Non existant ... twice

By now, you will be certain of the fact that my main web sites cover a lot of subjects, so people find them through all sorts of avenues. (another reason why this blog is anonymous) However, there are some searches that amase even me in how they manage to find my site. The more entertaining ones that were waiting in four days of logs, were ...

find 3 bedroom home 2 buy in dewsbury - I've never lived in Dewsbury, and I'm sure that if I had looked for a house there, I'd have remembered. I think Google need to check their analysis tools.

need a valid mot - I think that for this person to be looking on the internet for an MOT denotes something possible a little dodgy, wouldn't you think!

wooden marmite box - I'm not even going to consider thinking about the possibility of how this led to my sites.

harness orgasm hanging beam - I'm not too sure what these people are looking for but once they've perfected it, they should take in on the road; they'd make a fortune.

However, in my post, "It always comes in threes," I alluded to a friend who I was helping with computers. I'll introduce him here simply as David. In case you think I'm doing anything without permission, I have to mention that he is sitting here as I write this and has agreed to everything I've put up.

David was born in Malawi. His parents weren't married and they visited the registrar to register the birth at two separate times. Somehow, despite being the only white baby born in Malawi that week, the registrar still got mixed up and David ended up with two birth certificates, one in the surname of each of his parents. Officially, he was born twice. However, Malawi officialdom, although not disputing the documents authenticity, refuse to recognise him on the grounds that he is not part of the national ethnicicity, or some such wording. Basically, I personally translate that to mean that it was because he isn't black, but c'est la vie. Positive discrimination, anybody?

Having been in the U.K. since a young child, however, he doesn't have a UK birth certificate and thanks to various government departments not talking to each other correctly, he still hasn't been officially recognised as a naturalised citizen. Although he is on his mothers passport, he officially isn't recognised by the Portugese because no one can find his father (not even his fathers parents) to fill in the right forms. He can't get a drving licence or do anything that requires correct documentation. Effectively, he doesn't officially exist. That is, except for his National Insurance number, which was issued to him so that he can pay the U.K. government tax on his earnings.

Behind the serious weight of his situation, lies some of the more humerous facts of that if the UK were to expell him from the country, the only officially valid destination would probably be the North Sea. Also, if he committed a murder, he could blame it on his physically non-existant but officially exising Malawi born twin and due to genetic evidence and, "reasonable doubt," he would probably get away with it; or he could plead a case of schizophrenia that was so advanced that he really was born twice. Officialdom; love it or hate it, you gotta live it.

In the mean time, he just has to continue bashing his head against the brick wall of nationalisation, until eventually the government departments work together and get the right documentation in the right place, all at the right time, for the correct rubber stamp to do its work. It has only taken the best part of twenty years so far. My personal oppinion is that the civy street workers are practicing to become Vogon officials, so that when the planet is finally scheduled for destruction, they have the chance for other jobs.

For relaxation, we've been playing Need For Speed Underground Most Wanted; a superb game that really does promise to suck my life away into a black hole. Ironically enough, it involves agrivating and getting the better of, the Police. With my current attitude towards said institution, it appears to be doing wonders for my soul, destroying patrol cars and leaving them standing with my driving skills. I'm loving the game.

I also had a chat with my optician, and it seems like my uncorrected eyesight is 6:9, which requires correction, but is well above the 6:32 cut off. My aided vision is 20:20, which basically leaves me well inside Police specifications. Apparently, the optician very helpfully explained what was actually happening with my eyes. Each lens is stigmatised, but rather oddly. In the normal lens, each side of the lens is convex. With my eyes, one side of each lens is convex, while the other side is actually concave. Realy weird!

Apparently, the optician confirmed that the lens focusing exercise (detailed earlier in the blog) was actually beneficial to people like me, who work with monitors, but that it wouldn't make outstanding improvements in vision, while the other technique of not wearing glasses would hardly make any difference to the sight; the brain would be doing the correction rather than the lenses.

Interesting things, eyes.