Joining the Police - attempt 1 - part 1

Revalation 2 - I wanna be a copper.
Why join the Special Constables? Well, a number of reasons really. For a start, you get to see life on the other side of the fence. You end up ankle deep (or knee deep briefly) in the dregs of humanity for a while and you're launched in to situations where any sane person would turn their back and walk away. You could wind up in the middle of a domestic argument, spend time cleaning the late night drunks off the streets, dishing out fines to shoplifters who really should know better, or guarding the cells to make sure that the detainees don't manage to hang themselves before the judge get's the chance to do it. (bit of humour there) Occasionally guarding a crime scene or guiding traffic in the freezing cold or boiling heat and if you're lucky, after a couple of years service, let loose in a panda car with the ability to stop people from behind. You certainly don't get to drive under blues and twos, handle firearms or any of the other parts of the job that require lots of specialist training. You're also putting yourself in the way of personal harm. Sounds a great thing to volunteer for, doesn't it; especially that with my working pattern, I'd be on evening shifts, unless I did a Sunday shift guiding old dears to this or that street or other.

The one thing that is burned in my mind, however, is from talking with a friend who used to serve in Thames Valley. After the initial enthusiastic congratulations that I was going for it, how he thought I was well suited for the job and how it would be a great experience, he settled down, looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You know the regulars will hate you." - now, I like the bloke imensely, he's rock solid and someone I'm grateful to have in my corner, but on this one point, I'd like to prove him wrong.

There is, however, a lot of truth in the saying that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Training in assertiveness for a start, and self defence; nothing better for building a bit of personality. Then the learning experience of being on the street itself. Taking charge of potentialy volatile situations requires a strength of character and alertness of mind that makes you realise just what living and breathing is all about. It's like coming out of the gym with that comforting after glow of life.

On top of that, I'm fed up of seeing many things in life and doing nothing about them for fear of being taken to court myself. The legal system in this country does have an unerring knack of allowing the guilty to get off the hook while the innocent get it in the neck. It was an experience with a pushy motorbiker, who put their boot in my car so that they could get through the lights that was the final trip. I reported the incident, but the hire car firm didn't press it. The officer behind the counter (a very kind and concerned man) congratulated me on wanting to take things further and said that I wasn't a victim; that victims don't do anything about what is done to them. I left that station, and thought, "I'm fu**ed off standing on the side. I'm going to damn well do something."

To this point, note that I had applied for IT positions in the Police and Ambulance service before; what other worthy thing to do than use my skills in a service that helped society. The only let down was a job offer in Gwent, where the money was so low that I wouldn't have been able to afford to live. I had also previously had the form to join the force as a full time constable, but despite filling it in, something about me couldn't quite return it to the force in question.

So, with a fresh application form for the Specials, I took stock. Criminal record; clean, not even so much as a parking ticket. Mental skills; member of Mensa and who knows how many psychological tests in my youth that prove that with a bit of sharpening, I've got a distinct edge. Fitness levels; good, infrequent gym goer and walker, not as fit as I could be, but I'm no couch potato. The only thing that might let me down is my eyesight. I had to do a search and find an explanation of what the requirement actually was in real terms.

After doing a "google" for "6:20 eyesight" I ended with a particularly useless ream of information, most of which was a quote from 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, "6:20 For you were bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body." After expanding the search I found out that snapping turtles have extremely good eyesight under water, and that celebrated mathamatician, Eratosthenes, committed suicide in 194 BC after losing his eyesight, in depression that he couldn't read any more. I also learned how to conduct a Southern Pine Beetle arial detection survey. All of which was interesting information, but not what I wanted.

After changing my search pattern to "20:20 vision" I found an American TV show named after it (the UK equivalent would probably be, Hindsight is always 20:20) and then I found this which explained things perfectly.

Coupled with the advice on the www.policecouldyou.co.uk web site, the advice at the start of 2006 being ...

Unaided vision (without spectacles or lenses)

6/36 or better, binocularly (2nd line down on optician's chart) is required. Binocular vision (vision with both eyes) worse than 6/6 (7th line on optician's chart) requires correction.

Aided vision (wearing lenses or spectacles)

6/12 or better in either eye (5th line down on optician's chart) and 6/6 or better using both eyes (binocular vision) is required.

... sounded like a tall order. I raced to my filing cabinet and pulled out my last eye test certificate. The figures might mean something to a qualified optician, but to a layperson like me, it was just so many numbers. So much for that. All I could do in the mean time, was the two tricks I had learned through advice and experience.

The muscles that attach to the lens are responsible for changing its shape. If you don't exercise the muscles, they get lazy, and the lens looses its flexibility. Infrequently, I'll put a finger close to my eyes and focus on it; then without moving my finger, I'll focus on a distant object. Then refocus on my finger, etc. about twenty times.

When I'm not in a dangerous situation, ie. at home relaxing, I'll take my glasses off and just look around the room while I listen to music. After a while, I seem to be able to make objects out more clearly. With the odd shapes of my lenses, my eyesight will never be normal, but it does seem to help. On the other hand, I might be straining my lenses to compensate, but I'll probably never know for sure. I certainly can't do any computer work without them.

So, with only my eyesight possibly against me, I filled in the application form and sent it in.