those outside the Wicca (or the Craft as it is also known) who wrote of it could necessarily report only garbled or incomplete pictures.

Within a few years of my introduction to Wicca, however, many authentic, informative books began to be published. As I continued my studies, both independently and under teachers I had met, I realised that anyone trying to learn and practice Wicca solely from published sources would gain a sadly unbalanced picture.

Most Wiccan authors tout their own form of Wicca. This makes sense: write what you know. Unfortunately, many of the foremost Wiccan authors share similar views, and so most of the published Wiccan material is repetitive.

Also, most of these books are geared toward coven (group)-orientated Wicca. This poses a problem for anyone unable to find a minimum of four or five interested, compatible persons to create a coven. It also lays a burden on those who desire private religious practice.

Perhaps my true reason for writing this book - besides numerous requests - is strictly personal. I not only wish to present an alternate to staid, structured Wiccan books, I also want to return something for the training I have received in this contemporary religion.

Although I occasionally teach, and Wicca always draws a crowd, I prefer the medium of printed words to point out some of the things I have learned. Although nothing can replace one-on-one teaching, this isn't practical for all those desiring to learn.

And so, several years ago, I began jotting down notes and chapters that eventually became this book To avoid becoming too narrow minded (Sybil Leek once said that it was dangerous writing about your own religion - you're too close to it), I've had Wiccan friends read and comment on early drafts to ensure that the picture of Wicca presented here isn't too limited or dogmatic.

Please don't misunderstand me. Though this book's goal is a wider understanding of, and appreciation of Wicca, I'm not proselytizing. Like most Wiccans, I'm not out to change your spiritual and religious beliefs; it's none of my business.

However with the continuing interest in non-traditional religions, concern over environmental destruction and a wide interest in the Wiccan religion, I hope this book partially answers one of the questions I'm most commonly asked:

"What is Wicca?"

If ever there were words which describe religion as a way of life, then for me, these are them. In starting this particular work, I was of the impression I was starting to read something which was as aged as time itself. No such luck. This religion is not yet a century.

If there is any writing which openly demonstrates that religion should not be the basis for law and should not be taken in preference for law, then this is the strongest example I have read. The openness with which Cunningham has acknowledged that a religion is a personal choice has to be greatly applauded.

The other part of this which intrigues me greatly is as Cunningham writes, "A three-thousand year old incantation to Inanna isn't necessarily more powerful or effective tan one improvised during a private rite. The person practising the ritual or spell determines its success." which interests me greatly.

I believe that the human species is capable of more than we give it credit for. That which does happen and can not readily be explained, is quickly attributed to a deity before we have properly looked in to the alternative.

A person who is ill in hospital and has lost the will to live, will inevitably die despite all the treatment given. We acknowledge this as a natural event which is born from that persons giving up on their desire to live and although we have no physical explanation for it, we nevertheless accept it.

To reverse this situation, there are examples of people with a great zest for living who have recovered from cancer and instead of attributing this to the power that the human mind has over the progress and composition of the body, the events are instead attributed to a miracle ... as if that explained anything either!

Cunningham's writing on this subject leads me to conclude that his belief is that the success of a incantation will come from the mind and heart of the person performing it, rather than the rite itself. This is the kind of logic and admission that speaks to me.

In history, magic and recipes made from various ingredients were not understood. Today we know why certain herbs and plant have the properties and effects on human body chemistry that they do, but the people of some time ago would not have known this and it is lack of understanding which can make these things seem like wonderment. Those wielding this knowledge would then have considerable power and respect within the community.

Now, however, even basic knowledge about medicines have become more common and this could have played a part in the downgrading of the general practitioners status in our communities. The average person now has an understanding about the basis of general practice and *POOF* the mystique is gone.

The last thing I have to say before losing myself in this book is that here is a proof that religions come and religions go. They are not set in stone and are unlikely to last for the entire history of the human race. Even more reason for the separation between church and state.

Escort the snow car

2010-12-02T07:11:00.002Z

To the tune of "Frosty The Snow Man"

Escort the snow car,
You're no damn use to me.
With your wheels stuck tight,
It snowed last night
And your roof I can not see.

Escort the snow car,
Your doors are iced up tight.
I can't get in,
So stop that grin.
I won't get home tonight.

I wonder why the government,
Won't let us run stud tyres.
Did they get cheap on the surface and,
Consign us to skid life.

*CRASH*

Oh, Escort the snow car,
Just why will you not go?
I turn the key,
But you cough at me.
I hate this stupid snow.

A Dark Day For The United Nations

2010-11-29T07:44:00.001Z

Extra Judicial Killings and Justice. Defined on Wikipedia as, "punishment by the state or some other official authority without the permission of a court or legal authority. The existence of extrajudicial punishment is considered proof that some governments will break their own legal code if deemed necessary."

If this report on the BBC is true then the last two paragraphs read...

Meanwhile, another high-profile global institution, the United Nations, has recently voted to take an unequivocally backward step. Every two years it draws up and passes a resolution calling for states to eliminate extra-judicial killings motivated by race, nationality, ethnicity, religion, language or other identifying characteristics.

In the past, sexual orientation has been on that list. This year, the phrase was dropped. An amendment to that effect was passed by 79 votes to 70. It was proposed by Benin, the chair of the African group of nations, supported by Morocco on behalf of the Islamic conference . The nature of change is not always in the direction of progress.

You would expect something like this in the Middle East, but for the United Nations to effectively sanction being killed simply because of your sexual orientation (by dint of ceasing their position that it should be banned) is an outrage. It is against all right and freedom.

I've sent correspondence to the United Nations. We'll see what comes back.

A letter to my MP

2010-11-22T08:42:00.000Z

Some while ago I sent a letter to my MP. His response led me to believe that I had been written off as a religious nut job. Panorama will, tonight, air a programme on how the Saudi government is sponsoring extremist islamic teaching in the UK.

If you think, as I do, that this should be stopped, then send a similar letter to your own MP, also citing the fact that Dispatches ran a follow up investigation in September 2008 to their original 18 months before THAT showing that extremist teachings of adults were taking place, also sponsored by the Saudi government.

The UK should not be a home for extremism. It should be a land of peace and harmony for all.

----

Dear Mr Soames,

Panorama will tonight air a program showing the deplorable extremist Islamic
teachings of our children in our schools, which is being funded by the Saudi government.

Some while ago I brought to your attention the report of Saudi extremist
teaching in the most influential mosque in Britain - that report was by
Dispatches in September 2008 and was the re-visitation of an initial
investigation performed 18 months before THAT.

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/dispatches/episode-
guide/series-24/episode-1

Short link - http://bit.ly/a8dpMQ

Will you now PLEASE take some action against the Saudi influenced extremist
teachings in our country ... because Labour did NOTHING.

Yours, in desperation for the soul of our country,

Miss Michelle Knight

An NHS allowance

2010-11-19T08:32:00.000Z

I posted this on the Labour forum ten days ago. So far, no one has commented. Let's see what the wider world think...

Some time ago, there was a pot of money put aside for me which would fund four years of my higher education. Money put there for me by the state.

Here's the question ... why can't we do that with the NHS? Put a set amount of money aside for each individual so that they can use it on NHS services for whatever they want ... possibly cosmetic surgery, or they may put it towards regular medicine bills or perhaps save it for their old age.

This is where I'm coming from. I'm transsexual. I've received vaginoplasty, rhinoplasty and breast enhancement all at the cost of the NHS.

Before that time, I was a mental wreck barely able to hold down a job; and I did a fair few jobs in that time. I didn't achieve anything in society, needed regular counselling and spent a good while on benefit.

After surgery I recovered from the procedures. Within a few months I was starting to stand on my own two feet intellectually and financially. I stopped needing mental support services. My situation stabilised and I now own a mortgage and have been in a local government job for what must now be six years; the longest I've ever held a job. I pay my taxes. I'm a volunteer representative in my union branch. I'm a trained first aider and have just put myself forward as the first volunteer to start Community First Responder in my village. And there is yet more that I'm doing.

So on the face of it, if you simply make the distinction of surgery which is purely medically driven and which is cosmetic, then the line will keep people like myself on the wrong side of it and the long term cost to society will be far, far greater than the cost of the cosmetics involved. If someone has a self image problem that is holding them back, then who is to say what financial benefit will be reaped by spending a little money on a nip and a tuck ... so long as it does not go too far and the limited pot of money holds someone back.

But is there not a time or a place where mental health can be helped in an area where a medical professional is not actually the best person to judge? Just as people had a little pot of money to spend on their own path of education to better themselves, shouldn't they also have a little put of NHS money to spend on their own judgement of NHS services without, themselves, being judged?

It is easy to see a broken arm and apply a physical remedy. It is near darn impossible to see a broken heart and the only valid prescription has to be written by the patient themselves.

Horror Education - part 2

2010-11-14T14:45:00.001Z

So my education in to horror films continues with The Faculty. A monster horror, it has a not unreasonable amount of blood and gore in it and it is a host alien type of film.

There are a few plot screw ups which means that some things in the film glaringly don't add up but on the whole it was a good film that really got in to its stride towards the end.

Next up with be a step in to the slasher genre with a look at a classic, Black Christmas.

Some shops off the menu.

2010-10-29T19:29:00.002+01:00

Sainsburys, Harvester, Wetherspoon and Whitbread are off the menu. They were each contacted ten days ago.

Harvester didn't respond. That's them off the menu for a start.

Sainsbury and Whitbread came back to me the next day, very fast response. Wetherpoon sent a polite letter which reached me this evening. All three of them say the same thing, that their meat is, "halal approved."

I replied to Sainsbury and Whitbread the same day and asked them to clarify how meat can be both humanely slaughtered and still be halal approved. Reminder e-mails were sent a couple of days ago. They have not answered that question to date.

The same question is going to J.D.Wetherspoon as well but that'll take more time to come back.

My meat is now sourced from a local farm where the animals are either slaughtered at the farm or else shot by the gamekeeper. It is a bit more pricey but there is an obvious difference to the taste of the meat. It has actually helped me reduce my overall meat intake which will likely be a benefit to my health in the long run. I'll tell you one thing, though; the bacon is gorgeous. Not having the salt water content of the supermarket bacon, it crisps beautifully.

Exactly how I'll replace eating at any of the restaraunts when away from home is likely to be a challenge. In some of the towns I already know of local pubs that do good food that is reliably sourced, so I won't starve while away from home. Also, if I'm pushed then beef or pork should be a safe bet. Even turkey is halal approved, which came as a surprise.

This is the letter that is going back to Wetherspoon...

I can not see how meat served can be both halal approved and animals properly stunned. There has been report of chickens being stunned, but not to full legislative force in order to achieve some half way house between stunning the animal and paying lip service to halal requirements; a solution which doesn't even come close to a humane slaughter in my book.

Also, I object strongly to islamic verse being said over food which is destined for my plate. In fact, I object to my food being subject to any ritual from whatever means; it shows the ultimate disrespect for me as a customer.

If I wish meat that has been treated in jewish, islamic or any other ritual then I have the option to find butchers that deal in this kind of meat. To find that this choice has been removed from me shows nothing but contempt for my soul and this, I will not stand for.

I can not understand how meat can both be humanely killed and halal and this has not been explained by any of the small number of companies of which I am a regular customer. Indeed, when this specific question has been asked, they have fallen silent.

The foundation of a multi-religious society must pay due respect to all peoples concerned and this failing, in fact as far as I am concerned downright disrespect, means that I hope Wetherspoon will change its attitude.

Until there is a change of attitude, I will eat at Wetherspoon no more. In fact, as I am writing this, due to the massive failure of trust I don't think that my attitude will ever change again towards Wetherspoon. I am upset beyond belief to have my food treated in such a manner.

As for my MP, well, there hasn't been a response from him either, so he's off the menu as well!

David Cameron is nuts (IMHO)

2010-10-25T18:46:00.000+01:00

Cameron - "I want business to expand so it can employ the people that are going to be made unemployed when the public sector gets taken apart."

Business - "Great. We'll only do it if you let us bring in our work force from overseas."

What am I missing here?

They found one...

2010-10-22T18:11:00.000+01:00

...brain that is. That doesn't mean to say that it's connected to anything, though!

As part of hitting forty, my GP decided to run some standard tests. That test list was added to when I recounted that when I leave for work of a morning, I can think of something I have to do when I get there. After the fifteen minute journey is complete, I can't ... um ... what was I saying?

Some MRI scans were done and fortunately I don't have any tumours present. After further tests my memory problems are being put down to work related stress. But here are some of the images that the MRI took. Isn't nature incredible...

The supermarkets manage to betray everyone

2010-10-18T22:45:00.002+01:00

Four Dinners woke me up to something which I find abhorrent, namely that a good portion of the food I eat might have been slaughtered to islamic law and faith. This isn't a new thing however. April 2008 is when The Independent reported on the issue.

It seems that this is a matter of mass supply. Not being bought to appease muslim shoppers but rather because it is a convenience of purchase from the slaughter house. The logic is quite simple. Why have a separate production line to produce meat specifically for the muslim market which cares about its religious requirements, while it is easier to produce all the meat to that standard because the non-religious people don't care.

Well, that's their way of thinking about it. From what I've been reading so far, halal meat means that the animal has to be conscious when its throat is cut. I don't know about you, but I'm NOT O.K. with that. When it comes to chickens, apparently some of them are lightly stunned, well, I'm not OK with that either, and neither will a muslim because it is not halal.

Everyone is being short changed here in the name of profit. Well, maybe the moderate muslims are a bit in the middle and could be sort of OK with a mildly stunned chicken in your halal meat department, but if you're going to be like that about your religion, why the hell bother?

I've also been reading some of the comments on the Daily Mail web site that ran the story last month.

"As a Christian I find it deeply offensive to have had Islamic verses mumbled over my food."

"I've never liked the ritual way of killing - I don't believe it is humane."

"This whole thing boils down to freedom of information and freedom of choice. This meat should be clearly labelled so that consumers can choose whether or not to buy it and eat it. The companies won't label it because they know most decent people would boycott it."

"This is an outrage an absolute outrage. As a christian I wouldnt touch halal meat and now I find I may of eaten it and not told. I want to vomit. Why arent we being told, this is disgusting."

"Well done Daily Mail for giving me a nice handy list of places that will never see my custom again. I will and hope that thousands of others across the UK boycott these stores and fast food outlets that sell Halal."

Looks like pork and beef are safe, but New Zealand could be in for a hammering in its lamb department. Asda will probably also see people drop off the radar. If the zebu scandal didn't do enough damage to some of the restraunt groups, then this will likely finish the job.

I've only read one report on the taste difference of halal versus humanely slaughtered chicken from the same food chain, and they judged the halal killed chicken to be bland in taste. Not sure how much credibility can be put in that report, though. (although it would explain the taste on some supermarket meats!)

I've sent an e-mail to my MP. I've also e-mailed Sainsburys. We'll also see whether Channel 4 or the BBC respond to the e-mails I've sent them. For crying out loud, if the Daily Mail have got their research right (let's face it, they are known for stirring a few things up) then this is a massive issue and if any news agency pussy foots around it for fear of offending anyone ... well, that kind of behaviour is offensive in itself.

I'll keep you up to date with the responses I get.

On the wider issue, though, I did find "The Beach Lecture" from September 18th 2006 which took place in Newbold College, Bracknell. In reading it, I can only conclude that the extremist islamic faith is not compatible with the West. There are too many human rights issues that it has to overcome. Modern islam does seem to be breaking the shackles that have made islam as a whole such an unwholesome creature to Western eyes. Time will tell on that score. I do recommend reading The Beach Lecture, though. I believe it is a very well balanced piece of writing.

A last word on the food chain issue, though ... I really do think it is time to get angry.

Sainsburys Dual Nationality Pork

2010-10-16T20:43:00.001+01:00

Well, as most people know there has been a bit of a backlash in some sectors against Danish pork. It seems that Sainsburys have been getting around the wise shopper, by giving its pork dual nationality ... not only in the traditional style by taking Danish pork and packing it in the UK, but now by giving dual nationality to its produce. (You're looking at the green section in the pictured label.) Come on Sainsburys ... pull the other one, it goes, "Oink," with a Dutch accent.

Reclaiming Halloween?

2010-10-15T19:17:00.007+01:00

As I grow older, there are a few things which start to make my blood boil quicker than ever before. One of them is religious misrepresentation. The latest was seeing on local news, Bishop Kieran Conry of Arundel and Brighton, who should know better. He is part of a group trying to ... get this ... "reclaim," Halloween as a Christian festival. Samhain is a Gaelic/Celtic festival with ancient roots in Celtic polytheism celebrated in late medieval times. So what's all this, "reclaim," business?

Among the priest's complaints was the commercialism of the celebration. Well, if he really wants to go after commercialisation then why isn't he attacking Christmas? After all, all the evidence and general discussion points to Jesus being born in the Summer, not the Winter. This is even supported by Christian scholars. Why would Quirinius order a census to be taken in winter, the worst of all times to travel for anyone, least of all a pregnant woman in odds on below freezing temperatures? The bible records shepherds tending their sheep in the fields that night. Very unlikely to happen in a cold and likely wet Judean winter; they'd be tucked up warm in sheds. This and more make the whole concept of Jesus' birth on Dec 25th very doubtful. Therefore attacking the commercialisation of Christmas should be a hot subject on the Christian list.

I'm not a fan of gifts myself, after spending a number of Christmas times abroad or otherwise away from family, I have spent these times in peace, remembering people far away from me both in this world and to wherever they have travelled when they have left us. It should be a time for putting your arms around those who you love and giving of your heart, not your wallet.

But since when did sentimental stuff like that get in the way of a good sales pitch from all our retailers, eh?

This Bishop should think twice before making announcements like this. He shows himself in a very bad light and runs the risk of adding further fuel to the fire of Christian alienation in our society.

Why I Believe In The Union

2010-10-03T10:59:00.013+01:00

A Union can make a difference. Your view point is basically down to who you believe. Some good videos here.

Why Trade Unions?

What have the Unions done for us?

Obama's views on Unions in the USA

Just another cog in the machine

We Work Better Together

It's Going To Ruin Us - we've heard it all before.

There are still Trade Unions in Britain

The Warning Signs

A nice, light wine.

2010-10-02T20:42:00.000+01:00

Exclusive to Waitrose comes this Moscato Rosa 2009 from Brown Brothers. A wine from Victoria, Australia.

I liked it a lot. When chilled it has a light sparkle with a crisp, delicate touch of rose. Pleasant nose and trips down the throat. Almost too easy to drink ... that's why I've just bought a case of the stuff and delayed this post going out. :-)

Bottoms up!

I'm ashamed

2010-09-28T01:47:00.000+01:00

Ashamed of myself. That's all I can think of as I lie here.

This evening at the camera club, there was a medical emergency and I failed to act. The best I could do was get out of the building to marshal the ambulance to the right entrance and fill them in on what they needed to know.

I could have done more. I SHOULD have done more. I knew that the person concerned had conditions that are well beyond a first aiders experience, but despite the room full of people I should have taken charge.

One of the problems that office worker first aiders have is that we don't see regular issues. Our skills are very rarely called on. It can be years between passing our first aid tests and the next refresher in order to keep the certificate current. This is where the danger lies. I can't remember the year when I passed my first certificate. Tonight I even forgot something as basic as the recovery position. My refresher is a few months away. I had become so rusty in the mean time.

Our leisure colleagues who work in the centres, see incidents on a more regular basis and have more regular training. It's part of their job. For people like me, however, we really need more frequent refreshers. Even if it is half a day a year, it should be enough to go over the major things that need to be acted upon.

If only I had more faith in myself to have acted.

Fortunately, the defibulation units speak to you and remind you what to do. The rest of it, through, can slip out of mind if not refreshed.

I feel really ashamed of myself right now. I should have done more. I need to do more. This training needs to be kept up as you never know when you're going to need to use it.

A clash of faiths

2010-09-26T12:55:00.000+01:00

The BBC programme, "Our World," reports here of the attacking of minority faiths by islamist fundamentalists in Indonesia. The program starts about 4 minutes in.

The key question that to my mind would wrap this up, would be an investigation in to the signatures; this would surely have set the present argument to peace. Apparently that seems to be something which the programme did not investigate; merely the two sides disagreement over them.

What did strike a note of hope was a muslim woman stating that it was a secular country and that everyone should live together. It does seem that there is a tension within islam itself that could threaten to tear its own followers apart. If people have such faith in their religious leaders and then find out they have been given incorrect information, then how will that make them feel?

I was drawn to the Christian side in this particular issue because I really feel that the people themselves were making their choices, not being led by someone. The other thing was the outrage that the community felt that, after the sale of a house to the Christian group, it should be used as a Christian church. If legal title has transferred, then what right have they to hold this grudge? This sounds like a religious dictatorship to me and that the government are running scared of the populace.

It really does seem to me that the legality of the signatures themselves could hold much sway here.

Watch the programme and make up your own mind.

Food

2010-09-23T21:14:00.002+01:00

I've been following the first two episodes of the Food programme and I have to admit that they're doing a decent job of scaring me off my grub. Well, not really. I had the good fortune to go to a school that sent us on field trips to understand about animals and farming. I also grew up in a small town/village which had farming elements around it.

In fact, there is one thing that I really must investigate. It seems that the favoured way to cook the less popular cuts is to slow cook them, but when it comes to saving money I have to wonder how much energy the slow cooking actually costs. If anyone knows, please do hit me in the comments, as when it comes to cooking for one or two people, it might be cheaper to buy a better cut of meat and cook it more quickly. It is something I would like to find out.

For a few years I did the impoverished student thing and then lived on my own for a considerable while. I then had the good fortune to meet Lloyd (not Grossman, I hate his sauces) who had spent some considerable years as a chef and as I taught him web design, he taught me to cook ... to my specification, of course. What I specified was that I wanted to be able to cook good food but not have a larder that stretched in to next door's property.

Also, I fairly much hate spicy foods. Mexican and Indian are pretty much out for me. I prefer my Mum's traditional cooking (meat and two veg) and I love stir fry. We've recently started cooking some of the dishes that I've had recipe cards from, for years.

If there is one thing that Food has taught so far, is that there is a relationship between price and quality. Or at least between price and taste. When I'm making my own decisions on ready micro meals, I usually compare the traffic lights on the packets first and price second. If there is too much red or orange on a value product, I'll knock it up a notch.

As a student I was cooking stir fry. It meant good pieces of meat, but it didn't need much. I have to admit to using basmatti rice rather than long grain because I love the fluffy texture. When I was down to the value foods it would only take a little something from the cupboard to give it the lift it needed; whether it was brown sauce, some grated cheese or some herbs. It generally didn't take much.

When with Lloyd, it was amazing what you could mix and match. We even had concasse on toast once; a great hot breakfast that feels light but sets you up for the day. The amazing thing is that you could make changes to the dishes by adding some mushrooms here, changing the meat there, and throwing in bits and pieces. As you'll notice in my general cooking notes that I first wrote about ten years ago, the basics are just so basic that ... I mean, how do you actually need a recipe for cooking some meat and boiling or steaming some vegetables?

Lloyd would do things by eye. I'd be frantically trying to write down notes on how much of this or that he was adding, but he didn't actually know. He was doing what felt right and eventually I realised that if I was going to follow his lead, I'd just have to let go and judge by feel. Difficult to do.

When facing a busy life, stir fry is great for the person on their own. I penned this simple guide five years or so ago. It really is as simple as throwing a few things in a wok and stirring it around. Perhaps the things that need to be watched is to ensure that you get some vegetables in there (it really is easy to forget about veg, but give things like peas, lettuce or spinach a try) and be wary of the amount of salt in things like soy sauce.

Health is an important part; listen to your body and be honest with your GP. Me, I've got a hereditary liver issue so I've got to cut down on the cholesterol and eating liver is more or less a no-no; which is a shame because I recently found a gorgeous liver stir fry dish (went well with vegetable rice with ginger) but that's out the window now. Match your diet to your lifestyle and body. I'm also eating more fish than I used to; I don't like fish, never have, but I know I've got to eat it so it is worth the effort in to finding recipes that work well.

There isn't any shame in learning to cook from scratch. As you practice, you get quicker in the kitchen and you can turn a chore in to a pleasure. At home, my Mum does much of the cooking and that takes a load off me, but I do look forward to when she goes away every now and then so that I can take a break from the mundane stuff that I do and gain a little pleasure from mixing up something tasty.

Unavailable films

2010-09-22T19:24:00.000+01:00

I don't know whether it is down to me being a weird person or something, but a number of the films that mean anything to me are unavailable in this country.

On your right is exhibit A, "Animalympics." I managed to get hold of a VHS copy with ease some years ago but finding a DVD was much more difficult. Eventually it popped up in Germany, so I now have a copy from which I extracted the English audio. I also managed to get a copy of the vinyl LP of the sound track.

Exhibit B isn't here yet. It's a cartoon feature called, "Flight of Dragons," made from the book of the same name by Peter Dickinson and stars an animated character of that same name, presumably in his honour. Even that is having to come from the USA although the book itself was not too difficult to find here.

One of the last on the list was actually released on DVD in the UK and reached me yesterday. Called, "Dirty Weekend," it was directed by Michael Winner and shot in Brighton. Slightly on the unbelievable side, it tells the story of a woman harassed by a sexual predator. From his tormenting emerges a woman who takes no prisoners and exacts revenge on a number of similarly minded men before moving on with her life.

There is another, "Mandroid," but the sequel was never made and I seriously doubt that it will ever grace DVD, but I'll keep hunting it. One day, maybe I'll find it.

Godiego - Gandhara?

2010-09-21T07:24:00.000+01:00

I was one of those children that grew up in the age of Monkey Magic and I took some lessons from this TV series.

Finally, I managed to get my hands on a copy of the original sound track and also a DVD of Godiego in concert at Todaiji. I should have realised that even after this amount of time, the concert would be a large, sit down affair with much calmer music than presented on the TV series and none of the crowded, sweaty, active audiences that we have in Europe.

I know what you're wondering, with the exchange rate at only 130-ish Yen to the Pound, but I'm not going to give that away. It is one of those things that you hunt for in your life and I've finally got it. The whole DVD series was released in a box set and not only that but the 13 missing episodes of Monkey Magic were re-dubbed a few years ago, so I've been enjoying the badly dubbed but somehow magical episodes of the journey to India to collect the scriptures once again.

Whatever your religious inclinations or not, this series did a wonderful job of carrying a moral social message and indeed, I picked up on it. You don't have to be religious to live an honourable life and have a strong purpose in the world. I've written more about this on my web site Kimono Krazy.

Porridge

2010-09-19T14:51:00.011+01:00

I'd like to introduce you to my new breakfast. Porridge. Say, "hello," to the nice readers ... oh well.

The four ingredients are...

1) Wheat Bran - helps the digestive system.	*1 spoon.*
2) Skimmed Powdered Milk - being skimmed, it's low fat and being powdered, it keeps well so you can keep it exclusively for the porridge and not inflict it on the rest of the household.	*3 spoons.*
3) *Oat Bran* - If you're like me and running high on natural cholesterol, then this helps get rid of some of it.	*1 spoon*
4) Oats - The body of the meal.	*5 spoons.*

For measuring, we have the 30ml or 1/8th measuring cup. It makes it easy to get a level measurement when you're like me and zombified in the morning. Also, being on the end of a handle makes it easy to use.
Put it all in a 1 litre microwavable bowl and mix it up. If you don't mix it, then when you add the water, the milk goes in to lumps. At this point you can add currents, sultanas, whatever you like. Claire Hemmings suggests raspberries or strawberries
Add 450ml of water. The water is the key to the consistency, so adjust to taste.
Now you can put in a microwave for - 800w, 6 mins at 70% - 800w 5 mins at 80% - 600w 5 mins at full power - and you should be able to leave it cook without any risk of it boiling over.
Once the first few minutes are done, it is at this point that you can add a tablespoon of syrup or honey if you want to have a more pleasing taste. Syrup is empty calories, and honey is expensive, so I have mine plain and boring.
Now it is back in the microwave for another three minutes, but you're going to have to watch it this time to make sure it doesn't boil over. If it does start to boil over, simply stop the microwave, wait for a few moments and then continue the cooking.
When finished cooking, leave to cool for a few minutes, and then eat. I don't eat porridge every day, but I have it most days. As well as helping lower my cholesterol and keeping me from having to go on to statins, it also helps fight the cravings for sweet things at work and I've cut down a lot on the snacking. It isn't enough on its own but it certainly helps the will power. It also seems to have had an effect on my weight as well, as I've bust the 15 stone mark and I'm coming down slowly.
In terms of timing, it is relatively straightforward. The ingredients can be in the bowl and mixed in about a minute. Then in to the microwave and do what you like for the first cooking period. Unfortunately you've got to keep an eye on it for the last three minutes but once you've got the hang of it, it is reasonably quick. Not as quick as pouring some milk on to cereal, but better than watching a pan of milk boiling on the stove.

Why I believe secularism is vital

2010-09-16T22:12:00.000+01:00

We'll start off with the definition of secularism that I'm using here. The right to be free from religious rule and teaching. Freedom from religious interference or influence in the running of the state.

Once upon a time, the world was a divided place. A very few people travelled and mixed with other cultures. This made pockets of dominant theologies bearable on the world stage as each was relatively isolated from the other.

Not any more.

I think that the UK has born the brunt of this. Somewhere like the US has the land mass for each to find its own area and even live close by others without too much tension. Other places still seem to maintain dominant theologies. I remember friends of mine who used to work in the USA of the last century when towns had invisible lines between black and white communities; and woe betide you if you were on the wrong side of that line.

The UK is too small for that to happen. We are all on top of each other. Perhaps it is because of this that we don't see it; no section of society is strong enough to be able to draw physical lines; only idealogical ones.

I consider myself lucky in that I got to live life on the other side of the coin. I spent time in Europe. Not as a tourist in the most popular cities and assigned areas. Not in a military camp or hostel. As an immigrant worker. I got the chance to experience a slice of the other side of the curtain.

I won't name people or places, because quite frankly wherever I went I was met with nothing but honest people who wanted to include me in their lives and helped me overcome the problems of not knowing the various languages I encountered. In fact, I never stood much of a chance. I was used as a means of English practice by most people I met. In fact, I felt ashamed that English was all I could speak, but I faced an unusual situation; where English was my first language, what on earth should I target as my second? We are neighbours with France. I have a small personal passion for Japan. Germany is a strong player in the international markets.

For most people abroad, English is a natural choice for a second language. For me, it was not that easy. So I was destined to struggle. But it was to the credit of the people I met, that they cut me the necessary slack to get along. As a result, on the whole I largely enjoyed my time working in Europe. If my life turned the same way again, I would not resist it. Change brings its rewards.

However it is that change to which religion per-se is not able to cope with. This will cause it great difficulty. It is a wise saying that the oak tree will be destroyed by the wind while the grass, flexible and agile, will survive the storm.

It was while working and staying in some of the villages that were off the beaten track, that I found the most problem. Shops were usually shut by 5pm which meant that any chance of my getting to a supermarket was dead in the water. When the winter was setting in and turned bitter, I had to wait until the Saturday before I could get to clothes shops that were open. Most of my evening meals were spent in restaurants and, boy, did I put on weight. Thanks to the small selection of open eateries I usually smelled of garlic. My dislike of spicy foods meant that the Italian restaurants usually got my trade.

As my life was outside the local norm, I needed fuel for the long journeys back to the UK, but the town fuel stations were closed. I had to be mindful of having enough fuel to make it to one of the motorway service stations, or else I would be stuck.

You know, there is a very odd feeling. Walking through a modern small town on a Sunday. The whole place deserted. Nothing but the sound of your own footsteps on the paths of the shopping centre. Bloody disconcerting and damn weird, I tell you.

The village ways of life being among the strongest pockets of religious influence, really cramped my style and impacted on my own freedoms. I felt it. It was like being in a prison where the walls were ideological and there were times I wanted to scream.

I wasn't on my own. The small hotel bars contained people like myself, penned in by the almost complete closure of the villages. We sought universal company in alcohol and silence, as we were almost always from different countries and I was typically the only one for whom English was the primary language.

You know how it is when you watch a TV show which has been dubbed in to English? Well, try and imagine watching TV where every show is recognisable as an English show, but everything is dubbed in to some other language that you can't understand. Mind bending. It is as if you have found something which is familiar to you, but someone has put a bar between you and it ... just when you needed it most.

It is one of those situations where you don't know what you've got until you've lost it. To have someone else's rules and morals forced upon you is criminal. Rules based on an ideology that you don't even believe in. Laws of blasphemy used as weapons to kill freedom of speech and help protect ideologies against criticism. The crime of blasphemy is a crime in itself. Religious fervour doing all it can to get a leg up and actively resisting all possibility of there being a level playing field; almost as if it knows that it can't stand on its on two feet in a fair fight.

I sit and wonder sometimes, as to how many people actually know how social isolation feels? I know that I have no idea; having found myself working at a desk in a small village in Europe, then turning around to come face to face with someone I worked alongside in Kent! Small world.

Benedict XVI's speech sounded to me like a social call to arms. I think he had it wrong. The Nazi movement that I knew were no different to other religions; they had their own belief, their own ideas and ideology and wanted to force it on to the rest of the world.

Star Trek gave the world a number of social gifts. One of them is what I consider to be the ultimate goal for human society; to be individuals, to have our own roots, beliefs, social history ... but to be able to work as a member of a greater society; a society founded on secular humanism.

I am not against faith in itself. I don't particularly wish to attack any faith. To rob someone of their faith is ... well, you might as well get a knife and cut out their heart; it will be a quicker death for them. I have seen some people come in and out of faiths over the years as their emotional needs have changed and they have also grown as individuals.

The one thing I have to do is defend my own position, defend my own freedoms of non-belief and the right I have to not have to be subject to the rules of a belief system in which I hold no value; and then it is gloves off.

While there are multiple religions, offshoots and sub sections all claiming that they are right and everyone else is wrong, then secularism is the only safe way forward.

When I was young, I went to the local vicar. He granted me time to have a discussion about faith. He suggested that I follow Budhism.

That left with one question.

If someone believes that their religion is the one true religion and their God is the one true God ... indeed is a respected official representative of that religion ... then why do they recommend someone to follow a religion other than their own?

The police are running scared of the media

2010-09-14T12:24:00.008+01:00

The BBC News channel reports that Police Chief Constable Peter Fahy said "It cannot be right... that the last hours of a man's life are broadcast on live television with members of his family looking on." For crying out loud, his family would have bloody well BEEN there if the Police had let them try and talk him down.

Sorry PCC Fahy, I disagree. What is good for the goose is good for the gander and if the Police have nothing to hide, then they have nothing to fear. They regularly display their bringing criminals to justice, including all the gory road chase action, on TV. They can't pick and choose what suits them.

I want the truth, and as far as I'm concerned, my personal opinion is that the Police have more to hide than the average criminal.

There is still the question of why Moat was tazed when he should have been darted. There is a whole shroud of mystery over the exact cause of how moat died and until the Police prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that they didn't cause Moat's hand to pull the trigger by delivering an electric shock ... I will forever remain suspicious of the Police.

I mean, the picture of that officer's face ... the one holding the tazer gun ... will forever live in my mind as an image of a bombastic, gung ho police officer who wants to, "get in there."

Indeed, given the on going war between police and photographers, with the Police using any trick in the legal book to deny photographers their legitimate rights, I despise our police force. Where once I held them in high esteem and even wanted to volunteer my time to assist their ranks, my own personal belief is that they are an out of control body of legalised thugs.

I mean, for crying out loud ... what pillock officer grabs someones camera because it may contain footage of the crime of someone running over an officer's foot in their invalid carriage. That's pathetic. Another one where a police officer broke the law in deleting images from a camera which can only be done with a court order. Jesus ... who the hell do these police think they are?

These bloody police officers aren't being brought to book by their own police forces for breaking serious laws of the land. No wonder I hate them so much. They are not above the law and should have MORE respect for the law than any of us.

The incidents of Ian Tomlinson and the woman assaulted at the G20 protest ... for crying out loud, talk about dragging feet. The case of the innocent Jean Charles de Menzes ... our police should be hanging their heads in shame. Simply type in "police photographer abuse" in to a search engine and wonder at what the hell our police force think they are.

They are public servants paid by the public to uphold the law, NOT paid by the public to think that they ARE the law.

...and the Islamist STILL don't get the message.

2010-09-10T12:11:00.001+01:00

As reported on the BBC website here...

"Demonstrators burned a US flag and chanted 'Death to Christians'."

It's all death to this, death to that, death to anything that stands up to them or gets in their way. If Islamists REALLY want to be taken seriously in an international world, they need to get their own house in order first. And they wonder why there is such outrage at their attempts to enact blasphemy against their religion!!! Good grief.

Mind you, I had another criticism to add to the particular BBC web page in question...

"Come on - '1,500 people poured on to the streets' - since when do 1,500 people, "pour" on to the streets?

In my humble opinion, this is a very small number of people and this whole report has shot itself in the foot.

Balanced, realistic reporting? I think not."

Why I believe the full face cover should be banned

2010-09-04T22:34:00.000+01:00

If you've read this blog for a while, you'll know who you're dealing with. A transsexual who is in to BDSM and is about as liberal as you can get. Well, except for the fact that I made the mistake of supporting New Labour. I AM only human, after all.

But the subject of islam in the United Kingdom is one that has really got me fired up. With a complete lack of response from any and all islamic/muslim organisations that I've contacted, including the British muslim council, to their eternal shame, I've had little to go on. The only thing that was out there was plenty of hate and bile. I had to get this sorted out.

There were a number of issues on my mind, the primary one being the immediate and slightly ridiculous one that muslims would rule the UK and all women would be forced to wear burkahs. This needed putting in to context and, without any input from islamic/muslim representation, I had to do my own digging.

As someone with more than a few years experience in BDSM, it was not long before I put my finger on one major distinction. In the BDSM world, whether an individual is submissive or dominant is down to the individual. It doesn't hinge on sex, it is purely the individual. The teachings of islam itself are difficult for me to get a hold of, but that of the fundamentalists is clear and straightforward; a woman is worth half a man. That kind of thing is repulsive to any modern society.

The burkah issue then became clear. It doesn't represent islam as a whole, or even a small part of it ... but it is representative, in my mind at least, of the fundamentalist beliefs.

To return to the swastika. It is the representative symbol of fascism. Hitler wanted to make the whole world of his race. Anyone who was different, was obliterated. The swastika was a symbol of that and when it is seen, what it represents immediately comes to the fore.

For me at least, this is what the burkah represents. The fundamentalism of islamic belief, that all must either succumb to islam or die. Jihad; death to the non believer. This is what the burkah represents. It is a statement of the individual that they hold those fundamentalist beliefs; the view that everyone must conform or die.

One would think twice before walking among the public wearing a swastika, but apparently burkah wearing is increasing in commonality in the UK; and that is why I don't like it. What it represents, offends me. After all, if someone were wearing a mask or a bed sheet as a pretend ghost, I wouldn't have any trouble talking with them.

However, here is the twist. I count some German people among my good friends. When I spent some time in Muenchen, I read of those German people who were against what the Nazi party did, and they paid the ultimate price. I visited some of the monuments recording their actions. The Nazi party ultimately came to an end, however. Defeated. Only a few stragglers remain and I dare say that time will also see their numbers reduce to zero.

I believe that there are people within the fundamentalist islamic groups who don't want to be there either. The threat of death is a pretty effective weapon against them taking steps to leave.

So where do we go from here?

Well, religions come and go. In even the most strictly controlled countries, the Internet is having an effect on belief. The International world is also playing its part. Pakistan has woken up to having to dismantle the caste system, ceasing forced marriage and killing people in family feuds. That'll take a few generations to work its way out, however. There is civil unrest in the middle East and things are still quite unstable.

Belief HAS to be a free, personal choice. I'm not against religion and belief, per se. I am against its effect on those who don't conform to that belief.

If there is one thing that has come of the West Bank situation, is that it is hamas, the organisation that will not come to the table for talks, the organisation that will not stop until Israel is dead, which is out in the cold. With a position like that, the only organisation that will die in that area, is hamas itself. Once isolated, its members will eventually conclude that it will have to put its arms down if it is to play its part in the wider world.

When I look at the world, I see realisation that the old ways must be shrugged off and that we must move forward. This is not easy, however, and even the christian movement is having to come up to date with sex equality. The Chinese population is easily able to circumvent the great firewall of China.

The world is growing up and I believe that at some time in this century, religions will have to adapt, or suffer the adherence to laws on sex discrimination and the like, which will force them to adapt or leave. It is only relatively recently that the power of the christian faith in government has receded. I find it hard to believe, now, that any significant muslim presence in the House of Commons will manage to revert our laws to that of islam.

We are a multi-cultural and multi-national society. For any one segment of that society to gain such control would be extremely difficult. However, statements by the likes of Labour MP Shakid Malik to the extent of the ambition of seeing a muslim PM, should be considerably more controlled until the fundamentalists are well and truly purged from the islamic faith; as it is all too easy to take his comments in the wrong way and conclude that he is calling for the muslim domination of the UK.

So, the burkah is, in my mind, like the swaskika; representative of a fundamentalist, non-tolerant, violent segment of world society and the sight of a burkah is offensive to me for this reason.

Religion and Eastern societies have got no option than to grow in to the equalities of the Western world. If they don't, their segregation from future world development is all but assured.

As to the UK, the breadth of the multi-culturalism will ensure our stability but more must be done to ensure that those with particular beliefs do not force their own systems on to others, or more importantly not to judge others by their own standards, like the events I have heard of muslims verbally abusing non-muslim women who are bearing skin.

Above all, the rigid enforcement that no religion is above the law of the country. The scenes of muslim men stood in protests calling for the death of people must be stopped; insightment to murder is a serious offence and I have every faith that when these youths are chanting for the death of someone or other ... these blokes really do mean it.

Labour screw it up again

2010-09-02T10:05:00.001+01:00

It is a matter of public record what the Labour party did to the freedoms of the populace when it was in power. Draconian, badly thought through legislation and all legitimate complaint was ignored while record amounts of legislation and alteration to existing law were pushed through Parliament without proper debate. Things so bad and nasty that it took the Conservative coalition to revoke some of them immediately and asked the public for what they thought should be revoked and why. (we have yet to see the results of that exercise)

But Labour, even in opposition, has topped its own abuses of personal information in its campaign for the next leader. Copies of the party database have been given tot he individual leadership campaign teams and the party has lost control of them.

It all started on a lazy Saturday afternoon at 1:14pm on the 31st July. Ed Milliband's team sent a text message to my mobile phone. WTF? Who the hell gave anyone permission to do that? I was straight on to the Labour Party and demanded that I never receive any such text again.

My mistake was believing that they had a handle on the situation and that would be the end of it. It wasn't. 2:57pm on Friday 27th of August, I got one from David Milliband and that was followed at 4:19pm by one from Diane Abbott. At least the Millibands had the courtesy to supply some form of opt out; Diane didn't even do that.

Furious, I let loose at the Labour Party team, because the mobile number for David's message didn't respond; and there wasn't one for Diane. i demanded that my telephone be removed from my records. The person in the membership team was most indignant, insisting that if there was a problem with my membership payment then they couldn't contact me. "Yes you can," I responded, "you can write me a letter." She was reluctant to do it, but she did so, and wrote my number down so that someone from the marketing team could call me.

Needless to say, the marketing team didn't ring me back and I had to run the gauntlet of the party telephone system once more, this time getting through to a member of the compliance team who, themselves, couldn't do anything. Apparently copies of the database had been given to the various leadership teams and they didn't have any control over the copies. The person I needed to speak to was on holiday and wouldn't be back until Monday. Well, Monday was a bank holiday, but I didn't correct her and expected a call on Tuesday.

On Tuesday, you've guessed it, no call. However, on Wednesday I received another text from Diane's team. I called Diane's campaign office. They didn't deal with the text, didn't know who did, but would forward my complaint to ... the complaints team. As at the time of writing, I've heard nothing from them, either. I finally attempted to call the Labour party yet again.

Now, if you've had the displeasure of calling the Labour party offices, you'll know the kind of thing that usually happens. You select your option and then sit in a queue. More often than not, you sit on the line for a while and then for no reason, you get cut off. When you do get through to someone, you can't count on any promise they make. Well, so far I haven't been able to.

The straw had broken the camels back and I filed a complaint with the Information Commissioners Office, "We are dealing, here, with the Labour Party's complete disregard for the Data Protection Act, willful copying of the information to leadership contenders private campaign teams, complete failure to have any mechanism in place for handling the data and complaints about its use … in other words, a complete and highly offensive shambles."

We'll see what happens, but if this is the way that Labour treat a party member, God knows what they'll do to privacy legislation should they gain power again; and let's face it, the way that the Conservatives are going, the Lib Dems will have no option other than to collapse the coalition and face the music.

We're screwed.

E-Bay loses at every turn

2010-08-08T22:49:00.001+01:00

Well, it has finally happened. For the last couple of months, there is nothing that I want that I can find cheaper than on E-Bay. In the last 60 days I've bought a sun visor and a mobile phone holder.

The latest example was tonight, when I found out that I am missing one of the DVD's in my Kung Fu series. It must have still been in a DVD player that went somewhere. I stand a low chance of tracking it down, so I'm preparing to buy a replacement. There is only one small chance of finding it left.

So, here is Amazon's offering...

...and in the red corner, I give you, E-Bay, with most of the buy it now prices at approximately 50% higher than Amazon. Whether it just happens to be the stuff that I shop for, I'm not sure. E-bay is losing, time after time. I'm not sure what to make of this, but it certainly isn't the bargain place it once used to be. These days, I only look on e-bay as the last ditch effort. I mean, one twit in the USA wants £21.84 for theirs and hasn't specified the postage! Someone else, again in the USA, wants £28.17 and £6.25 postage to the UK.

PS: Against all odds, I found the missing DVD.

An AFP competition

2010-08-01T06:51:00.000+01:00

Over on The Shadow Box which is the forum for The Dresden Dolls, Amanda Fucking Palmer, etc. they ran this competition.

I'm posting this here because people who come to this blog can expect the unexpected and the boundaries to be pushed; so there is no excuse for complaining.

Eight pictures were put up and they wanted people to pick one and write a sub-500 word story. The competition closing date has well gone, so I decided to pick a picture and have a go. This is the picture I chose to write about...

...and this is what I wrote...

Gurtrude Mooster and AnnaBelle Udderton were two normal, everyday urbanite cows, shopping together in their local supermarket. Stood at the meat counter they were discussing the poor quality of human on offer these days.

“Well, personally I don't think that the packaged thigh slices are that bad.” said Gurtrude.

“Aw, but you haven't tasted ANYTHING until you've had diced triceps.” enthused AnnaBelle. “I mean, look at these specially weight trained specimens. So low in fat and pumped full of ...”

“Steroids.” Gurtrude interjected. “Packed full of steroids to make them more meaty. There's no way I'm paying fifteen cow bells per pound to eat a load of chemicals.”

“Well, you've got a point but … they make me want to drool.”

“You drool all the time. You know, ever since you went in for that udder enhancement I'm sure you're not quite the same.”

“It is all the rage these days. Makes the bulls go weak at the knees.”

“Yeh, but look at those scars. I told you not to go to Tully's Farm to get them done. Right load of animal butchers that lot.”

“Look, on the amount I earn as a milk seller, I can't afford Aberdeen Angus' place. Apart from which the bagpipe background music makes me want to moo myself silly.”

“Look, this is all fine, but what the hell are we going to do for dinner?"

AnnaBelle looks in her purse. “Well, we haven't got much choice as it looks like I've left my credit card in the barn. We could always just go to the discount aisle and pick up one of those cheap battered prostitutes.”

“You're kidding. I know we're short of cash but you never know where those things have been. They're not humanely killed, either. They just make a male human pimp wild and let him loose with a metal baseball bat.”

“Yeh but they're only ten cowbells for the whole carcass and they stew well. Plus they've already been tenderised in to the bargain and they're made in America! Well, it's either that or the unbranded tramps in the freezer section.”

“Thats a rip off as well. The price they want and the meat isn't worth picking off the bones. Have you tried de-skinning one of them? It's a nightmare trying to get the woollen coat off the skin.”

“Ok, I'm sold. Let's get a prostitute.”

Being in agreement, the two wander over to the discount aisle, load a battered prostitute in to their shopping cart and leave. Gurtrude takes the meat home to start cooking while AnnaBelle stops by a beauty parlour to get her hoofs done.

I can't see how ConDem policies add up

2010-07-30T08:36:00.000+01:00

Benefits are going to be made harder but there are no jobs for these people to fill.

Billions are going to be spent on benefit reform but we have no money.

Companies want to bring in their skilled work force but immigration caps are going to be set.

Can all this add up?

Yes. I remember, while growing up, that my father had access to adult education services. I have distant recollections of some logo that represented people, sort of like the sports logo looked.

I remain firm in my belief that immigration should be capped and these companies that are complaining, should be forced to take on our own population and train them. Any company has a responsibility to the community on which it feeds, to the government and the people who's grants it takes. To the people that it tosses on the scrap heap to use cheaper labour elsewhere.

If people are to be given the opportunity to dig themselves out of a benefits hole then there must be jobs there for them to go to.

If the conservatives carry on along this line, then they will be repeating Thatchers big mistake of all those years ago in closing so many mines without providing a replacement means of support for the communities that were left devastated.

The liberals? They're not part of these policies. Everything I see when I turn and look, is classic conservative. The only thing liberal about this, is the referendum.

If the jobs are there for foreign people to be brought in, then they are there for our own people to do. Punish those who persistently take the piss, but recognise that not everyone will perform well at every job; temperaments are different ... but my solution is this ...

For five years, for every person that a company brings in from abroad or has already got who is not a UK national, even Europe, to work here, they must take on someone from the dole queue to be trained within its organisation somewhere. There will be a few exceptions such as translation bureaus, but for the majority of companies this will be feasible, possible and about time that they invested in the communities from which they feed.

Futurama Fan Fic 2

2010-07-28T07:10:00.001+01:00

Well, after a loooooong break, I've returned to the Futurama Fan Fic, "Meat Your Maker," in which New New York is on the receiving end of a drug problem.

This is draft 1 so it hasn't been tightened. Let me know what you think...

INT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP

          Camera looking at Leela piloting. Bender and Fry are behind
          her. Fry is holding a clip board.

                              LEELA
                    Where did you say we had to go?

                              FRY
                    Um, an old disused factory at the
                    West side of this district.
                    Instructions are not to use any
                    lights at all.

                              LEELA
                    I can't understand why we have to
                    do this at night. It makes landing
                    awkward. We could inadvertently
                    squash almost any poor old
                    creature. Hang on. Coming in.

          They land.

                              COMPUTER VOICE
                         (clippy, quick and
                         condescending)
                    You killed twenty three billion,
                    two hundred and six million,
                    seventy six thousand and twenty two
                    amoeba during this landing and
                    contributed thirty eight tons of
                    exhaust to universal pollution.
                    Thank you for flying Planet
                    Express.

                              ZOIDBERG
                         (unexplained cameo)
                    Will the killing never end!

          EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP

          Landed in a run down industrial setting. Leela and Fry come
          down the ramp while Bender descends with a large box on a
          hover dolly from the cargo hold.

                              LEELA
                    I wonder where our contact is?

          The crack addict appears from the darkness, wearing a long
          trench coat and a trilby hat. Hands are in his pockets.
          Behaviour is slightly paranoid.

                              CRACK ADDICT
                    I'm here, man. You got my goods?

                              FRY
                    Yeh, we've got the delivery. No
                    problem.

                              CRACK ADDICT
                    Keep your voice down! No need to
                    let the world know I've got a
                    package.

          Bender approaches with the hover dolly.

                              BENDER
                    Here you go.

                              FRY
                    Yep, just sign here.

                              CRACK ADDICT
                         (surprised)
                    What, man? You want my name on
                    paperwork for this? But that's
                    traceable!

                              FRY
                    Sure. You got to sign for the
                    package.

                              CRACK ADDICT
                         (getting agitated, unsure)
                    Well, I don't know...

                              LEELA
                    Look, no signature, no delivery.
                    It's as simple as that.

                              CRACK ADDICT
                         (Rubbs one hand on the back of
                         his neck)
                    I'm not so sure about this.

                              BENDER
                    Well, you want the goods don't yah?
                    We can always take them back.

                              CRACK ADDICT
                         (wide-eyed and scared)
                    NO! Don't take them back. Look,
                    I'll sign. Give me that.

          The crack addict snatches the clipboard from Fry's hands and
          scribbles, before handing it back. Bender takes the box and
          puts it on a hover dolly behind the crack addict.
          Close up: Fry

                              FRY
                    Thanks for using Planet Express Mr
                    ... um ...
                         (looks at the clipboard)
                    ... Mouse.
          MEDIUM: Crack addict with HIS hover dolley

                              CRACK ADDICT
                    You're welcome.

          Crack addict takes dolly and box off screen.
          MEDIUM: Fry, Leela and Bender at foot of ship ramp

                              BENDER
                    Now there goes a real weirdo.

                              LEELA
                    You're not kidding, Bender. Come
                    on, let's get on with the next
                    drop.

          The crew make a move to go up the ramp and in to the ship.

          INT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP

                              FRY
                    You know, that guy was kinda weird.

                              LEELA
                    I wouldn't get hung up on it Fry;
                    the dictionary gave up trying to
                    define "normal" in the twenty third
                    century.  What's next?

                              FRY
                    Um, another back alley in the city.

                              LEELA
                    Oh well, a job's a job.

          EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP

          The ship flies in amongst the skyscrapers and lands near a
          dark alley. We look over the shoulder of Joey Mousepad in
          the darkness as the ships stairs come down and the hold lift
          comes down as before; Leela and Fry coming down the stairs,
          Bender with the delivery on the hover dolley.

                              JOEY MOUSEPAD
                    Aha, the delivery has arrived.

          We view the group as they assemble beneath the ship. Joey
          comes out of the darkness and joins them. He addresses
          Bender.

                              JOEY MOUSEPAD
                    Am I to assume that you have the
                    package of toy rabbits that are
                    destined for the poor children of
                    this district, kind sir?

                              BENDER
                    You mean this box? Um, let's see
                    the name on it.

          The box has a red symbol resembling a burger in a bun with
          whisps of steam coming off it.

                              JOEY MOUSEPAD
                         (looks around nervously for
                         anyone listening)
                    No need, no need, I assure you. The
                    marking tells me that this is,
                    indeed my package. Here, let me
                    sign and you can be on your way.

          Fry hands Joey the clip board and Joey signs for the goods.
          They exchange hover dollies and Joey walks off scene. Fry
          looks at the clip board.

                              FRY
                    You know, for such a large city
                    there sure are a lot of people
                    called Mickey Mouse.

          The crew get back in to the ship and take off.

          INT. SWEAT SHOP

          Joey is pushing the hover dolley in to the scene. Robot Don
          is standing there and Clamps is at a mixing table, wearing a
          croupiers visor, busily mixing ingredients with a sharp
          cooks knife. There is the sound of metal on a wood chopping
          board as he works. On the table are bags of oatmeal and
          bread crumbs as well as some mince meat.

                              ROBOT DON
                    Ah. The delivery. Careful with that
                    Joey. Its the pure stuff. Give it
                    to clamps so that he can cut it,
                    ready for sale.

                              JOEY MOUSEPAD
                    Sure boss.

                              CLAMPS
                    Clamps, clamps; I'll give it the
                    clamps!

          Close up on Clamps as he takes some of the mixture and
          clamps it in to a burger, then holds it up for examination.

                              CLAMPS
                    Ah, this is the good stuff!

          INT. PLANET EXPRESS LOUNGE

          Fry and Bender are watching the news on TV. Fry is sitting
          closest to the door. There is a large bag of crips on the
          table at his side, which he is dipping in to.

                              FRY
                    You know, all these night jobs
                    lately are really taking their
                    toll. I just can't sleep during the
                    day.

                              BENDER
                    You're pathetic, Fry. All you need
                    is an off switch; like me!

          Bender reaches behind his head and flicks a switch. He
          slumps slightly and his eye cover slides shut.

          INT. PLANET EXPRESS TV SET

                              MORBO
                    Reports are coming in of a new
                    craze that is sweeping the
                    metropolis. Called Patty, this new
                    drug is turning citizens mad. That
                    is, if it were possible for humans
                    to be any more madder than they
                    already are!

          Focus on linda with a shot of the police station over her
          shoulder

                              LINDA
                    Ha, ha! You're so funny Morbo. But
                    we've got trouble in New New York
                    today as illicit substances seem to
                    be permiating our society. Officer
                    Smitty talked to us earlier today.

          shot of smitty being interviewed.

                              SMITTY
                         (Obviously bigging it up for
                         the camera)
                    Well, we're working hard to get
                    this stuff off our streets. We're
                    not far away from catching the
                    perps. It'll be long sentences for
                    them when we do. Much longer than
                    the ones I'm speaking now.

          shot of morbo with same police station shot now over his
          shoulder.

                              MORBO
                    The new substance is reported to be
                    causing madness in organic life
                    forms. Some humans report bloated
                    stomachs and large, smelly farts.
                    Morbo would have thought that
                    normal for humans, but what does
                    Morbo know?

          shoulder shot shows court house with large hole in the side
          of the wall.

                              MORBO
                    The court house is fitted with
                    modern ventilation so that drug
                    addicts can be brought to book for
                    their crimes.

          shot changes to linda and the shoulder shot shows image of
          wigged judge wearing a gas mask.

                              LINDA
                    Gas masks have been issued to court
                    staff so that trials can continue
                    without interruption. In other
                    news...

          There is a crunching noise which is from the lounge, not the
          TV.

          INT. PLANET EXPRESS LOUNGE

          The bag of crisps has gone from the table.

                              FRY
                    Hey! What happened to my crisps?

          Bender switches himself on again while Fry is looking for
          the crisps, including under the cushion he is sitting on.

                              BENDER
                    What's with the moaning? Can't a
                    robot get some sleep? Forget it
                    Fry, we've got work to do. Time to
                    load up for tonights deliveries. I
                    need some beer.

                              FRY
                    But...

          INT. HACKING JACK'S FINE SMOKEABLES.

          Hacking Jack is behind the counter. Non-descript male walks
          in, looking slightly edgy. He walks up to the counter.

                              MALE 1
                    Um, I'd like a stomach smoker
                    please.

                              HACKING JACK
                    Is that pre-warmed or a cold block?

                              MALE 1
                    Pre-warmed.

                              HACKING JACK
                    Wrapped or plain?

                              MALE 1
                         (getting excited)
                    I'll treat myself, wrapped with the
                    works.

                              HACKING JACK
                    That'll be five hundred dollars.

          The male hands over a five hundred dollar bill and Hacking
          Jack dips underneath the counter for a moment. There are
          sounds of tomato bottle squeezing. Jack pops back up and the
          sound of a microwave is heard for a few moments, followed by
          a "ping."

          Jack reaches under the counter and produces a burger, in a
          bun that he puts on the counter.

                              HACKING JACK
                    I never met you before.

          The male becomes very excited at the sight of the burger.
          Jack is looking shifty from side to side.

                              MALE 1
                    No problem!

          The male grabs the burger and runs from the store. Jack
          whistles as he wipes down the counter.

          EXT. BACK ALLEY

          The male rushes his burger in a maddened frenzy, burps,
          leans against the wall and slides down the wall until he is
          sitting on the floor, a spaced out look on his face.

                              MALE 1
                    Man, what a hit!

          INT. PRESIDENT NIXON'S OFFICE

          Nixon's head is on the desk, Agnew is off to one side. In
          front of Nixon are some non-descript officials. This scene
          is supported by cut aways as Nixon talks.

                              NIXON
                    Gentlemen, we've got a problem. As
                    you know, beef died out some
                    centuries ago. But somehow its back
                    and it is causing us major
                    problems. We're seeing burger
                    addiction levels similar to the
                    twenty first century, when man
                    stuffed himself stupid on cheap
                    beef, put on loads of weight and
                    nearly doomed the human race to
                    extinction. We need to get on top
                    of this problem and fast.

          cut away shows a court room, and people arguing with the
          judge about a broken toilet marked, "exhibit p-o-o"

                              NIXON
                    People are already suffering
                    diarhoea to the extent that the
                    toilet manufacturers are being sued
                    for loos that weren't designed to
                    take the strain.

          cut away shows a mental health ward full of dribbling people
          rocking too and fro.

                              NIXON
                    Something has altered the brain
                    chemistry of people and they're
                    starting to fill up our hospitals
                    in ways that they weren't designed
                    to cope with.

          back to nixon's office.

                              NIXON
                    I tell you now that we've got to
                    find out what devious minds have
                    plotted to bring such a reign of
                    terror to our planet with the
                    intention of decimating the human
                    race. These invaders must be evil
                    and devious to the highest degree,
                    and they must be stopped.
                    Agnew. I'm angry. Bang my fist on 
                    the desk.

Agnew comes forward and hits the desk with his fist.

                              NIXON
                    That's better.


          INT. PLANET EXPRESS LOADING BAY

          The main team are there, with Farnsworth. Fry and Bender are
          loading more crates of burgers on to the ship. Leela and
          Farnsworth are talking.

                              LEELA
                    I don't understand it Professor. No
                    sooner have we gone to deliver the
                    goods than more crates are here
                    again and I don't see a sign of
                    another ship docking.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Oh it's all quite simple Leela.
                    These crates simply come from
                    another dimention. A hole in the
                    ground, if you will.

                              LEELA
                    Isn't that dangerous?

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Oh no, it's all perfectly safe.
                    Now, while those two are loading
                    the ship perhaps you can help me
                    find my missing slippers. We seem 
                    to be losing a lot of things 
                    around here lately.


          INT. ELZAR'S RESTARAUNT.

          Elzo is stood at a table with a lone male pondering the
          menu.

                              ELZAR
                    What can I get you?

                              MALE 2
                    Um, do you do any, um, specials?

                              ELZAR
                    Are you asking for patty? Are YOU
                    asking for PATTY! I keep telling
                    you folks that we don't do that
                    stuff. This is a respectable
                    restraunt!
                         (whispers)
                    Come back after closing time.

                              MALE 2
                         (whispers)
                    Oh, thanks.
                         (fake loud voice so that other
                         people deliberately over hear)
                    Um, sorry, I mean't pate, pate, you
                    know liver and such.

                              ELZAR
                    Thank you sir, yes we do a nice
                    liver pate and it is not in the
                    least bit spiced, whatsoever, in
                    any manner.

          INT. DON BOTS LAIR

                              DON BOT
                    We're doing quite nicely from this
                    patty business. Getting our supply
                    at great rates, cutting it down and
                    people can't get enough of it.
                    This'll make us rich.

                              CLAMPS
                    But we're already rich, boss.

                              DON BOT
                    You can never be too rich, Clamps.
                    Now get down there and clamp out
                    some more patty. We're opening the
                    big store tonight.


INT. PLANET EXPRESS MEETING TABLE

                              LEELA
                    I've called this meeting because
                    things are going missing and I want
                    to know who or why. My tools can be
                    replaced but when my scrunchie
                    collection went missing, that was a
                    step too far.

                              BENDER
                    Well it wasn't me. Despite being
                    probably the most despicable,
                    devious and downright most guilty
                    person at this table, my own beer
                    stash has gone and I don't know who
                    did it.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    It is probably just some anomaly.
                    You know the kinds of things that
                    happen in this building without due
                    explanation. It's probably just
                    another one of those unexplainable
                    things. Most likely another
                    dimension box or something.

                              FRY
                    I don't think so, professor. If
                    there was anything around here that
                    had the ability to kill someone or
                    end the universe as we know it, I'm
                    sure I'd have tripped over it and
                    accidentally destroyed something
                    already.

                              LEELA
                    As much as I hate to say it, Fry's
                    right. There's something unusual
                    going on here that's even more
                    unusual than the normal level of
                    craziness. I mean, look at the
                    Professors insani-meter.
          shot of a hand held metering device. the meter is going crazy

                              LEELA
                    The background levels of insanity
                    are going insane. I think we need
                    help.
          shot of the crew at the table. Professor is looking
          uncertain or even guilty. hold shot for two seconds.

          INT. HOSPITAL WARD

          A nurse is talking with a salesman. In the background, a
          crowd of insane, dribbling people; their backsides are
          exploding occasionally, bulging their trousers which then
          sag to the floor under the weight of unseen excrement. Other
          nurses are running around with pegged noses and a few with
          gas masks.

                              TROUSER SALESMAN
                    I tell you Madam that these are
                    just what you're looking for.
                    Designed for the larger person
                    during the fitness craze of 3012,
                    the extra support can hold in these
                    explosions you're experiencing and
                    save your staff considerable
                    anguish.

                              NURSE
                    But what about the patients?
                    They'll be standing around in their
                    own faeces.

                              TROUSER SALESMAN
                    Look at these poor people. They're
                    so out of it that the Metts could
                    win at blurnsball and they wouldn't
                    react.

                              NURSE
                         (looking resigned)
                    Ok, we'll take ten thousand.

                              TROUSER SALESMAN
                    Yes!!! I knew I'd shift these
                    eventually!

          EXT. NONDESCRIPT STREET.

          Night. The Crack Addict is arriving at the door to a shop.
          As he enters the door, the camera pans up to the shop front.
          It reads, "Honest Don's Book Store (honestly!)."

          INT. HONEST DON'S BOOK STORE

          The crack addict goes to the counter where there is a robot
          serving.

                              CRACK ADDICT
                         (whispers)
                    The Don sent me.

          The crack addict hands over a book.

                              BOOK STORE ROBOT
                    You are recognised. Please select
                    your tragedy.

          The crack addict wanders over to a section of the store
          containing Shakespeare's works. He selects, "HAMlet."
          Starting to tip it out of its rack, the book shelf moves and
          disappears in to the ceiling.

          The crack addict is left facing a large hall containing
          about a hundred people sat at various tables eating burgers.
          The whole scene is reminiscent of a nineteen hundreds
          speakeasy. Off to one side, three female robots are doing
          the can-can on stage. At the other side of the room is a bar
          where male robos are serving burgers.

          The crack addict walks over to the bar, looking a bit
          nervous.

                              SERVING ROBOT
                    Welcome sir. I am ready to take
                    your order. Please relax and speak
                    easy.

                              CRACK ADDICT
                    I'd like a patty please. Make it a
                    double.

                              SERVING ROBOT
                    With or without a bun?

                              CRACK ADDICT
                    Um, with please. Plus sesame
                    seeds.

                              SERVING ROBOT
                    Would you like ketchup and onions
                    with that?

                              CRACK ADDICT
                    Ketchup but no onions; they do
                    something odd to my stomach, and I
                    passed the hospital earlier.

                              SERVING ROBOT
                    Would you like fries, a side salad
                    or a drink?

                              CRACK ADDICT
                    Um fries and a drink please; but no
                    salad. Anything healthy would ruin
                    the ambiance.

                              SERVING ROBOT
                    Very well Sir. Seven hundred
                    dollars.

                              CRACK ADDICT
                         (counts and hands over the
                         cash.)
                    You know, they say that in the
                    twentieth century, you could get
                    this for ninety nine cents.

                              SERVING ROBOT
                    Incorrect sir. History reports that
                    in those days there was more
                    flavour in the carton. Excuse me.

          The serving robot shivers for a few moments. Then there is
          a "ding!" and the robot produces the order from his chest.

                              SERVING ROBOT
                    Enjoy your meal.

          The crack addict salivates while looking, wide-eyed at the
          burger in front of him.

          INT. PLANET EXPRESS UPSTAIRS LABORATORY

          Professor is talking with Leela.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    You know Leela, I'm sure we could
                    have handled this. I don't see a
                    need to call in the Globe Trotters.
          expands to the whole room. bubblegum is there along with
          Clyde and Curly. The globe trotters are standing near a
          writing board. they are dribbling basket balls.

                              ETHAN "BUBBLEGUM" TATE
                    You know, professor, you folks have
                    a serious problem. And I'm not
                    talking about the missing items,
                    either. Look.
          they look out a window at the scene below.

          EXT. PATCH OF GREEN LAND OUTSIDE PLANET EXPRESS

          Various people are on all fours, chewing the grass and
          making mooing noises.

          INT. PLANET EXPRESS UPSTAIRS LABORATORY

                              ETHAN "BUBBLEGUM" TATE
                    If this keeps up, the human race
                    will be extinct in five years.

                              LEELA
                    Good lord.

          There is a crunching sound off camera. Curly's ball has gone
          missing mid-bounce.

                              CURLY JOE
                    My ball! My championship, award
                    winning ball! That thing was with
                    me in the Omicron eight showdown!
                    Screw the human race Ethan, I want
                    to find my ball!

                              ETHAN "BUBBLEGUM" TATE
                    Now, now, Joe, according to this
                    equation here I've got the feeling
                    that these two things are
                    interlinked. The laws of insanity
                    fields say that two opposing forces
                    can not exist in the same place at
                    the same time. Have you ever seen
                    one person suffer from two forms of
                    madness simultaneously?

                              FARNSWORTH
                    No, but when Bender drank a bottle
                    of brown sauce instead of his beer,
                    he came close.
          flash image of bender, brown sauce bottle in hand, shaking
          violently, sparking and making gurgling noises.

                              ETHAN "BUBBLEGUM" TATE
                    Well, I say that if we solve this
                    patty problem, I reckon the rest of
                    it will all come right.

                              CURLY JOE
                         (on the floor, crying)
                    Please, let it be so! I want my
                    ball back! Mommy!
                         (starts sucking thumb.)

                              ETHAN "BUBBLEGUM" TATE
                    Curly's lost his Globetrotter cool.
                    We've got to act fast, before this
                    becomes permanent. You guys carry
                    on as normal while we investigate.

INT. PLANET EXPRESS LOADING BAY

          The crew are loading another set of crates on to the ship
          for the nights delivery. The crates are on a platform.

                              LEELA
                    I hope they get to the bottom of
                    this fast. The thing that's
                    worrying me is that the Professor
                    doesn't seem to want them around.

                              FRY
                    You don't think the Professor could
                    have a hand in all this do you?

                              LEELA
                    Normally, I'd say it wasn't
                    possible but he is behaving very
                    odd.

          There is a crunching noise.

                              BENDER
                    Hey, someone's stolen one of the
                    platform legs. Look out!

          Bender tries to extend his arms and catches Leela and Fry
          who were standing on the platform at the time. he platform
          itself collapses and one of the crates smashes open. Mince
          meat spills on to the floor.

                              FRY
                    Wow. What's that?

                              LEELA
                    Search me. Let's have a closer
                    look.

          Bender puts them down and the three approach the meat.

                              BENDER
                    It's patty! Raw patty!

                              LEELA
                    So that's what the Professor is
                    trying to hide. He's shipping the
                    raw patty.

                              BENDER
                    Don't look now, but that makes us
                    drug runners! Yeeha!

          INT. PLANET EXPRESS CELLAR

          The crew plus the Globetrotters are in the cellar.
          Farnsworth is explaining himself.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Well, it all started when the crew
                    bought me an archaeological dig for
                    one of my birthdays. I unearthed a
                    cow bone and used the DNA toaster
                    to bring it back to life. Doing my
                    research I thought there would be a
                    market for beef once again and I
                    could put something away for my
                    retirement. Let's face it, there
                    isn't much money in the delivery
                    business, when you're crew causes
                    so much damage.

                              ETHAN "BUBBLEGUM" TATE
                    But what you didn't reckon on was
                    that the cow died of mad cow
                    disease and was also carrying
                    bovine diarrhoea. You didn't
                    sanitise the sample Prof and that's
                    bad science.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Yes, Bubblegum, I know.

                              LEELA
                    But how did you do it, Professor? I
                    mean, I'm sure that if you started
                    running herds of cows and
                    slaughtering them, we'd have seen
                    something.

                              BENDER
                    Yeh, like rivers of blood and scary
                    moos and all that.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    After the one cow, I realised I
                    didn't have the heart to kill it,
                    so I invented the meat maker. It
                    takes the DNA and processes it
                    straight to ground beef. No need
                    for all that slaughtering stuff. I
                    could just package it and send it
                    straight out.

                              ETHAN "BUBBLEGUM" TATE
                    But that was too good a job, wasn't
                    it, Professor. The taste was so
                    good and you couldn't manufacture
                    enough of it, that it ended up on
                    the black market.

                              FRY
                    So where do we go from here,
                    Professor?

                              FARNSWORTH
                    I'm not sure. But if we can find
                    Ermentrude we'll probably find all
                    those things that have gone
                    missing.

                              ALL
                    Ermentrude?

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Yes. The first cow I produced. You
                    see I wasn't sure what to feed her
                    so she went off on her own. She's
                    probably been trying things to see
                    if they're edible.

                              FRY
                    You're telling me that we've been
                    missing an entire cow wandering
                    round the place?

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Well, yes. You see it wasn't easy
                    from the age of her DNA and I
                    didn't quite have the energy I
                    needed so I used some cronitons we
                    had left over from when we first
                    met Bubblegum, here. It sent
                    Ermentrude in to a slight time
                    shift. To see her, we'll need these
                    goggles.

          Farnsworth pulls out a number of pairs of green looking
          goggles from a desk drawer and hands them out.

                              SWEET CLYDE DIXON
                    So if we find Ermentrude, we'll
                    find all the stuff she's been
                    stealing. Right?

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Right. When she took things, they
                    probably shifted in to her time
                    stream. She's probably build a nest
                    somewhere.

                              CURLY JOE
                    Then let's get looking!

                              LEELA
                    Fry, you and I can get rid of the
                    cargo. No sense in leaving that
                    lying around. This is the end of
                    your sideline, Professor.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Doh. It was finally bringing in
                    some cash for once.

          Everyone puts on their goggles and starts wandering around
          saying things like, "Here Cow," "Moooo, mooo," and other
          such noises.

          INT. HONEST DON'S SPEAKEASY

          Everyone is enjoying their burgers when alarms sound. People
          look up from their tables but as they grasp the situation,
          the door bursts open and police flood the place. There is a
          fight. Arrests are made. Burgers fly.

          INT. PLANET EXPRESS MEETING TABLE

          Everyone has goggles either on their foreheads or on the
          table. Hermes is standing off to one side as the table is
          full.

                              LEELA
                    Well, we've covered the place from
                    top to bottom and no sign of her.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    I can't understand it. We should
                    have spotted her by now.

                              ETHAN "BUBBLEGUM" TATE
                    Unless she's slipped to another
                    time differential.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    That could be it. We'll have to
                    adjust the goggles and have another
                    look.

          The doorbell rings.

                              HERMES
                    I'll get it. There are already
                    enough of you looking.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Right. Let's have the goggles,
                    everyone.

          INT. PLANET EXPRESS FRONT DOOR.

          Hermes answers the front door and the police are there.
          Hermes lets out a "Yike!" as they storm in and search the
          place.

          INT. PLANET EXPRESS HERMES OFFICE

          The police are looking through the files. Smitty is in
          charge of the operation, looking at the other officers. URL
          approaches him.

                              URL
                    Looks like the gangsters were
                    lying. There's nothing here to link
                    them to the patty.

                              SMITTY
                         (takes some of the paperwork)
                    Hmmm... looks like you're right.
                    They've done a load of dealings
                    with Mickey Mouse though. I thought
                    he was dead.

                              URL
                    Well, last time I checked, trading
                    with the deceased wasn't a crime.
                    Perhaps this Mouse man wants to get
                    in some sightseeing now he has more
                    time on his hands.

                              SMITTY
                    It's possible. Still, you're right.
                    Nothing we can charge them on.
                    Right fellas, nothing here, let's
                    go.

          INT. PLANET EXPRESS LOADING BAY

          Hermes catches up with the Professor, searching for
          Ermentrude.

                              HERMES
                    Well, they're gone Professor. They
                    couldn't find anything to link us
                    to whoever you sold the stuff to.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    That's a stroke of luck. I thought
                    we were going...

                              SWEET CLYDE DIXON
                    I've found her. Over here in the
                    corner, fifteen micro seconds in
                    front of us.
          looking at a corner of the loading bay through the
          professors green goggles.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Oh, she's time shifted further
                    all right. And look, there's all the
                    stuff she's tried to eat.

                              CURLY JOE
                    Ahhh.. there's my ball!

                              LEELA
                    Well, how do we get her back to our
                    time, Professor?

                              FARNSWORTH
                    I'm not too sure, Leela. I'm all
                    out of chronitons.

                              ETHAN "BUBBLEGUM" TATE
                    Well, if you don't mind loosing the
                    things that she's time shifted
                    Professor, I think we can take her
                    off your hands and deal with this
                    on our world.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Would you, Ethan? That's very kind.
                    I don't think I've got anything of
                    what she actually eats.

                              ETHAN "BUBBLEGUM" TATE
                    No problem. We can sort her on that
                    score. There's also a gizmo we've
                    got that should help bring her back
                    in to our time as well. We'll take
                    good care of her.

          INT. PLANET EXPRESS UPSTAIRS LABORATORY

          Leela, Farnsworth, Fry and Bender are on the balcony waving
          farewell to the Globetrotters flying saucer.

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Farewell, Ermintrude.

                              BENDER
                    So, Professor. What you going to do
                    with all that cash you earned?

                              FARNSWORTH
                    Well, a lot of people have suffered
                    because of my bad science, so the
                    least I can do will be to give it
                    to the hospital.

                              FRY
                    What? You mean we can't have a
                    party with it first?

                              LEELA
                    I think that's very considerate of
                    you, Professor.

                              BENDER
                    But why? What are they going to do
                    with the cash? They're drooling and
                    exploding all over the place.

          INT. HOSPITAL WARD

          Nurse and salesman are talking again. More people are
          exploding in the background.

                              NURSE
                    I'm glad you were able to get these
                    too us so quickly.

                              TROUSER SALESMAN
                    No problem. Here's the invoice.

                              NURSE
                    Wow. These certainly are expensive.

                              TROUSER SALESMAN
                    Nothing but the finest quality
                    elastic in them days.

                              NURSE
                    Fortunately, we've just had an
                    anonymous donation. That'll cover
                    this nicely.
          scene turns to more people drooling and exploding as the
          closing credits run.

Americans saving the day?

2010-07-27T08:20:00.001+01:00

I don't understand what I heard on the news today. The British chairman of BP is on his way out and an American is coming in. The reporter said that the Americans think that only an American can save the day? What kind of lunacy is that?

The day is already on its way to being saved as it is, and both American and British people have been working damn hard to deliver it. The cap was created and installed specially, the wells to deliver the closing mixture are getting close to completion. The relief, clean up and compensation efforts are already in progress. What is there left to do but continue on the current path?

I mean, the company is a mix of Anglo/American ownership anyway and both markets have been hit hard, so I can't see where the hell this anti-British feeling in America is coming from and I certainly don't see how any victory can be claimed from an American guiding the company forward from this point. Perhaps someone can explain this anti-British lunacy to me?

Cut or thrust?

2010-07-23T22:16:00.010+01:00

Well, when it all comes down to it the old definitions are the best. Labour is all for pumping money in to public services and the Conservatives are all for giving it to private enterprise. A good portion of policies are down to individual interpretation; giving local people more say can either work very well or they can end up in chaos; it is down to the people involved. But some things are less woolly than we might think.

The big question in my book whether what the ConDems are doing now is right or whether we're being sold down the river once again.

Today I was at a talk on public sector finances course run by Unison. Now, first of all I have to make it absolutely clear that what I say here is me and has nothing to do with Unison. This isn't anything to do with my public sector employer either; the data I'm using here is publicly accessible and this is my own personal opinion. I'm not speaking on their behalf. I'm also not going through all of the course, either. But I wanted to get to the bottom of the figures just as much as anyone, so here goes.

This graph on ukpublicspending.co.uk shows the UK net deficit as a percentage of GDP. The treasury stopped using this statistic in 2004 because it didn't reflect the true liabilities of the modern state. The history of our debt, as a nation and indeed as an Empire, is very eloquently summarised in that article; I won't repeat it here. Just follow the link and have a good read.

It doesn't take an economist to tell you that debt isn't always a bad thing. As a tool, used in the right place, at the right time, in the right way, it can be a very necessary evil. It is when it gets out of control that it causes a problem.

That is what happened when the banking crisis hit. So how much of an effect did that have? Well, according to the treasury's own figures on the PDF you can download here on page 33 (page 21 of the PDF file) you can see these figures ... I've compressed the chart and cut off some of the projections so that you can still read the numbers.

It went up more than four fold. The whole world was affected, some countries really hitting the rails while Canada took massive steps to be one of the few countries to turn their deficit around.

So now we are in a bit of an awkward situation. The UK public effectively tore up the European rule book and now own a significant chunk of our banks. That is money which will eventually come back to the public purse with considerable interest. If the money comes back to the public purse under a Labour government they are likely to say, "didn't we make a good investment," and if the Conservatives are in power, it will be swept under the carpet but used to fund positive image building or else to cut the deficit even more and show Conservative policies have, "worked".

Both Labour and the Conservatives prepared cuts. No secret there. The chart on the right is Labours plans from the same document I already linked to. However I couldn't find an equivalent graph in the Conservatives 2010 budget. In fact, I've had to complain to the web master that there is no PDF document; only a live viewable version that can't be locally saved and if you're unlucky enough to have a non-standard monitor combination like mine, then you'll have problems viewing it as well.

However, these issues aside there is no doubt that the ConDem's are cutting public spending faster than Labour. The parties have said so publicly.

The public are feeling the pain. Public service cuts usually hit the poorest in society the hardest. Those who can not afford private schooling for their children, private health care, etc. are reliant on public services.

But there are two questions that have to be answered here. Firstly is, are the banks going to feel the pain for the situation that they created and play their part in putting it right? Secondly, are the ConDem's actually taking advantage of the situation to sell off public services behind the public's back?

Also, do the public sector work force really deserve a pay freeze? Should the public sector pensions be changed?

It is widely accepted that public sector workers wages are lower than the private sector and that the pension is the balancing act. Now, people are calling for the public sector workers to take a hit like the private sector workers have been doing. However, since 2004 when I've been working in the public sector, even during the good times the national pay award has been below inflation; we've been taking a pay cut, even in the good times when everyone else enjoyed pay rises and all the rest of it. We were suffering pay cuts even in our smaller wages before the private sector suffered from the banking crisis. So, think again on that one. (some locally negotiated staff did get better pay rises than the national negotiations.)

Another thing to put in to the thought process is that the public sector HAVE been shedding staff throughout the process. Some areas more than others; and the remaining staff have still been working to deliver the services that the public expect. It is only with the coalition in power that the cuts have been so deep that the number of services having to cease, has risen quite a bit.

We will never know the effect of the Labour plan, how deep and where it would have cut. We only know what the Conservatives are doing; and people aren't liking the service cuts that are happening. The question is whether the people will buy what is being said and take the cuts on the chin, or whether they will reject what the politicians are saying and actually do something about it.

Oddly enough, it is the Liberal Democrats who are the only people who can stop the show. It is they who have to make this decision and either run with the coalition or else whip the rug out from under it.

So now let's return to those two questions.

Firstly, the banks paying their way. The Robbin Hood Tax has received much debate and much has been made of the 0.05% tax on inter-bank transactions that would raise hundreds of billions of pounds. So let's take a look at the MP's who the Robin Hood web site has a response from, in support of the tax.

Sandra Osborne - Labour
Caroline Lucas - Green
Jonathan Edwards - Plaid
Toby Perkins - Labour
Jim Cunningham - Labour
Ann Clwyd - Labour
Sheila Gilmore - Labour
Ian Davidson - Labour
Martin Caton - Labour
Linda Riordan - Labour
Mike Weatherly - Conservative
Mike Gapes - Labour
Cathy Jamieson - Labour
Rachel Reeves - Labour

Luciana Berger - Labour
Nia Griffith - Labour
Elfyn Llwyd - Plaid
Dai Havard - Labour
Tom Blenkinsop - Labour
Jess Morden - Labour
Paul Flynn - Labour
Katy Clark - Labour
Huw Irranca-Davies - Labour
Owen Smith - Labour
Ian Swales - Lib Dem
Paul Blomfield - Labour
Tristam Hunt - Labour
Albert Owen - Labour

While 28 MP's doesn't represent a significant portion of the house, there is a significant difference in view point between the Conservatives and Labour. I would be very surprised to see a Robin Hood tax enter the books under the Conservatives.

I have to ask the question, how else should the banks help the community? Well, reading the Conservatives plan they'll stop the big bonuses (which isn't realistic; if a bonus is in someone's contract, it is not legal to arbitrarily change it, it has to be a two-sided thing) and explicitly support new lending. Well, as Labour found, it can't force the banks to lend to anyone and depositors are already protected against risky lending; underwritten by the government already.

Also, I'll nip in here that the Conservative promise of £250 to the lowest paid public sector workers isn't actually binding outside central government and these people are finding it hard to get their local governments to actually live up to the Conservative promise.

I can't see anything in here which will actually make the banks pay back anything to society for the trouble they've caused; except for the interest on the loan that UK.PLC has leant them.

To the second question, are the Conservatives slashing the public services and giving them to private industry?

Well, there hasn't been anything yet which can convince me that a well managed and organised public sector which makes use of both its local delivery and its national bargaining power, and doesn't have to generate a profit can not do the job better than a private sector which has to do all the above and still show a profit at the end of the day. That extra money has to come from somewhere. The public sector, properly organised and run, is better value for our money than a profit driven private sector.

If you have access to "The Times" then look for the article, "Capita sees gain from spending cuts pain" on 23 July 2010 - It expands on this report from March that business expects to make money from the public sector outsourcing their services to them in the hope of saving money. The truth is that better organised services can gain money by in-sourcing instead. The trend of in sourcing and out sourcing is one that has come and gone as the grass is always seen as greener on the other side of the fence.

The fact is that outsourcing loses flexibility as if the service needs to change for some reason, re-negotiating an outsourced contract is where the real financial pain is to be found. Council services change; some more than others and changing contracts or buy outs can cost serious money. Some public services do better than others when it comes to contract negotiation and forward planning and this is a skill that some sectors of the public sector need to improve on in order to make outsourcing work. Being in-sourced actually gives you staff flexibility. As long as you are changing a service and not simply cutting heads, you're not going to suffer high redundancy costs. Not only that but the mere act of either taking a service in or farming it out, costs money to achieve and this cost itself is not only a significant one, but if it isn't mentioned or accounted for in any out/in sourcing proposal, then questions should be asked.

When it comes to selling the public sector in to private sector hands, Canada has been there before us. This article is worth a read although it gets more party-ish as you reach the end. However it raises another question and indeed something that no one has considered to date. Are our public sector organisations actually capable of turning a profit?

It is a good, solid question that I haven't seen publicly addressed anywhere, but if public services were delivered and paid for at point of delivery instead of a general tax, then this would be fairer for the population and would also mean that there could be a lowering of council tax in general and also less reliance on central government funding.

Don't scoff ... there is serious mileage here. After all, would you rather see funds stay with the local authority for use on local services, or in a private companies hands going to shareholders?

The Conservatives have already gone further than their own web site stated their manifesto to be, cutting public school building funding, front line social services being cut, projects to keep the kids off the street, specialist care for the vulnerable ... from what I've read, Labour cuts would put more pain balanced at industry while the Conservatives are aimed at public services.

The Lib Dems, despite their slightly smaller number, actually hold the power today. The old targets of Labour and the Conservatives are still the same; they haven't changed. New Labour had made a number of nasty turns in trying to deliver a more equal society that I don't agree with, but the Lib Dem's still don't seem to have an overall solid principle.

There is more to Clegg's insistence that Brown step down as leader; because when Brown did step down, Clegg stuck with Cameron. That says there is more going on than is made public.

Also, there are local tactics being used to make political moves. Using council reserves to keep council tax down is one of them. The other is the Conservative council tax freeze; in return for freezing the council tax, the councils will receive a grant roughly equivalent to a 2.5% council tax income rise. This enables unscrupulous local authorities to say, "We've been forced to freeze the council tax so there'll be less money. We'll have to cut jobs." You can actually get the financial documents of your local council to work out whether they are being honest or not; but you've got to be able to understand the financial jargon to be able to interpret them and work out where the authority is pulling the financial wool over people's eyes and whether the deficit that the council says exists, actually does exist.

Let's look at Strood District Council's General fund revenue outturn report for 2007/8.

You can see here that in their general fund, there was a 930,000 difference (in their favour, or "profit" if you will) from what they planned would happen and what has actually happened. That's a lot of money. (one of the confusions is that on this report, a negative figure actually means money coming IN not going out.)

In the top half was their expenditure. Money going out. They spent 340,000 less than they thought they would. In the bottom half is the income. They brought in 590,000 more than they thought they would. That's the best part of a million pounds better off than they thought they would be even after they revised their accounts!

If a council says that due to market factors, the economy, the particular phase of the moon, that something is going to happen and they need to make cuts, then how many people have the ability to actually dig out the documents and check that what they said would happen, actually DID happen? Unfortunately, because council accounts only have to follow guidelines and not a strict reporting formulae, it makes it much more difficult for anyone to actually analyse what is happening in a particular councils accounts.

One document that I haven't been able to independently verify is that, nationally, councils have forecast reserve drops but experienced reserve gains (Councils have had enough left over to be able to put money to one side at the end of the year, despite actually forecasting a shortfall.) up to the present day. In order to validate this, I'd have to go through the accounts for every councils reserves for all of these years. But if you've got time on your hands it might be worthwhile logging on to your local council web site, getting hold of the public statement of accounts (they are public documents) and doing the maths.

As a nation we're overly pessimistic about our reserves by hundreds of millions a year, even including the present day, so there is good reason to consider whether we are being over zealous with the cuts and it was about time independent accountants analysed local authorities books.

But why should we be calling for standardised accounts across public organisations? Once there is a standard formulae for account submission, then a simple guide can be produced which will allow any one to take the accounts, take this figure from here, that figure from there and another figure from somewhere else and come up with the sate of the council. With non-standard accounts submissions it becomes a lot harder for Joe Public to actually ascertain what the council is up to.

Now ask yourself this question ... what chance does an elected councillor with no accountancy background actually have of checking up on what management are telling them? These documents are long and need specialist interpretation. It is about time that parties helped their councillors to work through these documents.

Coming back to national level, that leaves one question for people to ask themselves; if they knew the Conservatives were going to cut to the degree that they are ... would that have changed the way that they would have voted?

For me, I can't see how cutting this far, this fast, will benefit the country and hold the banks to account.

I do, personally, think it was necessary to send a strong message to Labour that they were on the wrong track. But I can't see our current path making the situation much better, either. Now that we've got a taste of the other side of the coin, perhaps it is time for another election?

Technology helping with the finances

2010-07-13T11:40:00.002+01:00

For the last eleven years I've used the free software Gnucash to record my financial dealings. As I've got to re-evaluate my spending patterns, I've spent most of the morning creating categories and putting things right. If I'd actually done it right in the first place, I wouldn't have to put in the extra work, but this is the kind of thing that I'm getting out from a report on just the last year, and also a report on the last ten years.

This is an example of how investing some time in technology has given me the vision to help me to help myself.

In the last ten years, I spent 6% of my income on fuel. The last year has seen that drop to 4.5%. Stands to reason now that I don't have to commute from Nottingham to Sussex. Also during that time I had a company car for a few years so not all the fuel I purchased was for private use. This has come down, but there is scope for more saving there.

Believe it or not, in the last ten years, 8% of my income has been withdrawn via cash point. This last year saw that rise to 10.5%. Not surprising given that people have been helping out on the house and some of that was covered by cash for bits and pieces as they've happened.

The mortgage/rent outlay for the last ten years was 20% which has risen to 24% this last year. As a good five years of this time was spent in a cheaper district in Nottingham, it doesn't surprise me that the mortgage in this area is more expensive than the last ten years worth of average rent. The one bonus is that in the long term rent payments will likely rise more than the mortgage payments will get affected by interest rates.

It was also comforting to find out that I've got more financial ability to cover this should interest rates rise in the short term. Providing nothing serious happens and I don't lose my job, I shouldn't be without a roof over my head; even if my wages don't rise for a few years.

Over the last ten years I've spent 0.7% on Cd's and DVDs. That rose this last year to a staggering 3.2%. A good portion of that was replacing my VHS collection with DVDs, but I've got to cut down on that expenditure.

Books have also risen from 0.2% in the last ten years, to 1%. Some of that is photography books and now that I have a small reading pile, it is time to stop that expense.

Amazingly, I've gone from spending 0.1% of my income on gifts for other people, to 1.1%. Hmmm... time to get smart on the gift front, I think.

My mobile phone costs have dropped dramatically. From 4.4% of my income over the last ten years, to 1.8% now. Switching from Vodafone to Orange is a large part in this. My £50 monthly bill has dropped to below £30.

Computer hardware accounted for 4.3% of my income over the last ten years, but this last year has seen me spend a massive 14.5% of my income on computer hardware. Although a portion of this was for other people and I was paid back, this figure has to drop.

Other equipment that I haven't been able to classify yet, was 7%, now down to 6%.

Photography equipment was 2.3% and has shot up to 8%. Now that I have pretty much everything that I need, this spending should drop off a cliff.

Household expenditure was 6.4% and is up only slightly at 7.7% which is expected as settling in to a new property.

60% of my income over the last ten years has gone on these categories, while a staggering 83% has gone this way over the last twelve months. A good chunk of the difference is in payments which are only listed as, "paypal," which I stopped using in earnest a couple of years ago, but having no detail, I can't track them.

So by investing a little technology in my daily life, I can reap the benefits of seeing just how I've been spending my money and I can adjust appropriately.

My tips for using this system is to get a good list of categories and don't be afraid to adjust them over time. Gnucash made it relatively easy to track transactions and change their category. The only ones I can't trace is where I didn't keep the detail.

If you're buying a gift voucher for someone, then check out the market first. For example; buying someone a book token that can't be used on Amazon can be money wasted, because Amazon are by far the cheapest seller out there and better value for money can be had. Best to think any gift cards through.

I've bought cheap and sometimes I've won, sometimes I've lost. On balance, I've lost and in future I'll tend to save a little more and get something a little further up the range.

Birthdays or Christmas times, maintain a wish list of things you can't afford and let your friends and relatives know about it, so that they don't waste their money on something you might not like.

The Moat Madness

2010-07-11T18:51:00.000+01:00

If you know me, you'll know that I'm not a fan of the police. Their behaviour over the years has led to my personal belief that they think they are the law and it is about time that the Home Office slapped them around the face and reminded them that they serve the public.

I've got issues with the media as well. If you've seen, "Bowling for Columbine," you'll pretty much see how the American media plays a strong part in the culture of fear in the USA today. It may not have started the fire, but it's there on the sidelines with a fan in one hand and a camera in the other with a live link to everybody's living rooms.

I'd like to see an offence on our legislation for aggravated reporting.

I believe that Moat's revenge was pre-meditated. Out of clink for that short a time and he had firearms. That smacks of planning to me, with outside help.

I reckon that if the Police hadn't deliberately made the point that Chris Brown wasn't a police officer, then Moat would have likely continued to attack the police. But despite being armed and on the run for seven days, beyond the original shootings, he didn't kill anyone else during this time. This doesn't sound like the actions of a blood thirsty rampaging killer to me.

I also take issue with the police for making that announcement as strong as they did. He had focus on the police; a load of kevlar vested officers with automatic firearms. They stand a chance of fighting back. But no; the police decided to remove his focus and run the risk that he would open fire on anybody. Smart decision that, I don't think.

If he had been emotionally up for murder, then why didn't he come out shooting when the police cornered him? Six and a half hours with a sawn off against his chin? That doesn't make sense.

The Police using tasers in the environment which they did, was stupid beyond belief. If they were going to try and be heroes and take the risk of him dying, then better to have darted him. A damn sight preferable to a taser. With that amount of time and the angles they had, it would have been a walk in the park. Not only that but the police refusal to get Moat's brother and uncle in to talk to him ... well, that's something that the police will be living down for some time to come.

The problem now is that there is no independent witness to corroborate the police side of the story; everyone was excluded from the zone.

Personally, I'd like to see the police stand trial for his murder.

From what I've seen and read, there seems ample chance to bring Moat in alive to stand trial for what he did; and the police deliberately didn't take those opportunities.

The media didn't help either. I was watching the BBC coverage and I was tut-tutting at the choice of pictures that they kept putting up both on TV and on-line. Who knows what kind of crap the independents were showing.

This needs a full, public inquiry. Fast.

The proof of any pudding

2010-07-11T10:55:00.001+01:00

... is in the eating.

The condems have made a number of moves lately. The first is courting the public sector workers for ideas on cuts. Well, that's a foregone conclusion. The public sector areas that I know of have been cutting back these last two years. There is only one area left to cut; management. Turkeys, Christmas, 'nuff said. But will they act on it?

Nick Clegg's face is all over this gathering of public opinion; taking the idea of the petitions system that Labour created and knocking it up a notch. I've not only leant my support to some areas, but also gone far enough to put some serious arguments and proofs in the columns as to why some of our own laws (that I badly disagree with, and voiced my opinions at the time to the relevant departments that wouldn't listen) should be scrapped. But will they act on it?

The promises they've made; local authorities don't have to abide by them! One Police force has already announced a pay freeze for their civilian staff but not for their serving officers; it was bad enough when our own Home Secretary refused to abide by the independent body, so it is only natural that central guidance will be brushed to one side; local authorities quick to enact the pay freeze but not so quick on the awarding of the £250 to the lowest paid. Will they act on it centrally and force local hands?

The news programs these last few days are already showing people who don't like the taste of ConDem austerity pie. Six and twenty black birds goes the song; but with financial analysts pouring scorn over the stated number of private sector jobs that will be created, it looks like they'll be lucky to find a pile of rotting feathers when this budget pie is opened; let's hope that the true yellow liberals turn canary and start crying for the Cons to sing for their supper and stop the road to recovery turning in to the most serious Eaton mess. The political oven is already starting to burn the crusts of their ambition.

The ConDem's can't realistically promise more private sector jobs to be created now, especially not more than were created in the good times ... can they? They are continuing the age old Conservative mantra of transferring public jobs to the private sector and I can never understand how a company which has to make a profit can do the same job cheaper than the public sector that hasn't; unless wages are lowered. All the public sector really needs is a kick up the management arse to do the job properly, in my book; the ability to evaluate and fire poor top level management.

So here I sit, knife and fork in hand, ready to see if the meal put before me matches to the claims on the ConDem's menu. Will it fill my stomach or leave me wanting more? Are they really wizards now that they're chief cook and bottle washer, or is the only thing that the ConDem's are cooking ... the books?

I know that all this culinary reference is making me hungry...

The Wheel of Life

2010-06-29T06:53:00.001+01:00

I ended up cross posting this on Shutter Fug (videography) and Life Of A Stranger.

There is more photography to come from Port Lympne, but I put this together from footage I shot on the mini safari that was part of the package for, "Livingstone Lodge." This involved an elongated tour of the hundred or so acres of land which is given over to free roaming hoof stock and the information given by guides who came from Africa and spent considerable years dealing with the ecosystem there.

The wheel of life is actually quite fragile and it is amazing to hear some of the checks that nature has put in place to avoid some disasters; and then how man has come along, made one change and killed over a hundred species giving himself a good deal of problems in the process.

One of the things in this video is how the Red Lechway graze the rough grass. Once they are done, when the floods come fish can traverse the wider flooded planes, eat the insects and lay larvae. This is then food for birds, etc. and when the waters go, the softer grass is available for other animals to graze on as the rough grasses have gone. When the Lechway are taken away, the fish are confined to the river, birds haven't got the same food available and starve and also the fish don't get to eat anywhere near the amount of insects they would have done; leaving man with an insect problem. Plus, the other grazers can't get at the soft grass because the rough grass is still there.

The guide made another point; why are we eating animals that we have to inject, dip in chemicals and wreck the habitat so they can graze on soft grasses. Better to instead use the naturally occurring animals instead. He has a point.

The other major thing was that nature has a protection mechanism against inbreeding. This is because inbreeding gives rise to genetic malformations including white animals. Normally, white animals are killed by the parents because they can't survive themselves; white animals can't camouflage and can't hunt; they'll starve. Also, they attract predators to the whole herd. White animals can't be reintroduced to Africa, firstly because it is human intervention that allowed them to come about in the first place and secondly because they can't survive there in the wild. So, if you are attracted to part with money to support conservation efforts aiming to reintroduce white animals to Africa, best check up on them first; there is a good possibility that the efforts are complete frauds and have been created specifically to get peoples money. In a few days I'll adjust this paragraph to include links to where you can do just that and be certain of where your money is going.

Science is also making things worse. Sub breeds exist and science wants to conserve these. The guide told it truthfully; if herds come across each other, they'll just mate and produce half breeds. Nature doesn't care, so why should we; especially as it gets in the way of reintroduction efforts. After all, so many species were introduced from other continents some years ago so it is a bit of a joke to ensure that some breeds are only introduced in to certain areas based on the breed that they are.

This is not a good situation.

The century that religion dies

2010-06-27T09:32:00.000+01:00

It was while I was reading Derren Brown's book, "Tricks of the Mind," that I eventually formulated what was happening.

Paganism and other beliefs like it, which involve the Gaiyan systems of being at one with the earth, have been trampled over by Christianity. In the East, religions like Islam and Judaism have been prevalent in their own areas.

In the West, science has been given free reign and the separation of Church and State have really been what has undone the Christian influence here. While we are seeing an influx of Eastern religious influences at the moment, they are also coming in to this arena of truth and will eventually die. The forceful practices of making believers follow their doctrine by fear are starting to lose because the local law won't support murder, the ultimate weapon of fear that such extreme religions hold over their believers. It is only a matter of time before these religions therefore die out because once free of repercussions for following their own hearts, individuals will dissipate from the main churches and follow what they believe is right; their OWN beliefs, rather than having someone else's forced upon them.

The last few decades have seen enough example of how the general population as a whole can not be served well by allowing exemptions to laws, for religions.

I still don't understand how Sikh men are allowed to carry a knife claiming a link to historic war time service, while even our own soldiers coming back from the present day battlefields aren't allowed that privilege. I don't see why muslim women are allowed to wear a headscarf as part of police uniform while Christian and Jewish officers can't carry any symbol of their religion.

These, and other exceptions, have to be snapped back in to reality for the sake of the countries identity and once that happens, the freedom of the individual will accelerate the demise of religion as a whole. Communities can only then return to being a community of people bound by each other, rather than being bound by a religion. Small pockets of religious communities can do our wider society no favours in the long run.

The Internet has opened the information super highway and extremist countries are, indeed, alarmed that education will, and is, undoing their control on their populations. It is becoming impossible for governments to oppress people any more. If there would be one left standing, it will likely be China, but North Korea will likely see its leadership finally lose its grip in this century, although not likely to the Internet but due to the commercial forces that are perhaps all that appears to keep it from social collapse.

This will be the century when religion, rather than fight those of other beliefs as has been the case of centuries past, will finally start fighting within themselves, eager to overthrow those who have hijacked their religious teachings and have produced other supposed holy texts with altered words and interpretations far from the originals. Islam and the burqa is an absolute modern classic. (memo to self, get an English translation of an older Koran at some point) To those of us outside religious systems, it is merely a matter of time and ensuring that we don't afford religions the protections that blasphemy laws grant; any religion should be open to honest social examination and to do otherwise is granting an obscene amount of power over the general populace. Yes, Ireland, you will never get my tourist monies as long as a blasphemy law exists; I have the right to free speech.

I don't really, honestly believe that the majority of people who follow religions do so for their belief in a god, but rather for the pattern and rhythm of life that it brings and the comfort to the soul. At the very least, it gives them some hope and faith in a life after death; and even a false hope is better than facing the knowledge of being eaten by worms in the ground, that all those years of life and effort have been for nought. After all, the people I talk with are intelligent enough to be able to examine facts and draw the only conclusions that are available; that there is no proof to the existence of any god. But for belief, proof is not necessary and it does provide something else which can not be bought with money ... hope.

This is where Derren Brown's book comes in, lifting the curtain on how the mind works and how, as humans, our very own minds fool ourselves. Things like ouija boards and pendulums are blown to buggeration. With what the Fox Sisters did to spiritualism, it is a wonder society still tolerates it. Muscle reading techniques are explained. Positive suggestion unmasked. Damn me, it is a bloody good book, but don't read it if you are easily offended, because its purpose is to expose the human mind for what is really is, which is how illusions work, by capitalising on our mental processes.

Eventually, these modern religions will all die and the realisation will sink in to humanities collective skull that Paganism and its global ilk of respecting nature had it right in the first place. However, while you are unlikely to find me lighting candles to bring the new year in, you'll certainly find me recycling what I efficiently can and passing unwanted things on to other people that might use them, rather than throwing them in to a hole in the ground. Except my last pair of walking boots, though; once a thick sole like that splits, it is goodnight Vienna.

This is where I take issue with one of Penn & Teller's, "Bullshit," programs on recycling. Although they blew the lid off recycling as an economic benefit, I have to find myself asking the question that if it really costs more money to recycle something then perhaps it is a price worth paying. Where it costs more in energy, however, the argument is not so straightforward; it comes to weighing up the environmental cost of extracting the energy we need to perform the recycling process, or the cost of extracting more raw materials. That is an argument which can't be settled by the dollar bill.

There are also other events which can not be explained by Brown's book. The Tarrot reading which had my life pinned down; the cards which I photographed, re-read and confirmed by several other people with no knowledge of the extra bits and pieces that aren't on my web sites. This takes out of the equation the possibility that the reading was biased by either the readers personal knowledge of me or their ability to read my body.

There is also my Mother's account that a travelling Gypsy read in her crystal ball that she could see a boy and a girl, but only one child. I was three at the time and transsexuality was certainly not in the press in the early 1970's. What would the reader have to gain by saying such a thing? What would drive her to say it? I don't recall being brought up in pink, so where did the reader obtain such a prompt?

So that leaves the question on how I, personally, cope having come to the conclusion that my destiny is to become a non-arthropod invertibrate's lunch? Well, I know that whatever happens, I'd rather spend my life doing things for society and people rather than wasting it on hands and knees praying to a god that doesn't exist. Here's the kicker, even if I did think that god existed, I believe that come judgement day I would be thought better of for doing more for society and following what I thought was right, than wearing a hole in my knees.

Holding on to the hope that we'll meet those we love in the afterlife is really an excuse for not making the most of those relationships now. Some belief that we can make up in the future, for our inability to bury the hatchet in the here and now.

My belief is that we need less terror, less control, less church, more state, more hugs and more burying the swords and guns. If we did that, just take some glee in the confusion we'd cause future archaeologists.

Justice is for those who can afford it

2010-06-25T07:05:00.001+01:00

This is now more than a week after the event. The day when I went to a tribunal to try and put right the wrong I had perceived. Basically, car allowance. The long story short is that if you do casual journeys then you get a casual allowance. If you need your car to do your job, the allowance is higher. I say I couldn't have done my job without the car, and even the employers own grievance process supported me to an extent. My rough reckoning believed that I was owed about £4,000 before tax.

On the day, my nerves were plain. My hands were shaking while holding paperwork. During the 45 minute break, I went to the loo four times. Dealing with the legal process and a judge (who had to be called, "Sir," if you were curious) required restraint, especially when he was talking with the employers solicitor and I wanted to chip in.

After reading the initial documents I believe that the judge felt that the employer had a fair bit of argument to answer because most of the Judge's questions for justification were directed at them. However they had an ace card to play, namely that the car allowance is considered expenses rather than unlawful deduction of earnings. This fact alone took the whole case out of the jurisdiction of the tribunal.

Once that was established, it was pointless arguing. I could have all the moral arguments and proof that I liked; the employer could even have had a neon sign above their head saying, "guilty!" and it would have been for nought. The court didn't have the authority to try the case.

What price; justice?

I was damn lucky to escape without any costs being awarded against me; that would have been financial disaster. Exactly what kept the employer from chasing costs, I will probably never know, but some guardian was at my shoulder that day.

This is the problem with the legal system. Someone in a position like mine, who has worked hard for a mortgage, a roof over the head and struggles with the bills, could have all that whipped away by a legal technicality throwing a spanner in the works of an otherwise good case. This makes pursuing justice a very tricky business.

We sat there while the judge spoke his summation in to a dictation machine. I say, "we," because there was someone with me. I was very grateful that at least I didn't have to go through this nerve racking experience alone. Some of the Judge's words pinned aspects of blame on me but despite having arguments that could have countered them, I kept my silence. It was like a fish trying to struggle when it is already in the net. Pointless trying to waste everyone's time winning minor points when the case is already lost.

But what about the Union, I hear you ask. Well, there is another story. In my opinion I've have liked them to be more, "engaged," with the issue rather than coming back with a straightforward and short opinion. I've have liked to have known options, more information, more detail. There is much about this kind of process that is won or lost by argument and discussion on the day, but once the match was lost it was pointless fighting the game.

To me, fighting in the legal system is now just like any other form of gambling; you should only fight if you can afford to loose.

If you work in a Union capacity, as a representative, I would pass on what I believe is good advice that was given to me that day; take a day off work and spend it observing some tribunal hearings, especially ones similar to those you could end up representing yourself. If you are young, or could potentially end up taking part in a tribunal yourself, it is a very good lesson. But only do it if you can keep your mouth shut, otherwise you could end up in trouble yourself!

If you haven't heard from me in a while, it is because I am licking my wounds. Wounds that will re-open when the tribunal's summation letter drops on the doormat, because I know that I could have argued against some of the points that were held against me.

In conclusion I can only quote the gambler's wisdom from Kenny Rogers' song when he said, "You got to know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run."

Muscat de Beaumes de Venise

2010-06-23T21:39:00.000+01:00

Now here is another interesting wine. Another desert wine, it is particularly sweet but it doesn't have the acidic edge that I don't appreciate.

I could drink more of this, but not on a regular basis. It is certainly on the shopping list for the future, but it will be an occasional treat.

Len Goodman - Better late than never

2010-06-19T13:41:00.026+01:00

"I'm just a dance teacher from Dartford who got lucky." is how Len Goodman refers to himself in his autobiogrphy. Growing up in the East End among some very interesting characters is probably what made Len the man he is; down to earth and apparently a damn good laugh to have around.

The hard work of his family in the grocery business, along with a doting but realistic mother, is responsible for him having a more cushioned childhood than some in his time. I mean, how many other parents buy their children Jaguars before they even learn to drive?! Len paints, quite accurately, societies attitudes at the time he grew up, which are a considerable contrast to today. His troubles as a young man, hating school, rebelling a bit and finally ending up on the docks is quite a story in itself. Given his personal history, it is no surprise that his change in career is quite dramatic and seemingly characteristically, very fly-by-the-seat in nature.

Len stepped out of his dockland work and became a professional dance instructor, being taught what to teach, just moments before the lessons would begin, by his dance partner Cherry and her mother who demonstrated with each other.
"Have you got it Len?"
"Sort of," was my usual response. "Sorry to keep asking this, but which one of you was the bloke?"

The book is a thin Strictly sandwich with bits about the show at the start and the end, and a whole lot of Len's life in between. It is honest to goodness rough and tumble, highs and lows that you would expect from anyone else's life of the times, which is perhaps what makes it so readable and interesting. For what little my recommendation is worth, I think it is a very good, heart warming read. A little slow in a few places but very much worth sticking with. Oh, and if you happen to come across Len in real life, just don't ask him how much a snake costs and never, ever accept beetroot if he offers it.

I'll never meet the bloke, but if there was one thing I could personally say to Mr Goodman, it is this. If the Dom Perignon comes back to you on your seventieth, for crying out loud, man, just do the honourable thing and drink it!

Pakistan seeks fatwa over Facebook.

2010-06-18T09:34:00.002+01:00

The only thing that can come of this action is that Pakistan will have to drop the law for killing people who speak against, draw or whatever they do against Mohamed.

It is ludicrous that religion should hold this kind of position in a modern, progressive world. Just as they have had to wake up to the murders performed by so called hohour killings, they are going to have to ditch this as well in order to be accepted as a responsible part of International Society.

It is really comming time to ban religions if they think they can behave like this.

Tapes

2010-06-17T21:59:00.004+01:00

I thought I would offer you another glimpse in to the mild insanity that is my life. I own two tape measures. I am always using one or the other, but not usually both. That is because one is usually lost.

For me to actually have a handle on the location of both tape measures at the same time is so rare an occurrence and such a startling one, that I had to take a picture of them together just so that I could reassure myself in the knowledge that, yes, I have two measuring tapes.

I just dread the day that they both decide to go AWOL at the same time.

You get the public service you pay for...

2010-06-15T10:53:00.001+01:00

Public service has been traget, as per usual, by the conservatives. For teh Liberal Democrats to stand by them while they do this is a shock beyond belief.

In order to support their attack on the public sector, you have to buy in to their image of what the public sector is and does. So I'm going to paint my version of the public sector workforce for you.

You can very broadly break public sector work in to three catagories, in my eyes.

1) The filing clarks and people that do the paperwork that supports the organistion. A fairly low paid position but nevertheless important role. In courts of law, in public proceedings, it is the dotted I's and the crossed t's that support justice and the even application of the rules. The actual rightness or wrongness of these rules are often set at national level. Without a resaonble army of these people, the system would not work and injustice would reign. It's bad enough as it is. You can't cut back on this function otherwise the slow service that people are already complaining about, will get worse.

People won't get their benefits delivered accurately and on time. Council tax won't be collected to pay for the services we receive. This vital army can't be cut down.

2) Specialists. Highly trained people. Whether it be Doctors, surgeons and nurses that tend to our sick, or the people that police our environmental controls such as noise polution and food hygene standards (there is a lot of law that has to be followed correctly to secure prosecutions) or planning experts that police the building work that goes on to ensure that people build safe buildings in the places that they are supposed to build them, or any of the many specialisms that are needed to ensure that the cowboys don't make our society a worse place to live ... the private industries pay a lot more for these people so if we don't pay them at least a living wage, the public itself will be walked all over by the smarter and better resourced private sector.

We need people to defend the rules. Look at China where an unregulated building industry ended up with houses that fell to pieces when an earthquake struck. It wasn't that there weren't building practices available, there were no police to ensure that the rules were obeyed; as a result a lot of people lost their lives that could have still lived today. Same story in other places as well. Regulation and policing is there for a reason.

3) Environmental staff. These people work to maintain the environment we live in. Whether it is maintenance of public toilets, upkeep of public lawns, verges, street signs, public roads, street names, these people are the army that keep our environment working smoothly.

Some of them encounter serious hazards. I'm not only talking of handling the industrial machinery but people that police our airwaves and take pirate radio stations out of action face all manner of traps laid for them like broken glass and razor blades glued to the rungs of access ladders by the pirates, to prevent their ariels being taken down.

If there is no just reward for these people's efforts, they will go elsewhere, even to other countries and our society runs a serious risk of degredation.

Is there a solution?

Well, there is a partial solution. Unfortinately it is the reverse of what the conservatives want to do. You see, the management of all these locla services have no one above them. No one to check on what they are doing.

While the service itself is rated, there is no one looking at the management and the behaviours and policies within it to see that the monies are being correctly spent.

There are some tricks I have come accross, one of which is that for normal staff who use their car for work, they go through the car allowance policy and receive tax on the benefit received. Managers, however, get this allowance built in to their sallaries so it is declared to the tax office as taxable income, not a car allowance benefit, and also becuase it is part of their wages, it thus attracts employers contributions and counts towards their pension.

Not all organisations are like this, but without checks on the managers, there are segments of public services that are completely misusing public money, devising ways to put it in to their own pockets and are getting away with it. When the service itself crumbles, they're thus walking away with loads of official and legal money and leaving a mess for society to clear up.

I do stress ... not all managers are like this. But without a method of checking, without a method of policing activities within public organisations, there is no way to tell.

I have witnessed good managers and I've witnessed horrendous ones. The levels of middle management in public organisations are legendary and this is expenditure which needs to be sorted out before we can go forward. Cutting the other areas is done by these management turkeys who will never vote for Christmas.

But as to the argument on cutting pensions, consider this. Firstly, the pension pot is paid in to by the workforce themselves. It is the worforce's money which is funding the pensions so the conservatives need to be very, very clear on what burden falls on the tax payer.

Not only this, but for the majority of public services the national pay negotiations saw many public services take a below inflation pay rise over the last nine years. Not only are public services paid below that of the private sector, but we were taking pay cuts even during the boom years of the early part of 2000.

In order to cut the public sector pensions, they are going to have to raise the pay levels to that of the private sector, otherwise there will be considerable poverty among public sector workers becuase they won't have the extra income during their working lives, that are needed to save for a decent pension.

If public sector workers can't save for a decent pension then that means they only have to rely on the state again once they retire. So cutting the pensions is a very short sighted headline grabber when what they really need to do is get hands on and sort out the management of public services ... but they've stated that they want to be hands off and give more power to local people.

This is all going to end in tears.

Desert wine

2010-06-13T21:35:00.000+01:00

Well, I wanted sweeter and I got sweeter. Desert wine has a high degree of residual sugar, making it very sweet.

Designed for serving with desert after a meal, this kind of wine seems to be double the price of the average bottle of wine.

This was too sweet for my tooth and it did have a bit of an edge, which again wasn't what I want in a soothing wine. Nice, but definitely not on the permanent shopping list.

Seagull Poo

2010-06-12T21:31:00.000+01:00

If there is one thing I do like about the UK, it is the sense of humour. Darth Hobbit and Cat Maul went to the Isle of Weight recently for a holiday and brought me back this bag of seagull poo. Ah well. Bottoms up and bombs away!

Vouvray

2010-06-11T21:30:00.000+01:00

This French Vouvray is actually not bad. A slight acidic tone but nicely sweet.

It still isn't hitting the mark, however, so I'm going to return to the shop and discuss sweeter wines.

This one does remain on my shopping list, though.

A little bit of Sussex

2010-06-06T19:29:00.001+01:00

About ten minutes worth of scenery in Sussex while undertaking both the West Sussex Border Path and also a bit of the South Downs. Among the wild animals I saw during the four days walking were some wild deer, a Kestrel, a lone wild deer, a fox and a few rabbits; that was as well as the sheep and cows that were on the Downs.

7 mins of Bluebell Steam

2010-06-05T06:27:00.000+01:00

As I had the video camera, I thought I'd take it with me when I did various walks in Sussex last week. One of the days was spent at Bluebell railway, as well as some of the days being spent walking the West Sussex Border Path, which took me alongside the track at various points. Hope you enjoy this.

Car Wars

2010-05-28T07:27:00.001+01:00

In all walks of life that have to deal with the general public, you have to take the rough with the smooth. There is nothing that gets peoples blood quite so hot as receiving a parking ticket. While some people end up genuinely making mistakes and you've got to feel a bit sorry for them, there can be no bending of the rules. Even councillors don't get off their parking tickets.

The rules have to be rigid for a reason; because if they weren't, then some very deliberately selfish people would get away with creating minor havoc on our streets; parking on double yellows that make junctions dangerous, blocks other peoples access, block ramps so disabled people can't get off the pavement, blocking pavements so that people with prams have to take their children on to the roads ... general bloody mindedness that makes other peoples lives a misery. You know what ... they've always got an excuse, even when they're obviously putting other peoples lives in real danger.

What happens when they get a ticket and fine that they deserve? Well, they go off on one. Violence, verbal threats, they really do go the whole hog. There are more of these people than you might think. Driving cars on illegal, untraceable plates, no tax and thus no insurance and as you can imagine the exchanges get quite heated.

No wonder that the parking staff need to blow off a bit of steam. This particular poster in one council's car parks department made me chuckle quite a bit. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Goodbye NHS dentistry

2010-05-26T19:21:00.001+01:00

I came home this evening to a letter telling me that the Primary Care Trust has suddenly and with immediate effect, cancelled the NHS dentistry funding in the practice that I am signed to.

The dismantling has started. Having just paid more than £50 to fill a 40 litre petrol tank, how am I going to find yet more money to pay for my dental health?

I wonder how far reaching this will be; and I wonder what will be the impact for those already signed up to care, or already in the middle of a course of treatment. I've written to my MP about this, to hopefully ensure no one is left in limbo. We'll see what happens.

Another wine

2010-05-24T21:04:00.000+01:00

Another wine, another day. Plastered with French writing, I haven't got a clue as to where this wie was from except to say that it was from France. I think it is Grain Sauvage, 2008 Jurancon sec. Carrying an award for Medaille D'Or 2009, I don't know its significance.

The wine is certainly a degree sweeter than the moelleux previously, but there was also a little bit of bite that I didn't like. I prefer this to the moelleux, but not by much. It still doesn't sing my tune. I'll have to keep hunting. The last of the three bottles is in the fridge.

A wine tasting

2010-05-24T07:28:00.000+01:00

Fed up of the supermarket staff that simply stack the shelves, of the Internet wine merchants that are all fluffy and rely on the text that others leave behind for them, I ended up in a wine merchants on the high street and chatted with him about what I like. I walked out with three bottles of wine.

This one is billed as not being as sweet as one would expect of a moelleux but it does have a silky, mellow texture to it. There is a little bit of an edge to it and it is very drinkable when slightly chilled. While I don't object to it, neither does it sing to me. I'll have to relay this to him the next time I'm there. I think I want something which has a little more life and is a little sweeter.

Honestly, I felt comfortable to put myself in his hands; that is his job, after all, to know his subject and assist me in getting the kind of wine that I want. I'd rate this wine a palletable six out of ten.