Defining the bubble

As a typical Transsexual of the time, once I was through the phsychological hell of changing my life (which lasted a few years, by the way) I became a part of a vontary support team helping those who followed the same path as I had just walked, in turn following others who had gone before me. I'm glad to report that the team disbanded in later years, as societies attitudes changed and merging with society became much easier.

Part of the work was manning a telephone line. The group had no official office, we took it in turns to have this "help line" in our homes on a separate number for a few years at a time. The people on the other end were sometimes just research people with some questions about TS issues, but quite a lot of the times the calls were from TS people, or their partners or parents, in serious distress; on occasions even suicidal.

Most of the distress, however, was perfectly preventable.

Those of us who have children will know what happens as they grow up; they have to push various limits all over the place, and sometimes more than once, to find out where the boundaries are.

Anyone going through a massive change in their life which requires a large alteration to the way they interact with other people, and society at large, will effectively be becoming a child again; they will have to learn where the new boundaries are.

It manifests as someone who won't leave the subject alone; they need to find out where their new boundaries are, and as adults, they haven't got the ever watching parent to guide them. There is little option other than to kick the tree and see what apples fall on their head, and kicking the apple tree seems a very selfish and destructive activity to people who aren't aware of what is actually going on.

Transsexuals are not the only example of adults going through this kind of thing; any time an adult changes their life, gets married, starts a new job, becomes unemployed, gets divorced, has children or any such thing, various parts of the boundaries of life, will need to be redefined.

Next time you come across someone who seems selfish and won't shut up about a subject, if you want them to leave you alone, consider the technique of helping them define the boundry that they are whinging on about; you might even gain a friend and save a few apples from an untimely bruising.